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My fate to be decided by a cat :-(

  1. Jan 25, 2007 #1

    Evo

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    In my ongoing struggle to win the heart of twisting_edge, he announced yesterday that whether I can move into the 17 inch wide floor space between his bed and the wall or eventually get married will be decided by his cat. :frown: He woke her up and asked for her approval, but she wouldn't respond one way or another. I take this as a good sign, at least I still have a chance, she could have said "no". :uhh:

    I believe that his last series of grunts over the phone means that I am allowed to unofficially refer to him as my boyfriend. :smile:

    I admit I haven't dated much in the last 9 years but I don't remember it being quite this difficult. I guess things have changed. Not to mention I must be losing my touch. :cry:

    Admittedly, the number of men near my age that aren't suffering from alzheimer's and can move about un-aided are dwindling. The fact that t_e can operate simple machinery, knows his way around a kitchen, is very useful at reminding me my dinner is burning, and is computer literate are all bonuses.

    I'm considering bribing the cat. If I get the cat to nod "yes" while it is under the influence of catnip, will the cat's decision hold up in court?

    Yes, this relationship is making me a bit crazy. :redface: But he's worth it.

    Any advice?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 25, 2007 #2

    verty

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    Will the cat also be your marriage pouncellor? (had to say it)
     
  4. Jan 25, 2007 #3

    BobG

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    Cats love people that are bad at using can openers. There is a minimum level of acceptable competence, though. You have to be good enough that you can open the can at least part way, but not so good that you can open an entire can without dropping it.

    I think this is why our cats always loved my kids more than me.

    Maybe I'll eventually get arthritus and become popular again.
     
  5. Jan 25, 2007 #4

    Evo

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    :rofl: He says to get to him, I've got to get past the cat and the cat is vicious. :frown: But since he's always telling the cat that she's fat and withholding food from her, I think I know how to become her best friend. :tongue:

    BobG, great advice, surely I can't be blamed if I can't hold onto an opened can of tuna. :tongue2:
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2007
  6. Jan 25, 2007 #5

    turbo

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    Here's an idea. Before you visit, dab a little tuna juice on your wrists. T_E will never pick up on it, but fat kitty will shower you with attention.
     
  7. Jan 25, 2007 #6

    Moonbear

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    :rofl: And if he does notice the fishy scent, just tell him its from spending too much time in the GD warehouse where we keep all the welcome fish. :biggrin:
     
  8. Jan 25, 2007 #7

    brewnog

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    Bleurgh! Eurghh! Yuck!

    Evo, in case you were considering this tactic, I wretch at the tiniest hint of a tuna redolence. I imagine any self-respecting gentleman would do the same.
     
  9. Jan 25, 2007 #8

    Evo

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    Uh-oh. :redface: How long will it take to get this tuna smell off me? :cry:
     
  10. Jan 25, 2007 #9

    brewnog

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    Between 3 and 6 months.

    Rub some onions into it. And then disinfect with chlorine bleach. Scrub with thinners, and if you have any ammonia, that'll work as a deodorant.
     
  11. Jan 25, 2007 #10

    Evo

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    :bugeye: :yuck:
     
  12. Jan 25, 2007 #11

    Math Is Hard

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    I think if you take a bath in tomato juice that should do it...

    no, wait - that's for skunk attacks.
     
  13. Jan 25, 2007 #12
    Just remember, we are talking about a cat variously described (by people other than me, I might point out) as "the vampire cat from hell", "the worser half of a James Bond villain", "the demon cat", and "Clockwork Orange kitty" (she's happens to be black). Those are merely the ones that did not rely on foul language to make their point. Most of the remainder hinged around the word "psycho", which admittedly falls far short of the mark in the absence of a few strong expletives.

    My own villifications of the nightmare beast are perhaps more accurate, but indubitably more biased. This is the natural consequence of her having
    1. broken my ankle (1998), and
    2. bitten right through my nostril and otherwise half torn my nose off (2004),
    among too many other indignities to even attempt to list. But those two are, perhaps surprisingly, the only ones that have required outside medical assistance to date.

    On the bright side, she has lost the habit of getting a good running headstart and leaping onto my back while I am at the computer, where she would hang suspended by all twenty claws. I suspect this is solely because I have been sure to sit in a chair with a back on it whenever I am in front of the keyboard for the past nine years or so. Her behavior has not otherwise markedly improved.

    My famous last words upon leaving Iowa (after nine years) in 2002, "She [the cat] is coming with me, of course: there's no way in hell I'm going to let her win now."
     
  14. Jan 25, 2007 #13

    Evo

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    :frown:

    <note to self - get animal tranquilizers from the vet>

    I had forgotten about the nose. It's healed quite well. :smile:
     
  15. Jan 25, 2007 #14

    turbo

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    At least he didn't fill the hole with a diamond stud. One good sign... :uhh:
     
  16. Jan 25, 2007 #15

    turbo

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    Skunk attacks?!! That's not why you combine tomato and tuna. While you're heating up your tomato soup, you make a tuna-salad sandwich with cheese on seeded rye bread and lightly grill it in butter in a very hot frying pan. Mmmmm! :tongue2:
     
  17. Jan 25, 2007 #16

    Evo

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    :rofl: That's true!!! But that's because he's a keeper. :smile:

    AHA!!!! I have found protection!!

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2007
  18. Jan 25, 2007 #17

    turbo

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    I feel so bad for you and your predicament that I have just forced myself to eat two squares of Ghirardelli Twilight Delight dark chocolate (72% Cacao). I hope you appreciate my concern and my sacrifice.
     
  19. Jan 25, 2007 #18

    Evo

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    Wow, a sign of a true friend. Except I can't ask you to make such a sacrfice, please send all remianing dark chocolate to me, I can't allow you to do this to yourself. :biggrin:
     
  20. Jan 25, 2007 #19

    turbo

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    I wish I had a time machine. I would get you protection. My grandparents had a huge long-haired orange tiger cat that would play-fight with my grandfather every night. G-dad was over 6'5" with hands the size of dinner plates. He roughed up the cat, and got his hands and forearms shredded for his troubles, but the cat would curl up with him every nap-time after lunch and wait for him at the back door every day when he left his shop and came in from supper. They loved each other! The cat would strut up and down their street beating the crap out of any dog willing to take him on. Dogs were typically not leashed at the time, but the neighbors were so put-out with their dogs coming home bleeding from their noses and ears, with their backs clawed to hell (Fluffy loved riding dogs!) that my grandparents put a collar on him and tied him out instead of letting him run free, to keep peace with the neighbors. Woe to the unwary dog that got inside the range of his run of clothesline rope. His dog-rodeo days were pretty much over, because when the yelping, panicked dog got to the end of the rope, Fluffy lost his ride, though not without a needle-sharp farewell... :rofl: Hard to get the full 8 seconds that way! He was great with us kids. I'd pick him up, and he'd go limp and let me lug him around like a rag-doll. I learned to put him down pretty quick if he spied a dog, though - he wasn't that patient when he had a victim in sight. Fluffy didn't bother killing birds, mice, etc too much. He had bigger fish to fry.
     
  21. Jan 25, 2007 #20

    Evo

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    That is ONE TOUGH CAT!!!!!!
     
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