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Life is like a box of coffee chocolates

  1. Aug 25, 2004 #1

    jimmy p

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    Life is like a box of coffee chocolates....

    :frown: I need a boost. Physically and emotionally. I just have a very predictable and dull life. FACT. Nothing happens that is good, they all seem to want to spite me by being bad.

    My parents are splitting up. I try stay out of it as much as possible, but it is hard to. I decided not to go to national day in Gibraltar because my dad was told by my Nan that he wasnt welcome in Gib then. If he isnt welcome then how am I supposed to feel welcome? All my family will do their is pick at all my dad's faults anyway. Hardly gonna be a fun holiday for me. Told my mum I wasnt going to go. Given the cold shoulder for a few days. I thought it was MY choice, and that she wouldnt care either way. My brother isnt going either and he got the same treatment.

    My exam results totally sucked. I did the second worst in the year. AND I was at college for an extra year so that makes me feel even more of a bloody dumbass. And all my friends will go to university and have a great time, meet loads of new people, forget about me, while I'm stuck in a dead end job in bumsville with a crappy set of qualifications. People say I'm a really smart person (some say the smartest they know :confused: ) however my rubbish grades arent going to help potential employers think that are they? I'm just some college failure to them.

    I'm stuck in a dead end job. Being a deputy manager isnt all it has cracked up to be. I get paid, what 80p more an hour to endure more crap than a cashier, work harder, have to know more things, make potentially disasterous decisions, and only have my follies pointed out. In fact I do the same job as a manager but with less pay. The only thing that the manager has above me is one more point of security, which means they can purchase items for the shop. Big whoop. In actual fact, I can too, because I am set as a manager in my shop instead of a DM. It is going nowhere, I'm constantly working 11 hour days 6 days a week, sometimes in other shops in the area which is a bigger strain. And being phoned from home cos I'm "the only person in the entire area who can do this" which is bull-plop, I'm just the first name they can think of because they are always bloody sending me 45 minutes drive away, and making me spend my day off looking for these goddamn shops. I'm only contracted to work 5 days a week but because they dont seem to have any competent staff anywhere, I always seem to work that damn extra day, leaving me with little social life.

    My social life sucks because I'm a slave to the industry. Ooh. When I finish work, I may have a couple of drinks at the pub with workmates. Monotonous. Nothing new ever seems to happen, so its just the same every night. I dont meet anyone new. When I go out to a club or something with friends, maybe once a month or something (once a month at my age?? that is preposterous!!) I go out, have a laugh but never meet anyone new, never chatting to new people. I dont meet girls, and I dont know why, it just never seems to happen. But that fact that I dont meet people means that I will be always stuck with the same few people to go out with and not meet anyone new everytime. What is the point? I go out to waste money and only have a relatively good time, but seeing as I am always the duty driver, it makes it a very sober night for me, so I dont get to socially unwind, I have to pretend that drunken antics are amusing otherwise I get labelled a boring/moody sod (too many times now).

    My love life is bordering non-existent. This is probably due to the fact that I cant meet girls. The last time I had someone interested in me was February but that went stale quickly because she had a boyfriend. I have had no female contact since then. The one girl I like, who is 21, is probably WAY out of my league, plus she is interested in someone else, plus she is older so there is a highly unlikely chance of anything occuring. There is no-one else I know who is single who I could be interested in. Isn't that sad?? The only single girl in my life who I see often, so I have to have a crush on her. I'm 19, I'm in my prime, I should be a love machine, but instead I'm like some... abacus with cobwebs on it. When I go out, every other guy is the carrot and potatoes, I'm the bloody brocolli and sprouts. I am brocolli man.

    I just seem to be going nowhere. I know I'm young and only just started life, but what happened to being carefree and spirited? I have lost all heart. I am constantly stressed. Always tense, always on edge. Each day gets harder and harder, it's like some heavy weight is dragging me into deep water and each day I sink a little lower. There is no hand to pull me up. I'm drowning in depression. I dont know where to turn, I dont know where to run to. I cant deal with all these things. These are the main problems, but give me time to think and I can come up with a few more. I just dont know what to do.

    Sometimes I get so angry I just want to tear down the walls, sometimes I just desensitize myself to everything, and sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

    I'm just so tired and drained of everything. Physically and emotionally. I just cant seem to put a foot right.
     
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  3. Aug 25, 2004 #2

    Moonbear

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    Aww, Jimmy, welcome to adulthood. Not all you hoped it would be, is it? Everyone hits a low spot, what matters is that you manage to keep pulling yourself up by your bootstraps...eventually your turn to shine will come. And we all enjoy your presence here! That counts for something, doesn't it?
     
