Men are from Mars . Women are from Venus.

  • #1
Ivan Seeking
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Is this guy a space cadet, or does book speakum truth? I have never actually read this. I bought it but I don't even know where it is. I have listened to him quite a bit, and my wife got a calendar with a rule for each day sort of thing. Much of what I have seen really explodes with truth for me. But I can also see where his arguments might be viewed as pedantic, trite, or at least over simplified.
 

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  • #2
Dave
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What this guy assumes is that men and women are completley different on just about everything, for example
All women are more sensitive than all men, when in fact, for most things, the differences within each sex are greater than the differences between so it's like two bell shaped curves but majorly overlapping.
This is such that reasonable percentages of one sex might have greater than the average of the other sex.
 
  • #3
Ivan Seeking
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I see your point.

How do you feel about statements like this one? Roughly: Men are problem solvers by nature. Often a woman will need to talk about her feeling, but the man keeps trying to solve her problem. She doesn't want her problems solved; instead she wants to express how she feels about it.

When I heard this I immediately felt the rush of recognition of a previously unseen truth. How do you feel about statements like this? I assume that you think here he generalizes way too much? If so, how do you back up your position? I am not really disputing what you are saying, but I can see points for both sides. In fact, when it comes to women, well, I think they come from another planet. After twenty years of marriage I am still confused! If I had written the book, I might have landed the same title.

Finally, at times when I have watched and listened to him, he has struck me as a new-age psycho-babblest.
 
  • #4
Dave
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In some things, men and women are different, so maybe for commuication, men do so for function, or status whereas women might commuincate for connection or imtimacy.

On another trait however, say aggressiveness, certain women are more aggresive than some men.
 
  • #5
Zantra
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I haven't read his books, but I have to agree that it seems like he's generalizing. The social interactions between men and women are way more complexed than he leads you to believe. When it comes to relationships, the only absolute is tha there are no absolutes. Sure you can say women are sensitive and just want to communicate thier feelings. Does that mean when she asks you to take out the trash you should hug her and encourage her to vent her frustrations about you taking out the trash? hell no, it means get up and take the trash out!
But this guy would have you believe the former.

Every women is different, and though you can make some base assumptions, I've found that there are so many exceptions to the rule, that the exceptions become the rule.
 
  • #6
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by Zantra
Does that mean when she asks you to take out the trash you should hug her and encourage her to vent her frustrations about you taking out the trash? hell no, it means get up and take the trash out!

Is that the problem? Darn...

Well really, the context to which I refer is perhaps a problem with her job...or her sister...or her sister...or her sister...what was I saying.... Oh yes. I really meant things that don't directly relate to our relationship.
 
  • #7
Dave
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Well as long as you have a good consistant form of commuication, you should be alright..

Ok there are many other factors, but that's important.
 
  • #8
jcsd
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Remember ALL women are evil harpies who thrive on the misery of us men. Though lacking real intellect, they are cunning, thus you should never turn your back on one, however this is difficult but I have found painting eye spots on the back of my sweater is sufficent to fool them
 
  • #9
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by jcsd
Remember ALL women are evil harpies who thrive on the misery of us men. Though lacking real intellect, they are cunning, thus you should never turn your back on one, however this is difficult but I have found painting eye spots on the back of my sweater is sufficent to fool them

I assume that this knowledge comes from a long, happy, meaningful relationship?
 
  • #10
Dave
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Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
I assume that this knowledge comes from a long, happy, meaningful relationship?

No, that's what psychologists called "virgin speak"
 
  • #11
megashawn
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LOL @ above.

I was double checking his post looking for a :smile:

Unfortunately, there were none. So to quote a line from Capt Insano from Waterboy "I guarantee you that guy is still a virgin"

Anyhow, I'd speculate that men and women all pretty much want the same thing, Respect.

If you do not respect a person, how could you love one? I'd say respect is probably the single most important aspect of any relationship. If you donot respect the person, then you will run them over. Cheating, lies, etc all stem from a lack of respect.

I don't know much about this guy, but I disagree with the title of the book. We're all pretty much the same, just different in little ways, customized to the individual.
 
