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Laptop Contracts Syphilis

  1. May 29, 2009 #1
    I didn't post all day yesterday because the day before, while I was googling images of syphilis, my laptop suddenly experienced general paralysis of the insane, and completely shut down. (If case you were wondering, it takes five pages of syphilis images to take a computer from initial infection to the advanced tertiary stage.)

    I spent all day yesterday giving it the mercury cure, but that didn't help. Last night I tried arsenic. No relief.

    The occasion of my google search was the interesting book I found at the Library: POX; Genius, Madness, and the Mysteries of Syphilis, by Deborah Hayden, 2003. Apparently Abraham Lincoln (and his wife) had syphilis. I hadn't heard that one before.

    (Incidentally, I don't recommend anyone google images of syphilis unless you have a mighty strong stomach.)

    Anyway, I could turn the computer on, connect with my ISP and browser, but could not get any web sites or forums to completely load. I did a scan and two "suspicious" files got quarantined, but I suspect they were low threats, not having been squelched outright to begin with. It didn't solve anything. Windows refused to go to any restore points I tried, about 5 different ones, and defragmenting, simply because I'd run out of other ideas, didn't make any difference.

    I ran a diagnostic on my ISP connection and it failed #6. I'm sure you all know what that means. I, however, don't have a clue. I fiddled with various options, shutting them off and on. Then I disconnected the power cord, and removed the battery, rendering the poxy machine suddenly unconscious.

    I turned it back on, and now everything works fine.

    Ever just kept randomly doing stuff to find, against all odds, something suddenly works?
    Last edited: May 29, 2009
  2. jcsd
  3. May 29, 2009 #2


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    Oh definately. Usually, if I'm trying to solve a problem and have *nothing* to go on, this is the approach I try...mostly to look for patterns. I've done it in the "Where's that Landmark?" thread in the Brainteasers forum. It almost never works, but when it does it's a rush.

    Btw, your computer probably didn't get syphilis. Rather, it got very concerned at why you were suddenly so interested in such a subject, then it saw the pics and got grossed out...and it suddenly realized your hands were all over it...:surprised
  4. May 29, 2009 #3


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    :uhh: Were you viewing images of syphilis, or people in the process of contracting syphilis when your computer went haywire? :biggrin:
  5. May 29, 2009 #4


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    Doesn't that just mean you have a Windows™(Microsoft) machine?
  6. May 29, 2009 #5
    When it failed #6 in the diagnostic (I'm sure you know what that means), I had some evidence that the problem was with the ISP and not the computer. Still, shutting options on and off is just a low-grade way of slapping it: I had no good reason to try this.
    So, you think it just...fainted?
  7. May 29, 2009 #6


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  8. May 29, 2009 #7
    I believe if you inject your lap top with this,
    It will be cured.
  9. May 29, 2009 #8
    No, not porn. I was viewing raw, horrifying syphilis images like this:


    (Sorry, you asked for it.)
  10. May 29, 2009 #9
    Yeah, I'm afraid it's not cured, just gone into latency, so I'll get me one of those and some blue juice and jab it ASAP. (Where can I get a USB adaptor for a syringe?)
  11. May 30, 2009 #10


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    SCOPE!!!!????? :biggrin:
  12. May 30, 2009 #11
    ahahah might as well be minty fresh while your at it.
  13. May 30, 2009 #12
    You have to be careful. If you work with your laptop over your lap instead of a table, then you can contract STDs from it.

    Not saying that I contracted herpes from that.
  14. May 30, 2009 #13
    The most contemporary term I believe is "plushie". It used to be "stuffed animal" or "stuffed doll".
  15. May 30, 2009 #14
    Yeah, well, what's the point of a laptop if it's not the lapdances?
    Hopefully your laptop can make the same statement about you.
  16. May 30, 2009 #15
    Haha, that's actually a brilliant idea, infect a photo having to do with an STD.
  17. May 30, 2009 #16
    A brilliant idea? Yeah, I guess if you're...

  18. May 31, 2009 #17
    Or a hacker with a sense of humor, instead of some *** that's just out to kill computers.
  19. May 31, 2009 #18
    Yeah, or...
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