More girl problems

  • #1
there's this girl that I've know for a while now, not well until recently, we just stated talking again several weeks ago and it turns out we have just about everything in common. at first I just thought I had a crush on her cause she's quite pretty, but I know now after talking alot that I really like her. The thing is I really don't think she likes me that way. We're great friends but I think that's all it is on her side. The other day I went over (20 minutes late because I know she wouldn't be ready) and she answers the door in nothing but a towel. I would think that if she had any sort of boyfriend interest in me she would have atleast had a bit more modesty. Now i'm not really sure she had any choice because she had to take care of her baby brother cause her dad was late getting home. But still, she felt absolutely no akwardness about it.
I didn't think I was going to have to deal with this ever because she had a serious boyfriend until last week (followed by calling me and crying) Now I don't know what to do. I don't know what good telling her would do if she only sees me as a friend, but I also don't want to do nothing because someone else will be going out with her in no time. (despite her saying she is done with relationships for now)
OMG, I don't know what to do. If I tell her things will probably get really akward, but if I wait and she gets a new boyfriend thing will get akward anyways (for me) and i'll probably stop calling her.

We are both 18, I am a complete newb to the dating/relationship/sex world while she is a seasoned pro. That just make this whole situation all the more intimidating.

ARGGG, just shoot me now! :confused:
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
Evo
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Oh no, her having just broken up with someone is not good, although why they broke up and how she felt about it could be good or bad depending on if he broke up with her or she with him, etc...

I'm working right now, but I'm sure you'll be getting lots of feedback. I feel for you.
 
  • #3
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If she is just getting out of a serious relationship, then you should stay away for a while, and try not to be the shoulder to lean on. In all honesty though, when she isnt so fragile, you have to tell her the truth. If you dont, you will forever be the crying shoulder. Also, dont worry about your experience, every guy has a little don juan in him, you just have to bring it out in you and take care of her. YOU ARE A LION, ROAAARRRRR. :tongue2:
 
  • #4
Well, she's getting out of what she thought was a serious relationship, (only two months, but we're 18/19 so that's a long time) but the guy wasn't apparently looking for one, so that's why they broke up. It wasn't mutual, he broke up with her, in an extremely assholish manner.
 
  • #5
DaveC426913
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If she answered the door in nothing but a towel, then she is either:

- stupid
- a tease
- interested in you

Ideally, you can rule out #1.

If #2, that actually means she is at least somewhat interested - and wondering what you'll do.

Whether #2 or #3, it is your obligation to find out.

BTW, some people don't know what they want, or don't like to be forward about it. She may not express interest unless you show interest in her.

Again, your obligation to find out.


As far as what you do - don't tell her, show her. Ask her out to a movie. Telling her how you feel means you want her approval to show romantic interest. Taking action means you know what you want. Girls dig confidence.
 
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  • #6
ah, but you're forgetting #4, she only thinks of me as one of her girlfriends, and is therefore completely comfortable wearing a towel around me.

and since we're already friends, how do I show her I like her. Ideally, if I did that, she would be into it, but more than likely she would just be like, WTF are you doing...leading back to the akwardness.

We've already gone out and done things, we watch movies together at our houses, went to dinner, went to the park (although not alone) and once we just hung out for hours at her place talking.

she calls me a couple times a week, the last few times have been to vent about her ex.
I don't really call her much, cause I don't know how to act, cause I don't know what to do! :tongue2:
Ok, so basically I need to find a way to tell her without actually telling her. Piece of cake :eek:

She also says stuff like "omg I love you" every once in a while if I say something nice or funny. Now, would she be saying that to someone who she had any romantic interest in?... I doubt it.
 
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  • #7
ah wonderful, despite her "wanting to be single for a while" I just found out that she has a crush on this new guy. and he happens to be a firefighter in training :bugeye: which means he's bigger and better than me...ter-censored-rific.
 
  • #8
Evo
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Physics is Phun said:
ah wonderful, despite her "wanting to be single for a while" I just found out that she has a crush on this new guy. and he happens to be a firefighter in training :bugeye: which means he's bigger and better than me...ter-censored-rific.
I go for the smarter, nicer guy. Hey, hang in there, things change, but don't wait around for her. Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders.
 
