Living with Parents at 23: Pros & Cons

[Holocene]

At 23, I'm starting to hate it.

But my expenses are huge. Often $400 in a single weekend to rent airplanes. No, I will NOT give it up, as I'm pretty much set on becomming a professional piltot, which means I NEED to spend that kind of money to get my ratings.

Plus, I'm about 90% sure I'll be going back to school this fall, so that's even more money.

Plus I have to have extra money for motorcycle riding and shooting guns and watching movies and stuff like that.

Any possible way I can start living on my own?

Or should I just live with my parents as long as possible to save as much money as possible?

 

[Poop-Loops]

You could always try winning the lottery.

 

[Moonbear]

Well, if you cut back on your budget and get a good job, you can afford to live on your own, but whether you want to or will do that is up to you and your parents.

Money spent working on acquiring training for a career is a justifiable expense, money spent purely on entertainment can be used more wisely if it's the difference between financial independence and living home with mommy and daddy forever.

 

[DaveC426913]

At 23, I'm starting to hate it.

I have someone I really really REALLY REALLY REALLY want you to talk to. Go out for a drink. I'll pay. Go out for a meal. A whole night. I'll pay for the whole thing. No expense spared. Talk about what you hate about living with your parents. Talk about planning that involves more than this weekend's bar trip and a pack of smokes. Talk about the REAL cost of financial independence. Talk about not having grocery faeries. Talk about ANYTHING that's better about being 20+ than being a perpetual teenager.

The horror. The horror.

 

[arunma]

Why do you want to move out so badly? Unless you have overly restrictive parents who treat you half your age, it doesn't seem so bad. If I weren't in graduate school I'd live with my parents. Heck, there's a large clinic in my parents' town, so if I end up becoming a medical physicist after I get my PhD (one of the many options I've considered), I wouldn't mind living with my parents even then. As you yourself have said, you save a lot of money that way. And if you happen to like being around your parents (I do, but I may be weird), there isn't really much of a downside.

 

[Holocene]

Well, I just feel I ought to be living on my own.

I suppose it might be easier if I had a girlfriend. At least then the cost of rent could be split.

But, I haven't found a girl, mainly because I never go out and look and I have a very pessimistic attitude.

I suppose I should overcome that.

 

[waht]

I know one 30 year old at work that would do anything to move back to his parent's house. However his parents won't allow him to move in. He now struggles from pay check to pay check, and lives with a roommate actually.

 

[DaveC426913]

Well, I just feel I ought to be living on my own.

I suppose it might be easier if I had a girlfriend. At least then the cost of rent could be split.

Word of advice. Get a roommate that isn't your girlfriend.

Mixing the two before the time is right is a road to disaster.

 

[DaveC426913]

He now struggles from pay check to pay check, and lives with a roommate actually.

And he is a much stronger, more capable adult for it. Don't doubt it for a second.

 

[gravenewworld]

I moved back home to pay off $40,000 in student loans. Despite what people tell you, you need to allow yourself to have money for recreation like going to the movies, the bar with your friends, travel etc. If you don't you will simply go insane. You will piss away your 20's trying to pay off debt and won't be able to hang out with your friends while you are young if you don't spend any money on entertainment purposes. However, the key is just to not go overboard.

And he is a much stronger, more capable adult for it. Don't doubt it for a second.

How so? Just because one struggles from pay check to pay check doesn't make them strong. That will mean nothing in the end if you struggle from pay check to pay check until you are 65 and can't retire because you only have $5000 in retirement savings.

 

[Poop-Loops]

And he is a much stronger, more capable adult for it. Don't doubt it for a second.

Then give me half of your paycheck. You'll be stronger for it, because it will mean you will have to struggle. Deal?

 

[russ_watters]

How so? Just because one struggles from pay check to pay check doesn't make them strong.

See: post #1

 

[Poop-Loops]

I can sympathize with the OP a bit. I live with my parents while going to college. It's not as "free" as it would be if I had my own place. Especially since my mom gets really paranoid if I don't "call in" at night or something, even though I'm 21. I mean, I'm a shut-in, so I don't really do anything, but my point is that having parents over your shoulders the whole time kind of sucks.

That being said, I'll take it over having to pay for my own housing and food any day. I am REALLY grateful that they didn't kick me out when I graduated high-school and I remind them of that periodically, and NEVER ***** to them about anything like that.

