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Math joke thread lol

  1. Mar 2, 2007 #1
    i got some math jokes on my cmoputer. Some are alright, most are terrible. Ill keep adding some periodically. Feel free to post your own.

    Whats purple and commutes?
    An abelian grape.
    (i have no idea what that one means)

    Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
    A: Pumpkin Pi!

    Teacher: What is 2k + k?
    Student: 3000!

    Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?
    A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

    Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?
    A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!

    Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
    Student: "It's 42!"
    Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
    Same student: "It's 24!"

    Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?
    A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...

    Q: What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean?
    A: Möbius Dick...
    ( i have no idea what this means)

    Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.

    There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think binarily and those who can't...

    Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?
    A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...

    It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?"
    The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!"

    Q: What does the Ph.D. in math with a job say to the Ph.D. in math without a job?
    A: `Paper or plastic?'

    Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?
    A: Prime Rib!

    Q: Why do mathematicians often confuse Christmas and Halloween?
    A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
    (dont get this one)
  2. jcsd
  3. Mar 2, 2007 #2

    Gib Z

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    Abelian Groups are such that they commute.

    Look such Möbius strip in google, its a famous figure in topology/differentail geometry. You'll get the joke.

    I dont get the christman halloween one either.
  4. Mar 2, 2007 #3


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    oct(31) denotes the number 31 in the octal number system. In decimal this is equal to 3x8+1x80=25, or dec(25)
  5. Mar 2, 2007 #4


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    "A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut."
  6. Mar 2, 2007 #5


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    That's actually quite good (for a maths joke!)
  7. Mar 2, 2007 #6


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    Actually, I wanted to post another one, but I already posted the link once, and my post was removed because it was considered inappropriate, although I don't think it's that nasty, but nevermind.

    Still, I decide to be a rebel, so I'll give implicit instructions [:devil::biggrin:]: type 'polly nomial' into google, it's the first thing that appears.
  8. Mar 2, 2007 #7


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    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
  9. Mar 2, 2007 #8
    OMG, hilarious...
  10. Mar 2, 2007 #9
    That was too good! :rofl:

    I wonder if that was added to the 'Pick-up Lines' thread? :biggrin:
  11. Mar 2, 2007 #10
    Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
    He worked it out with a pencil.
  12. Mar 2, 2007 #11
    True anecdotes from my teaching career

    The question asked the students to find angle A
    Student: I have found it sir, it is in the bottom left hand corner of this triangle.

    Student: But sir it is not true you need two, I have found a congruent triangle

    Student, after analysing some data: Please sir should I use a pencil to draw a conclusion.
  13. Mar 2, 2007 #12


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    I think we're headed for GD...
  14. Mar 2, 2007 #13


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    Hee that's funny.

    Kind of like:

    Q: What do you get when you multiply 6 by 9?
    A: 42.
    (If you don't recognize this, you're way too young or you're an alien)

    It does work - in base 13!
    (What do you think Mr. Adams was trying to tell us?)
  15. Mar 2, 2007 #14
    here is a good one (i got it here: http://komplexify.com/math/jokes/TheEToTheXJoke.html): [Broken]

    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2017
  16. Mar 2, 2007 #15


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    One of the million versions of this joke. :rofl:
    Last edited by a moderator: May 2, 2017
  17. Mar 2, 2007 #16


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    A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting in a café and notice people going into and coming out of the house across the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while, they notice three persons coming out of the house.
    The physicist: "The measurement was not accurate."
    The biologist: "They have reproduced."
    The mathematician: "If one person enters the house, then it will be empty again."
  18. Mar 2, 2007 #17


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    A farmer is worried because his cows are not giving much milk. So he asks his friends if they have any ideas how to fix the problem.

    His biologist friend wants to run a lot of tests for diseases or poor nutrition - but the farmer thinks that would be too expensive and take too long.

    His sociologist friend thinks the problem is the cows are bored. He suggests getting a landscape consultant to redesign the fields, getting a gardening expert to recommend some pretty flowers, playing music in the cowsheds, etc, etc. The farmer doesn't like any of that either.

    So finally he goes to ask a mathematician.

    The mathematician says, "What is your definition of a cow?". So he takes him into the cowshed to have a look.

    The mathematician says, "OK, I need a flipchart and lots of paper". So he goes home, gets a chart and an easel, comes back, and sets it up in the cowshed.

    He then draws a big circle with a dot in the middle. He stares at this for half an hour, then says:

    "Theorem 1. Assume that a cow is a uniform sphere with mass m and radius r..."
  19. Mar 2, 2007 #18

    Gib Z

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  20. Mar 3, 2007 #19
    here is another one:
    Q: what's an anagram of "Banach-Tarski"
    A: Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski
  21. Mar 3, 2007 #20
    the following is a limerick:
    [tex]\int_{1}^{\sqrt[3]{3}}t^2 dt \cdot \cos\frac{3\pi}{9} = \ln\sqrt[3]{e}[/tex]

    it says:
    The integral of the square of 't',
    From one to the cube root of three,
    Multiplied by cosine,
    Of three pi over nine,
    Is the log of the cube root of 'e'.
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