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My friend died recently

  1. Jul 15, 2004 #1
    My friend died recently. Its been a very traumatic experience. The whole community was shaken. At least 10 peers watched him die, i think it was even more. it was a car accident very tragic. But its interesting to see people react.

    i myself was a wreck. He was a good friend of mine, but i was less a friend to him. We were really good friends last year, but then things died down a little. we never stopped talking though. I missed him a lot, but i cried more for myself than him. Unfortunately, we had a weird relationship that most people weren't aware of. And it made it hard for me to relate to anyone or them to me. I was sorry for myself because of this. I felt invalidated and misunderstood. Utterly alone. It took me a few days to accept that he was gone, and to appreciate the life that he did have. It took me at least two months to stop greiving for myself. And i'm only hoping that i've stopped.

    its been interesting to witness my own transgression through the stages of mourning, and to notice which stages i tend to dwell on. Unfortunately, i've been a bit too consumed with my own response to really notice any one elses. But the process is interesting nonetheless.

    i'm just looking for other people's insight. What to you think of death or mourning or even life?
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Jul 15, 2004 #2
    Well, first I offer my condolences, Gale. I'm sorry about your friend.

    I found something particularly interesting in your post. You mentioned your "transgressions" throughout the mourning period. To what transgressions were you referring?

    I also wanted to point out that it is not unnatural or wrong to feel sorry for yourself when a friend dies. After all (and I mean this in the best sense), your friend's not going to be able to appreciate any sorrow you direct at him. He's not conscious anymore. So, instead, we naturally feel sorrow for those now bereaved of his company and friendship, and that includes you.

    As to death, I take comfort in the words of King Solomon: "For the living are conscious that they will die, but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all, neither do they any more have wages..." (Ecclesiastes 9:5). So, while you suffer along with those close to him, he can no longer experience pain or suffering.
     
  4. Jul 16, 2004 #3
     
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