  • #12
Ivan Seeking
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Well let's see if I can give some counterexamples.... First, I would argue that historically, and I mean for all of recorded history, the distinctions between men and women, the masculine and the feminine, the yin and the yang, Norman Rockwell’s right angles and smooth curves, have been recognized. This idea of sameness is a new concept for most cultures. What's more, many people have argued against even differences in physical abilities. This would seem to leave no reason whatsoever for the long history of patriarchal cultures, and male physical dominance in humans and apes.

Can anyone really dispute that by far, on the average, little boys are more aggressive, and more difficult to manage than little girls; and that boys are often quite found of tormenting girls but not the reverse? I know I sure was; and I did...every chance I got! Can anyone really equate a 15 year old boy to a girl of the same age? Young men and women are both driven by hormones, but there is a difference. If there wasn't, then my teen years would have been much less...um...lonely...restrained...right handed. Boy I would have sold my soul to find a girl with my sex drive!!!...when I was 16. Most young men that I knew were about the same more or less. One of the few guys that I knew that was not really really really desirous of girls turned out to be gay.

Now, after being married for 17 years and together with my wife for 20 years, I am convinced that I am only starting to realize just how fundamentally different we are. We have always had an intense relationship. We are both stubborn and opinionated. But many problems that we struggled with for years really came down to communication. We actually had one recurring fight [verbal only, things have never gotten out of hand] that, only after ten years of going round and round did I realized that we were each fighting about something different. The disagreement did not even exist!

I have also grown to believe that most communication problems that we have had originate in a fundamental mechanism of perception. I used to think that my wife was just being difficult, unreasonable, stubborn, single minded, or intentionally contrary. Now I understand that this perception stems from the huge void between her perception of the world and mine. I have also learned from other couples that most have endured the same difficulties. What is more, the men have mostly the same complaints about their wives, and the women agree equally about THOSE MEN. And don't deny it girls...I have heard it all! :wink:

I would add that most 16 year old young men would be shocked to hear the discussions that go on in girls locker rooms. My wife finally confessed.
 
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  • #13
Dave
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Men and women certainly are different.

However, the amount they differ is less than pop psychology would lead you to believe.

There are always examples of guys being more agressive then girls etc.
But how do you define agression? I think there isn't that much differnecese between the sexes on that trait.
 
  • #14
Kerrie
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i find it funny that no other females have commented on this topic...
 
  • #15
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by Kerrie
i find it funny that no other females have commented on this topic...

well.... Is that all you're going to say?
 
  • #16
Zantra
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The women on these forums must be intimidated:wink: There was a "what women want" topic in GF, and I started debating them, and they just shut up. Then again, maybe it's me

Men and women have the same base instincts, but we do percieve things differently. To quote my post on another forum, A study was recently done about how men and women remember directions. It was found that while men would memorize key landmarks and other place markers to remember thier way, women would memorize step by step instructions to get there (ie 2 blocks then left, 3 blocks then right...etc) So this just illustrates the differences in the way men and women percieve the world.

And ya, I would believe the locker room talk, actually
 
  • #17
jcsd
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I see many on these boards are victims of womanist propaganda, they try to get to me too through the radio in my head but I just ignore them.











PS. PERIODS ARE LY's!!!!!!!! It's just an excuse because every time there's a full-moon they revert back to their true nature which is a goblin-like demon known as a ghdaddB*&
 
  • #18
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by jcsd
I see many on these boards are victims of womanist propaganda, they try to get to me too through the radio in my head but I just ignore them.

PS. PERIODS ARE LY's!!!!!!!! It's just an excuse because every time there's a full-moon they revert back to their true nature which is a goblin-like demon known as a ghdaddB*&

Are you gay? Since you don't like women, do you plan to pursue male companionship only?
 
  • #19
Ivan Seeking
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My wife just emailed this to me:

A valid study:
A study in Kentucky showed that the kind of 'male face' that a woman
finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. And if she is menstruating, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors shoved in his temple and a bat jammed up his rear while he is on fire.

Is it any wonder I never sleep?
 
  • #20
jcsd
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Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
Are you gay? Since you don't like women, do you plan to pursue male companionship only?

I'n not gay, women are gay!!!
 
  • #21
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by jcsd
I'n not gay, women are gay!!!


Confusing, but I hope not all gay. My wife would be real surprised!
 
  • #23
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by Zantra
Well if you wanna know for sure, here's how to tell:

http://www2.b3ta.com/spidermanwillmakeyougay/

One of the unfortunate things about the internet is that once seen, I can never remove an image nor a sequence of images from my mind! I have to live with this now!!!

