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Joke - Dilbert type

  1. Feb 25, 2005 #1


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    Staff: Mentor

    Joke of the day - Dilbert (Scott Adams) kind of humor.

    SUBJ: Identifying wasted time

    It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

    Attached below is a list specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

    Thank you,

    Attached: Extended Job-Code List

    Code and Explanation
    5316 Useless Meeting
    5317 Obstructing Communications at Meeting
    5318 Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
    5319 Waiting for Break
    5320 Waiting for Lunch
    5321 Waiting for End of Day
    5322 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
    5323 Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
    5393 Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
    5400 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
    5401 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
    5402 Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
    5481 Buying Snack
    5482 Eating Snack
    5500 Filling Out Timesheet
    5501 Inventing Timesheet Entries
    5502 Waiting for Something to Happen
    5503 Scratching Yourself
    5504 Sleeping
    5510 Feeling Bored
    5511 Feeling Horny
    5600 Complaining About Lousy Job
    5601 Complaining About Low Pay
    5602 Complaining About Long Hours
    5603 Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
    5604 Complaining About Boss
    5605 Complaining About Personal Problems
    5640 Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
    5701 Not Actually Present At Job
    5702 Suffering From Eight-Hour Flu
    6102 Ordering Out
    6103 Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
    6104 Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
    6200 Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
    6201 Stealing Company Goods
    6202 Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
    6203 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
    6204 Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
    6205 Hiding from Boss
    6206 Gossip
    6207 Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
    6210 Feeling Sorry For Yourself
    6211 Updating Resume
    6212 Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
    6213 Out of Office on Interview
    6221 Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
    6222 Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
    6223 Pretending You Like Coworker
    6224 Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They are Jerks
    6238 Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
    6350 Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
    6601 Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
    6602 Complaining
    6603 Writing a Book on Company Time
    6611 Staring Into Space
    6612 Staring At Computer Screen
    6615 Transcendental Meditation
    7281 Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
    7400 Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
    7401 Talking With Plumber on Phone
    7402 Talking With Dentist on Phone
    7403 Talking With Doctor on Phone
    7404 Talking With Masseuse on Phone
    7405 Talking With House Painter on Phone
    7406 Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
    7419 Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
    7425 Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
    7931 Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
    8000 Recreational Drug Use
    8001 Non-recreational Drug Use
    8002 Liquid Lunch
    8100 Reading e-mail

    Feel free to add - but use a unique code.

    btw - http://www.dilbert.com/
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 25, 2005 #2
    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    Does it get any better?! I have the (un)fortunate job of accounting various expenditures in a certain ministry and half of the bills just doesn't fit under any of the codes. Guess how often they bounce back to me? Yup!

    But the crucial 9000 is missing:

    9000 Writing posts on PF
    9001 Trying hard to understand posts on PF
    9002 Pointing out flaws in posts on PF
    9003 Complaining about your employer on PF
  4. Feb 25, 2005 #3


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    Staff: Mentor

    6660 Conducting satanic ritual :biggrin:
    6661 Participating in satanic ritual
  5. Feb 25, 2005 #4
    6616 Pen Spinning

    Thats what I spend most of my time doing in class.

  6. Feb 25, 2005 #5


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    Science Advisor
    Homework Helper

    6617 Trying to figure out that pencil spinning thing
    6618 Sharpening pencil after breaking lead
    6619 Jumping up and down trying to get pencil unstuck from ceiling
    6620 Emergency room visit to get pencil lead extracted from leg
  7. Feb 25, 2005 #6


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    Staff Emeritus
    Science Advisor
    Gold Member

    5505 Trying to figure out which code to use on your time sheet.

    They actually give us time sheets to fill out as faculty here! They've never gotten any of us to take it seriously (we do make sure the hourly employees have their time recorded correctly since their paycheck depends on it). For starters, the record sheet doesn't even include Saturday and Sunday on it! And it comes with little H's pre-filled in for "holidays," but none of us really seems to know what that word means. So, someone in HR is killing a lot of trees and probably buying a lot of file cabinets to hang onto time records that have nothing more informative on them than our names, lines drawn through all the dates (yep, I worked that day), and a signature at the bottom. I've been tempted to fill one month out accurately, just to make someone figure out how to input the information...do they know how to record work hours that go from 10 AM of one day to 2 AM the next day? The funny thing is, my appointment is technically only 95% (since I'm not tenure-track, this is how they get around union hiring rules and call me part-time faculty)...what I'm still trying to figure out is 95% of what??? I figure it just means I am officially allowed to spend 5% more of my day than tenure-track faculty not doing anything productive. :rofl:
  8. Feb 25, 2005 #7


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    Staff: Mentor

    I briefly worked under a company that purchased the division in which I was working. We were then introduced to electronic timesheets. What a pain. Occassionally I would make an input error, which I had then to change with an explanation, and then the VP had to approve the change. I got to the point where my explanations included some shots at the administration (bunch of a-retentive folk) of the company, and the VP refused approval unless I edited the criticism and sarcasm out of the explanation. :biggrin:

    But I gets even worse. We had to project our billing for the next week and next month - I kid you not! If at the end of the following week, our hours were different, we would have to explain the difference, i.e. explain why we were working on a different project or spent more hours on one and not on the other as projected. It was so stupid!

    Fortunately, I had at least two offers from other companies to come work for them - and so I quit the stupidity (among other things) and changed jobs.
  9. Feb 25, 2005 #8
    6111 Wishing life was like Office Space
    6112 Imaging if there are really "The Bobs" somewhere in this big world
    6113 Seeing how many caffeinated beverages you can consume before your bladder explodes
    6114 Trying to figure out what the hell "PC Load Letter" means
    6115 Planning how to steal your neighbor in the next cube's stapler, cause it works so much better than the piece of junk they gave you!
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