Kind of people a math physics person should date

[cragar]

what kind of people should a math and physics date? Should we just date anyone we can get our hands on? I guess I just want the person to be able to hold an interesting conversation. Is there any type of people we should avoid? I am pretty open minded.

 

[wukunlin]

mathematicians and physicist aren't different from other human beings.

 

[adjacent]

He wants to hold an interesting conversation with that person. Not everyone can do that,provided that "interesting" here means something else.

 

[George Jones]

My wife has a B.Sc. and an M.Sc. in physics, a Master's in materials science engineering, and a B.Ed.

We talk much more about news and politics than we do about science and technology. We both like to read murder-mystery novels and watch murder-mystery movies; again, no connection to our common background.

We do talk regularly about education and changes in education, from primary school through grad school, which is somewhat related to our common background.

 

[lendav_rott]

I am so very sorry, but I laughed so hard I was in tears when I saw the title of this topic :D I think you should date someone you want to date - which means getting to know them and yade yade, it's a lot of field work, I know.

 

[jim hardy]

Should we just date anyone we can get our hands on?

I guess that's one criterion !

“Licence my roving hands, and let them go
Before, behind, between, above, below.” john donne

We should look for people who show honesty and good judgement. We should avoid people who don't. What they do for a living should be irrelevant.
... naaahhhh ...

 

[cragar]

yhujik

mathematicians and physicist aren't different from other human beings.

I know what you mean, most of my friends are math or physics majors, they are flesh and blood like everyone else, they have interests beyond math and physics and they all come from different backgrounds. But they are very passionate people.
I just like being around analytical people they can analyze things and come to interesting conclusions, although I've been around some art people and they have an interesting way of looking at things, I was just wondering what you guys think, I guess I would just like to be with someone who is curious about things. And I like posting stuff on the forums because the people on here have interesting and important things to say,

@lendav_rott: I knew the title was somewhat comical when I created it, but maybe there are certain people math and physics people should avoid or maybe its the same for everyone, just wanted to get some ideas.
@ jim hardy: so what they do for a living is irrelevant , i agree, wasnt quite sure why you said naaah after it, it seemed like you were negating your statement.

what if someone was mentally unstable, like bi-polar or schizophrenic, I would date them if they were interesting to talk to and if I had a strong connection with them.

 

[Nikitin]

what kind of people should a math and physics date? Should we just date anyone we can get our hands on? I guess I just want the person to be able to hold an interesting conversation. Is there any type of people we should avoid? I am pretty open minded.

It is unacceptable to date anyone outside of the hard sciences for a mathematician or physicist. Economists are about as far as you can push it. Also, you should refocus your goals away from conversations and to gaining optimal genetic quality for your offspring.


//hehe just joking (yes I know I sux). Why would you ask strangers what kind of people you should date? You're the only one who can decide that. I think if you want somebody to talk to, just talk to allot of people and find somebody you like. Then make a move.

 

[alan2]

I like intelligent, petite women who know how to foxtrot and rumba. You're not interviewing them for a tutoring job.

 

[cragar]

i know your not interviewing them for a tutoring job, but as nikitin kinda joked about, you want optimal genetics for your offspring. imagine if you could breed the most clever creative physicists and mathematicians in the world together, imagine what you could create. imagine doing that for many generations. ok that might be overboard

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

... ok that might be overboard

Or eugenics.

 

[a_potato]

mathematicians and physicist aren't different from other human beings.

I beg to differ

 

[micromass]

I beg to differ

Could you expand on this statement?

 

[a_potato]

Could you expand on this statement?

Not really

 

[Lavabug]

I think I can see the concern of the OP. The average college-goer or non-college-educated working person might not put as much thought or value into the aspirations of someone in a very demanding career path like STEM (both as a student and beyond) and is unlikely to be supportive of all the time and sacrifices that are required, unless you're some kind of genius with excellent time management skills such that this is never a problem. It is probably why you never see many STEM people in relationships with non-STEM, or average weekend sports warriors with professional Olympic athletes. Some people just can't handle/won't put up with a partner with time demands like those.

IME, I've never met a non-physicist/mathematician that didn't think I was a little insane for going into physics, it's the unfaltering conversation-killer, while physicists/mathematicians and a very good fraction of engineers, chemists and CS I've known are fairly accepting/understanding.

 

[jim hardy]

I know what you mean, most of my friends are math or physics majors, they are flesh and blood like everyone else, ...
@ jim hardy: so what they do for a living is irrelevant , i agree, wasnt quite sure why you said naaah after it, it seemed like you were negating your statement.