  4. Aug 25, 2004 #3

    jimmy p

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    It does count, and its nice to be appreciated... even if by people a gazillion miles away. The worst bit is I stop seeing the funny side of things. I cant make a joke when things go wrong, or the situation needs it. Everything is serious and it sucks.
     
  5. Aug 25, 2004 #4

    Ivan Seeking

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    Jimmy, this is the best advice that I can offer.

    If you continue on your present course you will likely end up where you are going.
    – an ancient Chinese proverb.

    Part of growing up means that life often sucks. Often, circumstances require that you be patient and things will improve. For example, there is nothing that you can do, or could have done, to affect the problems between your parents. This is their problem and there is not much for you to do but to wait it out and be supportive. Still, how much life sucks is at least partly up to you. You are a smart guy! Figure out what to do.

    Have you chosen the wrong major? Do you want to move? Could you change jobs? Should you become a priest? :biggrin:
     
  6. Aug 25, 2004 #5
    You seem to have a lot in your mind. I wish you could just see the other side of things; the brighter ones.
     
  7. Aug 26, 2004 #6
    The sun will come out, tomorrow!
    Bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow!
    there'll be sun!
    Jus' thinkin' about tomorrow! tomorrow!
    Clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow!
    'Til there's none...

    TOMORROW! TOMORROW!

    I love ya, tomorrow!!!
    You're always a daaaaaaay awaaaaay!

    Does that cheer you up?
    :biggrin:
     
  8. Aug 26, 2004 #7

    Evo

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    Chopnik, I am so sad to hear about all that you are going through. :frown: I know your parents splitting up this way has really disrupted your life. I wish there was something I could do to make things better for you.

    Jimmy, you are a very smart kid. You have a great personality and a wonderful sense of humor. People love you.

    You will never be alone. Things will get better. There is a line in a favorite movie of mine "It's a Wonderful Life" "no man is a failure who has friends", you have a lot of friends. :smile:
     
  9. Aug 26, 2004 #8

    Math Is Hard

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    I am so glad you posted that. It was meaningful to me also. It made me think of a quote from the movie The Wizard of Oz. When the wizard gives the Tin Man a heart he tells him, "Remember... a heart is not judged by how much you love, but how much you are loved by others."
     
  10. Aug 26, 2004 #9
    jimmyp, if it is any help to you, your posts always cheer me up! I just wish I could do the same for you; it is unfortunate that I almost don't have a sense of humour.
     
  11. Aug 26, 2004 #10

    Gza

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    Jimmy,

    Being around your age (I'll be 21 in december), I understand what you are going through. Last year was one of the worst years of my life. I was going to community college while all of my high school friends went on to bigger and better things at university. Pretty much the only person I had to confide in was my girlfriend of two years and she left me too. My GPA started to dip because of my daily depression(I literally don't remember laughing once that entire year :cry: ). That's when I decided I needed out of the situation, so I concentrated on my studying with no outside distractions and ended up getting accepted to UC Santa Barbara. Changing locations really went a long way in changing the person I am. It was like a clean slate for me. I ended up meeting tons of people and truly enjoying life(and forgetting allll about my ex :cool: ). Being here, I realized that I could be this new person anywhere, its not the physical location that matters, its really about how you perceive yourself. If you see yourself as a guy who doesn't know how to talk to girls because you are too shy; surprise; you won't be able to do it.

    As far as the girl situation, you just really need to put yourself in situations where you are accessible to them. Going to clubs, bars and community events is a good start. It really all comes down to probability in my book. If you haven't had a casual or serious relationship before, I understand it could be intimidating, since you wouldn't know what signals of interest to be looking for from a girl (women are pretty cryptic :wink: ) A girl could talk to you for a while, seeming to drop subtle hints that she's interested in you without having any interest in you whatsoever. So take the approach of assuming every girl you are interested in, having a mutual interest in you. This makes it much easier to talk to a girl and let your personality, rather than your shyness shine through. And when you get a number, don't get a cell number or worse yet, a work number, get her home number. This tends to make talking to her a more personal experience, rather than calling her while she's running errands or driving, and not paying attention to you. As far as building confidence, I would strongly suggest (if you don't already have one) a workout routine(sports and weightraining are excellent). This may seem a superficial approach to building confidence, but it really does help in improving your perception of your body's image, which translates into real confidence with other people (plus you tend to get more glances from the ladies :wink: ). Wow, I feel like one of those dating columnists, i've given all my secrets away :devil: . I know that dating was only one aspect of your pain. It was the only one I could think of giving advice on. I really pray for the best for you, and hope you can look back on this time in the future as a period of struggle that shaped you into a stronger person. I guess the only possible way to end this post is with some words of inspiration from one of my favorite rappers, the late great Tupac Shakur:


    "There's gonna be some stuff you gonna see that's gonna make it hard to smile in the future, but through whatever you see, through all the rain and all the pain, you gotta keep your sense of humor. You gotta be able to smile through all this bullsh*t"
    -Tupac Shakur
     
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2004
  12. Aug 26, 2004 #11
    Tupac was a legend.
     