That being said, I'm getting more and more excited about moving out when I leave for grad school. I realize it won't be all roses and chocolates, but it will be a good experience. I mean, I'd have to do it sooner or later anyway, so it's not like delaying it would help at all.

 

[jhicks]

I'd go nuts if I lived at home. I live within 3 hours of home and I'm constantly getting bugged to drive home often, which I don't like because it's simply too easy to go home, get laundry done, get food, etc. In a sense I feel somewhat cheated in the independence department, which is why I'm really looking forward to living say 10 hours away instead of 3.

Living at home can make you too reticent in your future; All my friends that stayed at home after high school have had major life changes for the worst (dropped out of college, got married and never went to college, did bum stuff like party and join bands and work at menial jobs). You need to get out and start making sacrifices or your life will turn out as you will not like.

 

[DaveC426913]

How so? Just because one struggles from pay check to pay check doesn't make them strong.

One can choose to rise to the responsibility of being an independent adult or one can choose not to.

 

[DaveC426913]

Then give me half of your paycheck. You'll be stronger for it, because it will mean you will have to struggle. Deal?

I have earned what I have. The struggling is what turns teenagers into adults.

 

[gravenewworld]

One can choose to rise to the responsibility of being an independent adult or one can choose not to.

Yeah try telling someone living pay check to pay check that they are "independent". I did it before, and you are nothing more than a slave. How are you supposed to live on your own when you can't even afford to save for a down payment on a house because you are suffocating under a load of other bills? I'm sorry, but I am not going to pay someone else's mortgage for the rest of my life via rent. Paying rent is much more of a waste of money than spending money on going to the movies.

 

[DaveC426913]

Yeah try telling someone living pay check to pay check that they are "independent". I did it before, and you are nothing more than a slave.

So, you'll mooch off your parents then?

Struggling is one of the rites of passage into adulthood. Adulthood is not meted out by parents, it is taken by those who want it. Those who don't can stay children all their life.

Nobody said growing up was going to be pleasant. Or easy.

 

[gravenewworld]

So, you'll mooch off your parents then?

Nobody said growing up was going to be pleasant. Or easy.But what's the alternative? Stay a child your whole life?

Considering the fact that my parents don't even care, and actually even want me to live back at home, then yes, I will gladly "mooch" off my parents.

Let me guess, you are some old school guy who went to college 30 years ago when it cost $2000 for tuition. Sorry, but times have changed, and college tuition prices have easily outpaced inflation over the past 20 years. Kids leave college these days with $40, 50, even $100 K in debt. If you did research further you would also see that inflation adjusted salaries for college grads hasn't even risen over the past 20 years (in fact if I remember correctly it has actually fallen). Put it this way, if I died right on the spot right now, I'd probably be worth about negative $60,0000.

 

[turbo]

At some point in your life, you have to grow up and take responsibility for your future career-track and personal development. Don't wait.

 

[Astronuc]

Yeah try telling someone living pay check to pay check that they are "independent". I did it before, and you are nothing more than a slave. How are you supposed to live on your own when you can't even afford to save for a down payment on a house because you are suffocating under a load of other bills? I'm sorry, but I am not going to pay someone else's mortgage for the rest of my life via rent. Paying rent is much more of a waste of money than spending money on going to the movies.

My wife taught English to a couple who had immigrated from Mexico about 20 years ago. They lived in the barrios of NY City and had never learned English, because folks only spoke Spanish in the neighborhood. The husband had three jobs and the wife had two, and they took care of three children. The worked hard enough for years in an inexpensive and crappy apartment, but they saved up enough to buy a house.

When one does not have a huge salary, one has to make sacrifices. I lived in cheap apartments or with roommates in college, and I worked as much as I could on holidays and summers, during my undergrad and graduate programs. I did not take out student loans, and I left graduate school debt free and with part of a small down payment for a house. My parents helped me out because they wanted to repay for some of the support I gave to them to help my siblings in college.

I left home when I was 17 and I didn't look back.

 

[Cyrus]

If you want to become a professional pilot, its going to cost you at least $30k to get your CFI rating to build up time. I would look into a school that will give you the whole thing. You might save a few bucks. But flying is god damn expensive.

PS, I also live at home. Which means I come home from my office at school around 12, go to sleep, wake up, and go back to my office.