"Naaahhh " - i meant that we're flesh and blood so logic doesn't enter the romantic equation .
A pretty smile and a toss of the hair will do most guys in.

old jim

 

[cragar]

I think I can see the concern of the OP. The average college-goer or non-college-educated working person might not put as much thought or value into the aspirations of someone in a very demanding career path like STEM (both as a student and beyond) and is unlikely to be supportive of all the time and sacrifices that are required, unless you're some kind of genius with excellent time management skills such that this is never a problem. It is probably why you never see many STEM people in relationships with non-STEM, or average weekend sports warriors with professional Olympic athletes. Some people just can't handle/won't put up with a partner with time demands like those.

IME, I've never met a non-physicist/mathematician that didn't think I was a little insane for going into physics, it's the unfaltering conversation-killer, while physicists/mathematicians and a very good fraction of engineers, chemists and CS I've known are fairly accepting/understanding.

ya this is a good way to put it.

 

[Larry Gopnik]

If Dirac could find a wife then I'm sure that there is hope for all physics and mathematicians out there!

But yes, I personally find it hard to find friends, let alone a partner -

One piece of advise - don't start dating people that are obsessed with that obscene show "The Big Bang Theory". Been there, done that. Oy Vey. Never again.

Just go for someone who truly understands you. There will be someone.

I thought I had found someone, truly I did. He was also studying Physics and Maths alongside me and we got on so well together and had a lot in common. I really wanted a relationship with him, but he didnt know. (Well, someone ended up telling him after but that's another story). One day I thought he was going to ask me out when we were in town together when he turns around and goes "I'm going to ask out ****". She was a beautiful girl who had nothing in common with him, and was going to study Physiology at Uni. . Long story short, at school they would sit and hold hands in silence, having nothing to say. Oh, if only he went out with the less attractive Physics student instead...

So there's a lesson to all of you men, it might just sound like a rant, but I'm sure there is some sort of message in it

 

[thankz]

nerds need other nerds, I know what its like to be around only bubble heads and let me tell you it feels somewhat like taking a bath in fecees lol. hopefully you can find a nerd who is somewhat attractive. I don't consider the comic book/ video game crowd nerds, just people with too much time on their hands. find someone who compliments you.

 

[StatGuy2000]

nerds need other nerds, I know what its like to be around only bubble heads and let me tell you it feels somewhat like taking a bath in fecees lol. hopefully you can find a nerd who is somewhat attractive. I don't consider the comic book/ video game crowd nerds, just people with too much time on their hands. find someone who compliments you.

What I'm about to say on this may offend a lot of people here, but frankly so many of the posts on this thread and similar threads in the Relationship thread just comes across to me as being incredibly pathetic. And nothing is more unattractive in an individual of whatever background than someone who is pathetic!

In my opinion, the best way to date people is not that different from the best way to make friends -- go out and talk to and meet a variety of different people, and then select those who are the most interesting to you (of course filtering out those who are clearly crazy or cultists or religious nuts, etc.). It's a numbers game -- ultimately, the probability is good that you will meet someone who is compatible, although it may take some time before you do.

The best alternative is to network through your friends/co-workers/acquaintances and have them introduce you to people.

Of course, all of this is predicated on whether you need to be attached. I have always felt that it is important to never feel like you need to be in a relationship. I see and hear of so many people who are afraid of being alone, which I frankly don't understand -- there is no shame in being alone! Being alone is far, far better than being in a bad relationship!

 

[Larry Gopnik]

What I'm about to say on this may offend a lot of people here, but frankly so many of the posts on this thread and similar threads in the Relationship thread just comes across to me as being incredibly pathetic. And nothing is more unattractive in an individual of whatever background than someone who is pathetic!
!

I would like to know how exactly we sound pathetic, as I personally do not see it. I see people who genuinely do not know what they should be looking for and people, who all all on a forum and hence share a big interest, giving them advice. Have you not ever asked a friend in real life the same sort of question? I know I have.

 

[lendav_rott]

What I'm about to say on this may offend a lot of people here, but frankly so many of the posts on this thread and similar threads in the Relationship thread just comes across to me as being incredibly pathetic. And nothing is more unattractive in an individual of whatever background than someone who is pathetic!

So, the above post should serve as a catalyst for people to "act right" in order to appeal to you specifically? Look, this, too, will definitely offend someone and in particular, I hope, it offends you, but uh... shouldn't play school be over by now?

Sorry mate, not everybody wants to appeal to everybody.

