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Whats purple and commutes?

An abelian grape.

(i have no idea what that one means)

Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi!

Teacher: What is 2k + k?

Student: 3000!

Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?

A: Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don't need the sun!

Q: Why do mathematicians, after a dinner at a Chinese restaurant, always insist on taking the leftovers home?

A: Because they know the Chinese remainder theorem!

Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"

Student: "It's 42!"

Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"

Same student: "It's 24!"

Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?

A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin...

Q: What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean?

A: Möbius Dick...

( i have no idea what this means)

Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.

There are 10 kinds of mathematicians. Those who can think binarily and those who can't...

Q: What is the difference between a Ph.D. in mathematics and a large pizza?

A: A large pizza can feed a family of four...

It is only two weeks into the term that, in a calculus class, a student raises his hand and asks: "Will we ever need this stuff in real life?"

The professor gently smiles at him and says: "Of course not - if your real life will consist of flipping hamburgers at MacDonald's!"

Q: What does the Ph.D. in math with a job say to the Ph.D. in math without a job?

A: `Paper or plastic?'

Q: What is the first derivative of a cow?

A: Prime Rib!

Q: Why do mathematicians often confuse Christmas and Halloween?

A: Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.

(dont get this one)