 

[DaveC426913]

Considering the fact that my parents don't even care, and actually even want me to live back at home, then yes, I will gladly "mooch" off my parents.

One of the things about not being a slave is to be able to make one's own decisions, yes? So, why would one want to leave the decision about whether one lives with ones parents - up to the parents?

"Thank you for the offer, but I want your respect as an equal, not as a child of yours."

Let me guess, you are some old school guy who went to college 30 years ago when it cost $2000 for tuition. Sorry, but times have changed, and college tuition prices have easily outpaced inflation over the past 20 years. Kids leave college these days with $40, 50, even $100 K in debt.

Don't guess. You do us both a disservice. Attack the argument, not the arguer.





I should qualify. I don't mean to suggest parents should toss their children out in the cold street; if the children have a clear plan to get a specific education, and a plan for their financial independence in a certain timeline, that is certainly something the parents can extend to them. Of course, it is at the pleasure of the parents; the children are still beholden.


But that's not mooching, it's investing in the future.

 

[turbo]

My wife taught English to a couple who had immigrated from Mexico about 20 years ago. They lived in the barrios of NY City and had never learned English, because folks only spoke Spanish in the neighborhood. The husband had three jobs and the wife had two, and they took care of three children. The worked hard enough for years in an inexpensive and crappy apartment, but they saved up enough to buy a house.

When one does not have a huge salary, one has to make sacrifices. I lived in cheap apartments or with roommates in college, and I worked as much as I could on holidays and summers, during my undergrad and graduate programs. I did not take out student loans, and I left graduate school debt free and with part of a small down payment for a house. My parents helped me out because they wanted to repay for some of the support I gave to them to help my siblings in college.

I left home when I was 17 and I didn't look back.

You've been to my modest little house, Astronuc. The place is tiny and easy to heat and we have 8-9 acres of less-than-prime land. Forunately, we have a nice vegetable garden and have a nephew from who whom we can buy firewood. When you have parents who are just keeping their noses out of the water, you find ways to help them, not suck off their meager assets.

 

[gravenewworld]

My wife taught English to a couple who had immigrated from Mexico about 20 years ago. They lived in the barrios of NY City and had never learned English, because folks only spoke Spanish in the neighborhood. The husband had three jobs and the wife had two, and they took care of three children. The worked hard enough for years in an inexpensive and crappy apartment, but they saved up enough to buy a house.

When one does not have a huge salary, one has to make sacrifices. I lived in cheap apartments or with roommates in college, and I worked as much as I could on holidays and summers, during my undergrad and graduate programs. I did not take out student loans, and I left graduate school debt free and with part of a small down payment for a house. My parents helped me out because they wanted to repay for some of the support I gave to them to help my siblings in college.

I left home when I was 17 and I didn't look back.

Not possible today unless you get a full ride scholarship. I really wish you old timers would stop comparing what it was like when you went to college to what college is like these days. I worked 3 jobs during college and full time during the summer. You know what that was able to pay off? Books, rent, and utilities only. That's it.

You think I want to live at home? I figure if I devote about 70% of all of my disposable income over the next 4-5 years to just paying student loans I will be set free. If I don't do that and move out and decide to rent, it will take me 20+ years to pay off the loans and another 5-10 years after that to even be able to save enough for a down payment on a house. By then I will be 50 before I could even buy a house.It's funny in America, you are supposed to be kicked out of the house when you turn 18 according to society, but in places in Europe (especially Spain) kids live at their parents house until their mid 30s. I guess they are moochers too.

 

[waht]

It's funny in America, you are supposed to be kicked out of the house when you turn 18 according to society, but in places in Europe (especially Spain) kids live at their parents house until their mid 30s. I guess they are moochers too.

This reminds of what I heard on the news some time ago.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4227675.stm

The proportion of Italians aged between 30 and 34 still living at home has doubled to well over a quarter, a recent government report concludes.

Sons linger even longer than daughters, the government says, with 36.5% of men aged 30 to 34 remaining at home, compared to just 18.1% of women.

Younger siblings are also staying at home - with 90% of those aged between 20 and 24 years of age living at home by 2000, 10% more than in 1990.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I'm an old timer, but I go to school now. I live on my own and work full-time. But here's the deal: I work at the university where I study and that allows me a 2/3 off employee discount on tuition. I also have amazingly nice bosses who allow me to flex my schedule around classes. If you strategize carefully, it's possible to find a situation that will allow you to live independently and complete school without racking up a bunch of loans to pay back. Of course, the downside is having no free time (or money) for now. Weekends are all about homework and catching up on reading.