 

[StatGuy2000]

I would like to know how exactly we sound pathetic, as I personally do not see it. I see people who genuinely do not know what they should be looking for and people, who all all on a forum and hence share a big interest, giving them advice. Have you not ever asked a friend in real life the same sort of question? I know I have.

First of all, the very question asked in the title "What kind of people a math or physics person should date" seems to me to be a ridiculous and pathetic question. People studying math or physics can (and in fact do) date whoever they find attractive and compatible -- the people studying math or physics are very diverse, and many have diverse interests outside of math/physics/science, and so it shouldn't be all that surprising that they can find dates with those that share similar interests in non-science areas (or in science areas).

Perhaps this is a reflection of my personality, but I don't think that we should be "looking" for a relationship, nor should we necessarily "know what we should be looking for". Relationships often should just flow from general friendships and connections we make.

And no, I have never asked a friend in real life these sorts of questions, because I have never sought a relationship -- all of my relationships have essentially just "happened".

 

[Ryan_m_b]

I think Statsguy has a point. The idea that there is a specific type of person that someone doing maths or physics should date is laughable at best. People are diverse individuals! Just because you happen to do maths or physics in no way means you are a similar person to any other mathematician or physicist. Thus the type of partner that would be desirable or good for someone would be just as varied.

 

[Lavabug]

I think Statguy took home a very different idea of what this thread is about. Of course people in STEM are just as diverse as anyone else. The issue is that a good fraction of "anyone else" doesn't necessarily think people in STEM fields are normal, particularly not in physics and math in my experience. IME it's always an uphill battle of trying to appeal to people who start with the pre-conception that you are pathologically eccentric and/or an arrogant genius, or whatever other negative stereotype they have gathered from film and TV, or word-of-mouth ideas about a few celebrities.

Thus the question in the title is a valid one, denoting it as pathetic doesn't help anyone's cause. It is a *should* instead of *can* question, which to me is clear. What kind of person *should* you date to increase your chances of a good yield? I'm no longer in school, but there was a whole lot of endogamy within the physics and math depts at my undergraduate institution, I never even heard of students (which weren't many) going out with people in other programs.

 

[StatGuy2000]

I think Statguy took home a very different idea of what this thread is about. Of course people in STEM are just as diverse as anyone else. The issue is that a good fraction of "anyone else" doesn't necessarily think people in STEM fields are normal, particularly not in physics and math in my experience. IME it's always an uphill battle of trying to appeal to people who start with the pre-conception that you are pathologically eccentric and/or an arrogant genius, or whatever other negative stereotype they have gathered from film and TV, or word-of-mouth ideas about a few celebrities.

Thus the question in the title is a valid one, denoting it as pathetic doesn't help anyone's cause.

The thing is, there is a good fraction of "anyone else" who thinks that artists, painters, musicians, or writers are not "normal" either. In fact, there is a good fraction of "anyone else" who has a built-in bias against people in a variety of professions, e.g. police officers, military officers, electricians, bankers, etc. Studying or working in STEM is no different from these, at least in my experience.

I should add that there are also plenty of people who, even if not necessarily sharing interests in STEM, nonetheless are impressed with and intrigued by people studying those fields (I know, because my past SOs/relationships and the current woman I'm dating all fall under this category).

 

[Lavabug]

The thing is, there is a good fraction of "anyone else" who thinks that artists, painters, musicians, or writers are not "normal" either. In fact, there is a good fraction of "anyone else" who has a built-in bias against people in a variety of professions, e.g. police officers, military officers, electricians, bankers, etc. Studying or working in STEM is no different from these, at least in my experience.

I think it is very different. You must agree that saying you're a musician or an artist is going to have a very different appeal to the average person than saying you're a math major, particularly to those of a college-going age. I don't think there's much question who's spending the biggest amount of Saturday nights alone.

 

[StatGuy2000]

I think it is very different. You must agree that saying you're a musician or an artist is going to have a very different appeal to the average person than saying you're a math major, particularly to those of a college-going age. I don't think there's much question who's spending the biggest amount of Saturday nights alone.

Whether or not you are spending Saturday nights alone depends crucially on your personality and who you choose to socialize with and NOT on what subject you study. I knew plenty of STEM majors who had SOs and/or had no problems getting dates.

At the risk of sounding harsh, if you're having a problem socializing with other people (not necessarily dating, but just being social), then the problem more likely lies with YOU and how YOU come across to other people. The good news is that these are things that can be fixed with a little work on your end (or a lot of work plus psychiatric/psychological counselling if you suffer from neurological conditions like Asperbergers, or suffer mental illnesses like depression or anxiety disorders).