:wink:
 
  • #24
Zantra
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Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
One of the unfortunate things about the internet is that once seen, I can never remove an image nor a sequence of images from my mind! I have to live with this now!!!

:wink:

And here I was hesitating about posting it. Thanks for making it worthwhile
 
  • #25
Guybrush Threepwood
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Originally posted by Zantra
Well if you wanna know for sure, here's how to tell:

http://www2.b3ta.com/spidermanwillmakeyougay/

OHNO, it happened.... I have to tell my wife!!!!!

Originally posted by Ivan
I would add that most 16 year old young men would be shocked to hear the discussions that go on in girls locker rooms. My wife finally confessed.

do tell more, please . Start a new topic if you have too.

Now seriously: I read the book, and I think the guy has some good ideeas.
 
  • #26
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by Guybrush Threepwood
do tell more, please . Start a new topic if you have too.

Nothing that I was told could be posted on a public forum.
 
  • #27
Ivan Seeking
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From my mother...

WORDS WOMEN USE

FINE...
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING .
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine."

GO AHEAD ... (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing!" and will end with the word "Fine."

GO AHEAD ... (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH .
This is not actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing."

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a nonverbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY .
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."

GO AHEAD
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO .
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."

THANKS .
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you
"Nothing."

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!
 
  • #28
Zantra
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Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
Nothing that I was told could be posted on a public forum.

Well good god man, PM me if you have to. Enquiring minds wannna know!
Besides, I'm sure you could clean it up enough to get the point across

It wouldn't surprise me to hear that women talk just like the guys, and compare notes, etc. Women aren't that much different than men.
 
  • #29
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by Zantra
Well good god man, PM me if you have to. Enquiring minds wannna know!
Besides, I'm sure you could clean it up enough to get the point across

It wouldn't surprise me to hear that women talk just like the guys, and compare notes, etc. Women aren't that much different than men.

IMO, there are few things found as vulgar and crude as the discussions in a high school boy's locker room; except for it seems, those found in the girl's locker room.

Yes. It seems the girls are just as creative as the boys.
 
  • #30
Andy
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Origionally posted by Ivan Seeking
Is this guy a space cadet

to be blunt, yes.
 
  • #31
Vega
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John Gray's book seems far more closely related to a person's thinking/feeling preference on the Myers Briggs personality test. A feeling man will act exactly like he says a woman should act. A thinking woman will act exactly like he says a man should act.
 
  • #32
Zantra
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Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
IMO, there are few things found as vulgar and crude as the discussions in a high school boy's locker room; except for it seems, those found in the girl's locker room.

Yes. It seems the girls are just as creative as the boys.

Women always ask for the details-weather they are shared or not depends on your woman:wink:
 
  • #33
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by Zantra
Women always ask for the details-weather they are shared or not depends on your woman:wink:

Same thing with the boys really. Not everyone that I knew [or I] was like this, but there were plenty who had no limits. I assume that this would be true of the girls also.
 
  • #34
Zantra
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Originally posted by Ivan Seeking
Same thing with the boys really. Not everyone that I knew [or I] was like this, but there were plenty who had no limits. I assume that this would be true of the girls also.

Word from the horses mouth-I once dated a girl like that. Her friends starting coming up to me and actually complimenting me(no I'm not sharing this to brag). And they knew specific details about certain things that they shouldn't have. I promptly kicked her A@@ to the curb the next day. Good or not, I knew that if she'd share the good, the bad was soon to follow, if it hadn't already. Those are the kind of women that will tell every intimate detail about you to thier best friend, then turn around and lie to you about what they did that day.
 
  • #35
Ivan Seeking
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Originally posted by Zantra
Word from the horses mouth-I once dated a girl like that. Her friends starting coming up to me and actually complimenting me(no I'm not sharing this to brag). And they knew specific details about certain things that they shouldn't have. I promptly kicked her A@@ to the curb the next day. Good or not, I knew that if she'd share the good, the bad was soon to follow, if it hadn't already. Those are the kind of women that will tell every intimate detail about you to thier best friend, then turn around and lie to you about what they did that day.

Yes and my wife tells everyone at work all of the most embarassing details about me...and she is always soooo proud of herself.
 

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