 

[scorpa]

But here's the deal: I work at the university where I study and that allows me a 2/3 off employee discount on tuition. I also have amazingly nice bosses who allow me to flex my schedule around classes.

Wow MIH that is smart, hard to balance work and school I am sure but if you have to that is definitely the way to go! I wasn't aware employees could get discounts like that!

 

[lisab]

So go to school part-time, that's how I did it. Yep, it took a while - 9-1/2 years to get my BS!

I left home at 17, like Astro. I lived in the cheapest places possible, usually renting a room out of a house. Look at "Room For Rent" ads, you'll see how cheap it can be.

Yep, it's tough...I lived paycheck-to-paycheck nearly the whole time. But when I FINALLY got my degree, I was full-on adult...that's helped me immeasurably in the workplace. I've worked with several fresh-out-of-school people who can't show up for work on-time, with clean clothes, not hung over. They might have earned good grades in school, but in the real world, they didn't do so well.

The trick is figuring out a "want" from a "need." You say you "have" to shoot guns and ride motorcycles; no, you don't. Figure out what your priorities are; are you willing to give up luxuries for independence?

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

Do whatever you want. I don't care, all this you must leave home at 18 crap is, well crap, it's like anything else, leave home when you're good and ready, or when the economic situation is most suitable, or when you get married or whatever. Although at 74 you might of left it a little late. Still at least you probably inherit the house, which is like leaving home by default without actually having to leave home.

Personally I'd stay at a halls of residence as a student but that's just me.

 

[tgt]

I have earned what I have. The struggling is what turns teenagers into adults.

I thought it was love or maybe lost love that turn teenagers into adults? i.e it's not yourself all the time anymore. You realize there is more then just yourself in life.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

Life turns teenagers into adults. Not one single thing.

 

[Astronuc]

Not possible today unless you get a full ride scholarship. I really wish you old timers would stop comparing what it was like when you went to college to what college is like these days. I worked 3 jobs during college and full time during the summer. You know what that was able to pay off? Books, rent, and utilities only. That's it.

You think I want to live at home? I figure if I devote about 70% of all of my disposable income over the next 4-5 years to just paying student loans I will be set free. If I don't do that and move out and decide to rent, it will take me 20+ years to pay off the loans and another 5-10 years after that to even be able to save enough for a down payment on a house. By then I will be 50 before I could even buy a house.

It's funny in America, you are supposed to be kicked out of the house when you turn 18 according to society, but in places in Europe (especially Spain) kids live at their parents house until their mid 30s. I guess they are moochers too.

I chose to go to a public university which I could afford, rather than a place like MIT which cost about 5-8 times as much. I simply didn't want to go into heavy debt to get an education. My parents have 4 kids to support and it was planned that my siblings and I would attend college.

I started working at 16 in order to save money to go to university. My first job paid $0.60/hr (Actually I had job when I was 14 at a bike shop, but that covered my expenses).

During university, I looked for whatever jobs were available. During the first summer of university, I took a job as a plumbers helper on campus, and I kept that job parttime during the fall and spring. Through that job, I learned about another job working in the food service (mostly dishwashing), for which I got room and board at university. One of the plumbers I worked with lined up another summer job at an oil refinery, and I did that one summer. Then I found construction jobs during the latter part of my undergrad program.

If kids live at home, I hope they pay their portion of the living expenses, which is only fair.

Stop whining about how hard life is. Most of us have been there - and we worked it out. One does what one has to do.

 

[DaveC426913]

Life turns teenagers into adults. Not one single thing.

More to the point, it is how they choose to deal with life that turns them into adults. Life is an unknown, and out of your control.; the only thing you can control is yourself.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

More to the point, it is how they choose to deal with life that turns them into adults. Life is an unknown, and out of your control.; the only thing you can control is yourself.

Indeed. Mind you I never quite got the hang of being an adult in the way most people do. People seem to think being adult is about being mature and respectable and so on. I think being adult is knowing when to be a child and when to be mature. Makes life more interesting if you're not serious about everything. I think that's perhaps the best lesson I could teach any child, is to try not to lose your inner one to the jaded cynicism that often comes with age.