  • #9
ya! thanks evo! firefighter in training? pff, I'm an engineer in training! take that!
 
  • #11
GCT
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As far as what you do - don't tell her, show her. Ask her out to a movie. Telling her how you feel means you want her approval to show romantic interest. Taking action means you know what you want. Girls dig confidence.
Dave has a good point. Although, the question is on whether you value the friendship more, being attracted to a friend is always awkward, I think I've read somewhere that men and women can't be friends without such awkward moments at some point where one of them are attacted to the other, or mutually; that is men and women can't be close friends in the long run (not my opinion, just referring to an article I've read, I think, in Reader's Digest) either they'll lose the friendship simply out of a lack of interest or things can get somewhat awkward as you've mentioned. You can either make your feelings known, which might ruin the friendship, but it may be far better than letting it perish slowly (as you've mentioned, by her attraction to the "bigger and better" man).

In contrast, you've got to also consider her point of view, she may not be interested in a long term relationship at the moment, especially after her breakup, she may be simply searching for something more instant . Anyways, I wouldn't ask her at the moment, build the relationship further and in the meanwhile find ways so that she has you on her mind, that is catch her attention, try to delve into what you think that she is needing at the time; a bit of fun and humor, seriousness, women go through these mood swings, you'll just have to be smart and find ways to be there at the right time and fulfill them inexplicitly. This way, she won't forget about you, and when the time arrives when she's seeking a long term relationship, you'll be in her mind. That is, as long as you maintain the friendship, you'll eventually have the chance.

Of course, none of this applies if you're not that serious about her. I'm sure you have enough fluid intelligence to do the right thing, to know what you want, and to achieve and maintain your desire. I'm slipping into a delusion here, so I'm gonna stop...:uhh:

just call me the love doctor:rofl:
 
  • #12
DaveC426913
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Physics is Phun said:
ah, but you're forgetting #4, she only thinks of me as one of her girlfriends, and is therefore completely comfortable wearing a towel around me.
No. I'm not. That's #2 disguised as a fourth option.

That is, unless she sincerely thinks you are attracted to men. This is the only conceivable case where there is a #4. And since we know you do fancy her, she is mistaken in her belief, and you need to correct her.
 
  • #13
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I'm becoming convinced that when things are murky and unclear between two people there's no hope.
 
  • #14
Evo
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If you are in a "friendly" relationship with a girl, and you want to be more than friends, if you ask her out MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS IT IS A DATE. Otherwise, she'll just think you are going out as friends.

I was in this situation once with a guy I only thought of as a friend. He asked me to go out to eat. I thought it was just as friends, he thought it was a date. To keep a long story short, I had to cancel at the last minute, he didn't get my message, he was devastated and commited suicide two days later, which his family and friends said was because of me. Seemed I was the only one that didn't know he thought he was in love with me. :frown:
 
  • #15
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Maybe we should get a bet going. IMO Odds of it happening are 1 out of 6.
$2 says it's not going to happen. :smile:
Evo brings up a good point. Suicide of the person in question is equivalent to it "not happening", no party will be allowed to recall the bet after it has been placed.
 
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  • #16
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Evo said:
If you are in a "friendly" relationship with a girl, and you want to be more than friends, if you ask her out MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS IT IS A DATE. Otherwise, she'll just think you are going out as friends.

I was in this situation once with a guy I only thought of as a friend. He asked me to go out to eat. I thought it was just as friends, he thought it was a date. To keep a long story short, I had to cancel at the last minute, he didn't get my message, he was devastated and commited suicide two days later, which his family and friends said was because of me. Seemed I was the only one that didn't know he thought he was in love with me. :frown:
This is tragic, but just to clarify: even if you had known and stood him up at the last minute it doesn't somehow explain him killing himself. This guy was obviously a severely depressed person to begin with and nearly any disapointment could have set him off.
 
