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Just a buncha physics jokes

  1. Sep 30, 2003 #1
    jokes and well...yeah

    I kinda miss reading all the physics jokes before the home page was reorginized, so straight to buisness, post your physics jokes here.
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2004
  2. jcsd
  3. Oct 11, 2003 #2
    You all make me cry

    :frown: Nobody wants to post any jokes, sniff. So I think I'll just sit in my corner and cry. sniff.:frown:
  4. Oct 11, 2003 #3


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    As per the uncertainty principle, as long as no one reads this thread, it will be filled with jokes - or at least their waveforms.

  5. Oct 16, 2003 #4
    How did this big bang buisness start?
    Someone wished to have everything all at once.
  6. Oct 16, 2003 #5

    Tom Mattson

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    I went to an engineering school, and this one was popular.

    What do engineers use for birth control?

    Their personalities.
  7. Oct 16, 2003 #6
    Back when mechanics, heat and electricity were part of natural philosophy, physics were laxatives.
  8. Oct 22, 2003 #7

    So I was walking in this forest one day. I was the only one for miles around. A tree fell right in front of me and I didn't even hear it.:wink:
  9. Oct 24, 2003 #8
    So Albert Einstein got on this train. He asked one of the other passengers, "Does New York go by this train?"
  10. Oct 24, 2003 #9
    It seems this thread ain't the most popular in the world. Well, its just like I always say, "I never repeat myself."
  11. Oct 25, 2003 #10

    So I went to this museum last weekend. You know, the one with all the heads and arms from statues in other museums. :wink:
  12. Oct 25, 2003 #11
    As I sit here eating sour candy, a strange thought comes to mind. How do they get the peanuts into those annoying little shells?
  13. Oct 26, 2003 #12
    Did ya hear about the fight that broke out at the candy store? A lolliepop got licked.:smile:
  14. Oct 26, 2003 #13
    used paint

    I bought some used paint the other day. It came in the shape of a house.
  15. Oct 27, 2003 #14
    darn wave functions

    Sorry I haven't posted in so long guys. It's been a whole day since my last post. And I know you all care because you post in this thread ALL the time. Well anyway, I have an excuse for slacking off for a day.

    I went to court this morning. I was acused of actually performing Schrodinger's Cat Experiment. It didn't take the judge and jury very long to reach a verdict, which was, of course, the penalty for animal abuse. Mostly just community service and a fine, though.
    So the only thing I really have to say about the whole mess is, "You know, I should never have opened the box to see if it was dead or not."

    (all fiction, of course) :wink:
  16. Oct 27, 2003 #15
    Blackholes really suck.:wink:
  17. Oct 28, 2003 #16
    Can I borrow anybody's fingernail clippers? Gee, thanks.
  18. Oct 28, 2003 #17


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    Hi Photon, I noticed you were kinda getting lonely in your little niche here I am no good at physics jokes, but I found this one for you:

    If a scalar particle of the quintessence field is a Quinton, what's its superpartner called?

    *the Tarantino! *

    Select/highlight to see the answer Don't worry if you don't get the joke.. I didn't, lol.
  19. Oct 28, 2003 #18


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    Heisenberg is driving down the road, when he gets pulled over.
    Officer says, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
    Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am."

  20. Oct 28, 2003 #19
    Nope. I didn't get it. Thanks for posting anyway though. Contrary to what the thread is called, you can really post any joke in here.

    P.S. Cool idea about highlighting to get the answer.
  21. Oct 28, 2003 #20
    Now the Heisenberg one was funny.
  22. Oct 28, 2003 #21


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    I actually found an explanation on the first one, there is a famous (?!) movie director or something that is called Quinton Tarentino.. still don't get the joke :D
  23. Oct 28, 2003 #22
    So why did the encyclopedia cross the road?

    There was a reference to storm drains!

    Ha ha ha. That want very funny
  24. Oct 28, 2003 #23


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    Quentin Tarantino is, in fact, a famous movie director.

    The supersymmetric particles have funny names. For example, the supersymmetric particle to the photon is called the photino. The supersymmetric analogue of the quark is the squark.

    If the quintessence field (if you want to call it that) had quanta, maybe they'd be called quintons. I hope not.

    At least now you can understand the joke... although maybe you were happier without understanding.

    - Warren
  25. Oct 30, 2003 #24
    Hey Photon, keep them coming... I need a laugh.
    I really enjoyed the Heisenberg one...excellent.
  26. Oct 30, 2003 #25
    Okay, it's not very PC and it's not a physics joke, but I think it's funny so here goes.

    Do you know what the definition is of "endless love"?

    Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles playing tennis.

    I apologize to all of the blind people who read this.
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