Misunderstood expressions

A friend always thought "crap-shoot" was "crab-shoot". He reasoned that trying to shoot a bunch of crabs skittering about would be difficult because they are small and agile. I laughed pretty hard.

 

"Pool sharp," was misheard as "pool shark" so often that the latter is now accepted as correct, and the former as a mistake.

 

As a Brit, I sometimes have trouble with American names in phone calls etc. I spent months thinking Wayne Tygert was Wayne Tiger, and Randy Seager was Randy Seagull. (And as a Brit, it doesn't seem at all impossible that an American would be called Randy Seagull...)

The worst horror story was a Texan lady called Arlene, which didn't compute even when it was spelled out several times in a Texan accent. (The nearest UK equivalent would be Eileen).

 

One of my friends thought "lactose intolerant" was "lactose and tolerant".

 

One that I've always thought hilarious was reported by writer John Irving, one of whose characters is afraid to go swimming in the ocean because he was warned about what he understood to be the giant frog that lives there. The "under toad".

 

A mere misunderstanding of the misunderstood expressions expression.

 

"Begs the question" is one I would think would bother a lot of people here. The incorrect meaning is pretty much standard now though, so I don't really mind it.

Expressions that at least one person has misunderstood:
I used to think "for which it stands" in the Pledge of Allegiance was "for witches' stands", and would picture a bunch of witches running a lemonade stand. It's not as easy as it might seem to brainwash a kid to be patriotic, I guess.

Speaking of which, I seem to remember some baseball crowds employing a common misunderstanding of the first few lines of the Star-Spangled Banner after Jose Canseco had a fly ball bounce off his huge melon of a head from whatever horse steroids he was on for a homerun. No, Jose couldn't always see so well.

I thought the doctor said I have eggs in my stomach when he told my parents I had eczema. I believe I had seen or at least heard of the famous scene in Alien by that time too.

 

I heard a neighbor speaking about her son, who had started to misbehave doing something (don't remember the details). She said, "Well I nipped that in the butt!"

Probably pretty effective.

 

How about the classic "I could care less" I keep reading again and again.

 

:rofl:

 

What happens if an Under Toad encounters an escaped Pool Shark? Which one wins?

 

The Eunuch's colonel shall decide that.