  • #17
Evo
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zoobyshoe said:
This is tragic, but just to clarify: even if you had known and stood him up at the last minute it doesn't somehow explain him killing himself. This guy was obviously a severely depressed person to begin with and nearly any disapointment could have set him off.
Yes, of course his family, in their grief, didn't see it that way.
 
  • #18
BobG
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GCT said:
Dave has a good point. Although, the question is on whether you value the friendship more, being attracted to a friend is always awkward, I think I've read somewhere that men and women can't be friends without such awkward moments at some point where one of them are attacted to the other, or mutually; that is men and women can't be close friends in the long run (not my opinion, just referring to an article I've read, I think, in Reader's Digest) either they'll lose the friendship simply out of a lack of interest or things can get somewhat awkward as you've mentioned. You can either make your feelings known, which might ruin the friendship, but it may be far better than letting it perish slowly (as you've mentioned, by her attraction to the "bigger and better" man).
I saw the same thing, except I think it was in "Sally met Harry" instead of Reader's Digest. :rofl:

Hmmm. It is always awkward being attracted to a friend since making a dork of yourself in front of a friend is always more embarrassing long term than humiliating yourself in front of someone you never have to talk to again if things go badly.

The flip side is that it probably would be good to be friends with someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with. You can date people randomly, hope a romantic spark develops, and hope the romantic spark eventually develops into a friendship, as well - or you can date people that you're already half way there with and hope a romantic spark develops, as well.
 
  • #19
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BobG said:
The flip side is that it probably would be good to be friends with someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with. You can date people randomly, hope a romantic spark develops, and hope the romantic spark eventually develops into a friendship, as well - or you can date people that you're already half way there with and hope a romantic spark develops, as well.
I can't imagine a long term relationship or marriage with someone I'm not primarily friends with. The romantic spark comes and goes and is never constant. A deep kind of friendship seems to me the only sort of thing that could keep two people glued together for any amount of time.
 
  • #20
lol, thanks for the hopeful thinking :rolleyes:
Well, the old boyfriend and I had a nice little swearing match with eachother, that probably wasn't such a good idea. But that's over and done with. thank god he lives a thousand miles away.

Ok, so i'm gonna have to tell her eventually, cause I wanna either be with her, or just a casual friend, not a close friend, I can't handle that for a long period of time. I don't think anyways. But I think I should wait a bit, especially since it would make the ex right about me wanting to steal his Gf if I said anything too soon. Ok, so i'm just gonna have to do some things with her alone. But I don't know how to act, cause I don't wanna hit on her, but I don't wanna be too open and super caring either.

UHG, this is so hard to figure out.
 
  • #21
Astronuc
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Physics is Phun said:
ah wonderful, despite her "wanting to be single for a while" I just found out that she has a crush on this new guy. and he happens to be a firefighter in training :bugeye: which means he's bigger and better than me...
Based on that and the fact that she just got out of a relationship, I would recommend taking a step back.

It seems you are infatuated, but based on her behavior, it doesn't sound promising.

Is this girl intelligent? Can you talk with her about intellectual subjects as well as fun stuff? What are her aspirations? Is she planning on graduate school?
 
  • #22
JasonRox
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Physics is Phun said:
UHG, this is so hard to figure out.

There is nothing to figure out. Tell her you like her, and that's that.

She might like you, but you might not be showing any interests... since you are not hitting on her. If she thinks you aren't interested, she isn't going to wait around for you. She will just find someone who is interested.
 
  • #23
well, at first I just though it was just how she looked, but she's so nice and sweet and we have lots to talk about all the time.

Can I be seriously interested and infatuated with someone at the same time?
and yes, she is going to school in the fall acutally, and moving far away. I guess this is also something I should consider.
 
  • #24
JasonRox
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Physics is Phun said:
well, at first I just though it was just how she looked, but she's so nice and sweet and we have lots to talk about all the time.

Can I be seriously interested and infatuated with someone at the same time?
and yes, she is going to school in the fall acutally, and moving far away. I guess this is also something I should consider.

Nothing wrong about having some summer romance. :biggrin:
 
  • #25
G01
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Yeah, you'll probably be better off if she was just a friend considering shes moving and you seem like you may be looking for something longer than a couple months.
 
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