 

[Lavabug]

Whether or not you are spending Saturday nights alone depends crucially on your personality and who you choose to socialize with and NOT on what subject you study. I knew plenty of STEM majors who had SOs and/or had no problems getting dates.

At the risk of sounding harsh, if you're having a problem, then the problem more likely lies with YOU and how YOU come across to other people. The good news is that these are things that can be fixed with a little work on your end (or a lot of work plus psychiatric/psychological counselling if you suffer from neurological conditions like Asperbergers, or suffer mental illnesses like depression or anxiety disorders).

You are right that the problem lies in me and not my choice of degree, I was socially inept well before I stepped inside a physics classroom, but this thread is not about me and my disorder(s). However, my choice of major has had at the very best a neutral effect on meeting new people, and I have seen it being the same across my cohort. I was only sharing what I perceived during my time as a physics major. For better or worse, they stick together and don't "marry outside of the group".

My comment about Saturday nights was less about being attractive to others and more about the time demands for the typical STEM major.

 

[StatGuy2000]

You are right that the problem lies in me and not my choice of degree, I was socially inept well before I stepped inside a physics classroom, but this thread is not about me and my disorder(s). However, my choice of major has had at the very best a neutral effect on meeting new people, and I have seen it being the same across my cohort. I was only sharing what I perceived during my time as a physics major. For better or worse, they stick together and don't "marry outside of the group".

My comment about Saturday nights was less about being attractive to others and more about the time demands for the typical STEM major.

I find that rather curious because many within my cohort of math majors often easily socialized with non-math majors or non-STEM majors (one was heavily involved with my university's debating team, for example), and they certainly "married outside of the group", so to speak. The same was true of some of the physics majors I knew as well.

I should also add that I wasn't trying to single you out as an example by any means -- just highlighting that, at least from my experience, being a STEM major is not some type of social deficit.

 

[Lavabug]

at least from my experience, being a STEM major is not some type of social deficit.

IME, it has not helped (at best, neutral), particularly with those of my same age group, and especially with those with no college education. It generally stops the conversation dead in its tracks, despite doing my best to not dwell on it. I almost feel compelled to apologize, as if I had leprosy and forgot to let them know before shaking hands.

Of course this will vary tremendously across cultures, perhaps the people who I was around generally didn't value academics at all, so that's why I got the responses that I did.

 

[George Jones]

It generally stops the conversation dead in its tracks, despite doing my best to not dwell on it.

Then rapidly shift gears.

Ask about favourite movies, TV shows, music, novels, hobbies, stories in the news, ...

 

[jim hardy]

Socially inept ?

My theme song:

...
I told her that I was a flop with chics
I've been this way since 1956...the clovers

the people who I was around generally didn't value academics at all, so that's why I got the responses that I did.

Some are intimidated and defensive, some resentful and take the offense, but most make up their mind about you as the conversation develops. I always told people i was a maintenance man in a power plant which was true - if questioned i'd explain we had engineers in maintenance support role there.

I sometimes ask what stations are their car radio buttons set for. Gets them talking about their interests - good icebreaker.

I married an artist who was supporting herself working in a photo-lab. Her "people skills" are vastly superior to mine so it's a nice complement. She didn't question my maintenance man status until we'd been dating for months and she noticed the engineering books and sliderules laying around.

So to the subject of the thread -
i'd say we should search out people whose traits of competitiveness, generosity and kindness about match what we want our own to be.

 

[jmeps]

I would like to know how exactly we sound pathetic, as I personally do not see it. I see people who genuinely do not know what they should be looking for and people, who all all on a forum and hence share a big interest, giving them advice. Have you not ever asked a friend in real life the same sort of question? I know I have.

Perhaps pathetic is not the best choice of words. Sad/lost/insecure might fit the situation better. All we can draw from is our own life experiences and with a great deal of luck (the good kind) someone just happens to be in the best place possible to benefit from them. Which is why we share these forums. Not to pontificate or judge but to share what we have already learned with others who do not have the gift of experience. So we ask "dumb" questions and learn if we are not already predisposed to our own answer. Yes we all have one before asking.
To answer the original question, there are some people that are more flexible mentally than others. These are the people you should seek out and associate with. You may not like all of them but you will learn what you do and do not like about them. And you will find that it has nothing to do with what subject they studied in school.

 

[cragar]

@ jmeps : I like how you say some people are more mentally flexible, I guess I should try to find someone who is open minded and doesn't judge and is understanding. Because I am that way.
Thanks everyone for your posts.