  13. Aug 26, 2004 #12

    jimmy p

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    Become addicted to Prozac?

    I wanted to do physics at uni and nothing else interested me. My 4 a-level subjects were physics, maths, biology and chemistry. I do want to change jobs, but not yet because I need at least 6 months management training under my belt to make it worth my while. Should I become a priest? ....nah.


    There is a brighter side to this?

    Yes it does :rofl:

    Things will get better. I said that at the start of the year when I was clearing up the last remnants of my pride after I got severely depressed when I broke up with (now ex) girlfriend and then failed to patch it up. Maybe this is just a bad year. I try keep out of my parents affairs but my mum just seems to thrust me into them again. Maybe I'm not a failure, but I'm certainly not winning much either.

    :smile: I think I need my tribdog back. He was good at making me chuckle. It is a big consolation that being alive on this planet cheers a lot of people up, and that I can make people across the globe happy that I am here. That is why I would never turn to suicide or self harm.

    Wise words. Maybe you should be a dating columnist. I have had one serious relationship... in fact that was my only relationship. I still found girls a mystery then. I could never understand what she wanted or signals that were let out, and it obviously shows now. I'm too typically male for my own good. I have a vague workout routine, but that I use that more to feel good then to boost my confidence.

    Yes he was.
     
  14. Aug 26, 2004 #13

    Math Is Hard

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    I was thinking Jimmy should become a writer, as clever and entertaining as he is. Only problem with that is he'd get rich and famous and forget he ever knew us. :cry:

    Anyway, cheer up Chopnik. Let's go over to Tsu's virtual birthday party later and we'll have some laughs. :smile:
     
  15. Aug 26, 2004 #14
    So no one told you that it was gonna be this way? Your job's a joke you're broke, love life's doa..

    Some good advice here already. Just stay the course. Worry about school first. If you get that straight, women, money, job, life.. all of that will fall into place on it's own. It's probably hard to see right now.

    What can I say? Sometimes life blows goats balls....hehee. But it will get better. And if you don't like the way things are going, change them. If you can't see a way to do that, be patient, and keep looking- opportunity will present itsself.
     
  16. Aug 26, 2004 #15
    jimmyp,
    Take out your bass and play. It won't necessarily make you feel better, but when you got the blues (for some darn good reasons), you might as well use them. Just don't play, "The Sun Will Come Out Tommorrow"! :yuck:

    Hope things look up for you soon.
     
  17. Aug 26, 2004 #16
    I've been a fan since '97. He's great!
     
  18. Aug 26, 2004 #17

    jimmy p

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    Argh... my bass. No tuner and no amp. I only got the bass a while ago, I cant afford the rest until next tuesday. That also sucks. Lack of money.
     
  19. Aug 26, 2004 #18
    You will see the brighter side if you want. You won't see any if you don't want. it is just simple as that. Who is in charge of your mind ? Certainly it is not me. What i want to tell you is that no matter what, you have to be optimistic in order to survive all these !
     
  20. Aug 26, 2004 #19

    Tsu

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    Awww..... sweet Chopnik. Everything everyone said...

    Just hang in there. It WILL get better. Everyone has their ups and downs. I'm on a down myself lately and as Ivan pointed out this morning - "HEY! At least you aren't going through chemo or radiation therapy at this point in your life!!" Guess he's got a good point... :biggrin: I also haven't been diagnosed with Hodgkins or face/throat cancer or ALS or anything really gruesome, so.... SEE?? Life could be a LOT worse!! WE love you!! That should count for a LOT!! :wink:

    Don't let your mom and dad drag you into their 'stuff'. If they start putting you in the middle, TALK to them and tell them they can't be doing that!!! They KNOW it's not fair to you, but in their own pain, they may not see what they are doing. It's up to YOU to point it out!

    Come on over to my party!! We have CHOCOLATE!!! :biggrin:
     
  21. Aug 27, 2004 #20

    jimmy p

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    I have to admit, that once I got that rant out, I have been feeling slightly better. I havent wanted to cry since then so that is a good thing. Yeah, I think I'll go chocltate at your party to cheer me up.

    Thanks for all your wise words.

    James.
     
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