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Laser jokes

  1. Dec 22, 2004 #1
    Does anyone know any laser jokes? I'm doing a short presentation on laser diodes and thought it might be fun to include a refreshing page of jokes near the end. I found a few on Google, but none were very funny.
  2. jcsd
  3. Dec 23, 2004 #2
    A famous joke about instructions outside a Laser lab

    "Do not stare into the beam with your remaining good eye"

  4. Dec 23, 2004 #3
    Q: What's the first thing Buck Rogers does to his wife after returning from a mission?
  5. Dec 23, 2004 #4
    I'm making this one up, but I have to leave for work so it's still in its most raw form:
    I showed my dumb ex-girlfriend one of those holographic 3D pictures. You know the ones I'm talking about, like the dove on a credit card. this one was a picture of a ship in a bottle. Very cool picture. Anyway, I showed her the holograph and she said. Wow, how do they do that?
    I said, "Well, using laser light they develop a different view of an object from each different angle. so as you turn the picture you see the object from a different angle."
    She said, "Wow, so that's how they get that big ship in a little bottle."
  6. Dec 23, 2004 #5
    thought of this on the way out the door:
    I'm a surveyor. and I was looking at a blueprint for a job I was doing. My dumb ex-girlfriend looked at the blueprint and said, "how do you do that?"
    i said, "Well, I take the numbers from this blueprint and transfer them to actual points on the ground. I use a laser beam bounced off a prism to get the exact distance."
    She said, "Wow, so that's how you read a map."
  7. Dec 23, 2004 #6
    Knock Knock!
    Who's there?
    Laser who?
    Laser faire.
  8. Dec 23, 2004 #7
    hmmm... so much hostility against this dumb ex-girlfriend. Bad relationship recently?

  9. Dec 23, 2004 #8
    recently? no. It was bad from the begining.
    I just used her in the jokes because they aren't jokes but true stories. that's not true. these aren't true stories. I would never have attempted to explain anything to her. i just use her in jokes about dumb people because it is so easy and I don't have to worry about her finding out, or understanding it for that matter.
    pretty good jokes though wouldn't you say? (This is what it looks like when I'm fishing for compliments.)
  10. Dec 23, 2004 #9
    You can try to make reference to Ghostbuster and tell the class, "not to cross the streams."

    Now that I think about it, it's not very funny.
  11. Dec 24, 2004 #10

    Ivan Seeking

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    I have a great story from the LASER crowd. One can never be sure about such stories but I was told by someone...actually two people who claimed to be there.

    One of my customers made high speed, high energy LASER drilling systems for the mass production of sheet templates for keyboards, printed circuit applications and such. This engineer, Tom, was once assigned to work the company's booth at a LASER technology fair. Being the yearly showcase for such technologies, the latest and greatest high energy IR LASER was set up for demonstrations. Of course, being IR, the beam is invisible, and for safety reasons the beam was kept below waste level. Near the end of the last day they had started to break things down when it was noted that the LASER was no longer aligned properly...and it was still turned on!!! :surprised

    While reaching to shut the device off, Tom and his associates quickly followed the beam's path, scanned the surrounding area, and saw that some horribly large number of people had cuts or burns in their pant legs - all at exactly the same level. :surprised :surprised :surprised Just then they saw a burn form on another persons pants leg as he walked by. They quickly broke things down and left.
  12. Dec 24, 2004 #11


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    That reminds me of the holes that I've heard can be seen in the walls of the sports hall and physics department after the laser was left on overnight. Before I waste my time looking for these holes, could someone tell me if some kind of high powered laser could burn holes through building walls if left on all night?
  13. Dec 24, 2004 #12

    Thx guys for your posts. This was the only one that made me laugh, but I had already found it online. I guess there aren't too many good ones, but the stories you posted were really funny.
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