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  1. Feb 21, 2004 #1
    Is it better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all?
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 21, 2004 #2


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    my personal experience...no

    When I was younger I was baffled by an older co-worker who said she would never allow herself to fall in love again, that it just wasn't worth it.

    Now I understand.
  4. Feb 21, 2004 #3
    It's something to do with choosing the wrong type of Guy. Since when it comes to relationships, Guys do the picking but Women do the choosing.

    Choose wisely
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2004
  5. Feb 21, 2004 #4


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    I thought I was a good judge of character. I gotta say this guy could win an oscar. I've since heard the same from other people that have known him. Oh well, I'm older and wiser now.
  6. Feb 21, 2004 #5
  7. Feb 21, 2004 #6
    Several girls that I know are extremely bad judges of character. They choose the thugs who look like they just got out of jail and like to club eachother often (reference to How to Attract A Babe: The Old School of the Thought post).

    After a while the girls break up with the guys, call them jerks, never learn of their past experiences, and the girl finds another thug and the cycle starts up all over again. Very pre-didily-ictable.
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2004
  8. Feb 21, 2004 #7


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    It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.

    Ofcourse if the loss was for all the wrong reasons, there is something to be said for never having loved at all, but that never happened to me.

    Wouldn't it be ideal to not loose? Though?
  9. Feb 22, 2004 #8
    I believe some are missing the point here, how is it possible to appreciate the good days without experiencing the bad? Thats why i believe Shakespeare wrote it is better.
  10. Feb 22, 2004 #9

    jimmy p

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    A wise man once said

    "love is only an instinct for reproduction"

    I would rather not love, my one experience wasnt worth the pain afterwards, so i will quit while i'm ahead.

    Also i have noticed that girls go for thugs. Maybe it's a power craze cos even the stupidest girls will be smarter than their boyfriends . Nature favours idiots?
  11. Feb 22, 2004 #10
    I agree with Funker

    It makes me sad that so many of you have had such harsh experiences with love in the past that you have shut yourselves to the possibility of love. I know from personal experience the pain and hearbreak that accompanies love. I think though that being in Love is one of the most amazing things you can experience as a human being, heartbreak and all. So to get the most out of our existants as humans we need to feel all that we can, experience the full range of human emotion. So if given the opportunity for love jump in with both feet, don't look back, even knowing that it will likely end one day. So be brave my fellow PFers and focus on the moment and jump in with both feet. :smile:
  12. Feb 22, 2004 #11
    You know girls always get blamed for choosing the wrong guys, thugs and such. But come on if this is the type of girl that you wanted then you are not choosing well either . There are tons of girls out there that think smart guys are hot, and go for nice guys. So Come'on now jimmy p were not all bad .
  13. Feb 22, 2004 #12


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    Experience the bad to appreciate the good? No, not my point of view at all.. I'd very happily go without experiencing the bad, thank you
  14. Feb 22, 2004 #13
    True love conquers all....or something along those lines.
  15. Feb 22, 2004 #14
    Because girls don't know what they want. They really dont.

    You have to find a balance between being a nice guy, and saying No once in a while if you truly believe it and you're not talking through your ego.
  16. Feb 22, 2004 #15
    If girls like that are out there, they sure are far less numerous than the thug-liking type. I certainly havn't met any recently.
  17. Feb 22, 2004 #16
    QUOTE]Originally posted by FUNKER
    Is it better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all? [/QUOTE]

    The premise for this question is incorrect.--If you truly love, then you cannot have lost...When love touches you, you will know. It will leave a lasting imprint on who you are and what you become.

    The conversations I see around this quote seem to be more about picking the right guy than about love...but I think there is something deeper that we can touch in a discussion about love.

    Love is not something to be lost...it is yours forever...It is an emotion that has empowered many to become the best of who they can be...

    People may come and go...love is here to stay.
  18. Feb 22, 2004 #17


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    Re: Re: Love

    You met one today -> me :)

    Very true, I feel the same.
  19. Feb 22, 2004 #18


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    I agree with Monique. I can appreciate the beauty & fragrance of a rose without the pain of being pricked by the thorns.

    I have never gone for the thug type. I have always gone for the quiet, shy, nerdy type, preferably with glasses! My disaster was when I was talked into dating a gorgeous, super athletic type that I had little in common with. He didn't break my heart, I left him, but he caused me significant financial damage before I realized what he was up to, we were married. He is currently under a court order to pay back $292,000. Long, long story.

    The result is that I would have been much better off never meeting him, so my answer to "Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" is no. Sometimes the pain outweighs the gain.

    That's not true. I know exactly what I want and what I don't want in man. I've learned what is important (to me) in a relationship. I understand my faults and limitations now and how much I am willing to give or bend to make a relationship work and with that comes an understanding of when to admit that there is too much incompatibility to pursue a healthy relationship.
  20. Feb 22, 2004 #19


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    I guess we've only got intelligent women coming to these forums :wink: Ivan is not a thug eiter, right, Tsunami?
  21. Feb 22, 2004 #20
    Same here. There is nothing enobling about pain. After a certain point it just numbs you, or prevents you from allowing yourself to enjoy things.
    Great. Here I am, eight feet tall, covered with hair, built like a brick wall, and you want Mr. Peepers.
    I always think I know what I want. Then I'll find myself attracted to someone who doesn't fit the profile.

    In general my experience with women is that they will put more effort into trying to salvage an incompatible relationship than a man will, but of course, every woman is different.

    Whether or not someone is richer after a love lost depends alot on hw the loss happens. Discovering your mate is a thief is a whole different ball of wax then loss by death, and even from loss because they prefered another. In some cases the whole experience was a waste. In others there was much good, in spite of the fact it ended somehow.

    So, I think Shakespeare was right in some cases, wrong in others.
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