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Marriage and commitment

  1. Jan 11, 2014 #1


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    Humans are generally socially interactive. There are a variety of relationships in which one can be involved, e.g., home/family, friendships, companionships, acquaintances, collegial or peer relationships, partnerships, and one-on-one intimate relationships. Perhaps the penultimate relationship is marriage.

    Edmund O'Neill wrote -

    Some other thoughts on marriage - http://www.wedding-references.com/poetry_on_marriage.htm

    In pursuing an intimate relationship, it is perhaps worthwhile to reflect on O'Neill's words (there are perhaps other aspects or functions one could add to O'Neills list, e.g., supporter).

    There are quite a few threads in this forum on dating. Dating is a process by which the parties learn about each other, or should do so, in addition to achieving companionship or providing entertainment. Part of the learning process should be about likes/dislikes, goals/aspirations, principles, etc. Dating starts with two strangers, and it may end with two estranged individuals, or it may conclude with an intimate relationship.
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  3. Jan 11, 2014 #2


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    Marriage can be a huge mistake, two people that really don't belong together only find out after they get married that they aren't compatible, or as they mature, they find that their interests have grown far enough apart that they have little or nothing in common.

    I feel that when two married people realize that their relationship is no longer healthy, they should divorce and allow each other the opportunity to find mental peace of mind either alone or with someone else. Unfortunately many people are too frightened to end the relationship, no matter how bad it is because they are either more afraid of being alone, or afraid of what other people might think. I think divorce is preferable to cheating, abusing and even murder.

    I have to disagree with O"Neill, "marriage" is not some magical bandage that you can force onto people that mystically fixes everything. If you know history, marriage in ancient times had very little to do with "love".

    Last edited: Jan 11, 2014
  4. Jan 11, 2014 #3


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    I'm thinking more in terms of the marital relationship as opposed to the institution of marriage or legal relationship. Clearly one does not have to be 'married' in order to establish such a relationship.

    Clearly some people 'marry' impulsively, or without necessary thought, conviction or commitment.

    I would propose that folks give some thought before pursuing a relationship, especially marriage.

    I think O'Neill idealized 'marriage', as do others. It works for some, like my parents and grandparents, but certainly fails for many others.
  5. Jan 11, 2014 #4


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    I see having a healthy marriage as being like maintaining one's weight. There are known processes to keeping them both healthy. In dieting it's all about exercise, eating the right foods, and portion control. Mutual respect, acceptance of your spouse's differences and humor are important factors in maintaining a healthy marriage. In both, there can be times where you don't stick the plan like you should. A little mistake here or there probably won't wreck either of them but, continual bad habits have a way of adding up.
  6. Jan 11, 2014 #5
    Too early to think about such things. There is not enough time for me alone in 1 day, how should I even consider commitment. They say it happens out of the blue, when one least expects it. Guess I will keep my fishing boat ready to go until someone has the audacity to tell me to stop fishing.
  7. Jan 11, 2014 #6


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    When I was a teen in the 60s it seemed like people married on a whim. Often, a baby would show up about 8-9 months later, so some of those could be explained. Some of my classmates have been married and divorced 3,4, or 5 times. My wife and I have been married for over 35 years, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

    First and only marriage for both, BTW
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2014
  8. Jan 11, 2014 #7


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    I would comment, but I've never been married.

    But I have seen stories.

    hmmm... I guess marriage is like a book.

    Sometimes, a book is bad, even thought it had a fancy cover. For after reading the first page: garbage.
    Sometimes, a book is good, and you are thankful the author kept writing more.
    And sometimes, even though you thought it didn't exist, you find the book, you've waited your whole life for.
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