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My friends suck or I am too whiny?

  1. Feb 17, 2008 #1
    Ok, so I am an university student, just turned 20. I am not very social and don't live on campus so I am kinda of lonely at times. I get depressions alot too.

    I got a couple of friends, I treat them super nice, like a gentleman. I help them with homeworks, lab reports etc.. In fact, I basically do all their physics and math homework, let them copy my physics and chemistry lab reports etc..

    Hey, I even go out of my way to help them. Like one friend of my has a research project. She is too lazy to find journal articles so I spent like 4 hrs online looking articles for her. I got her like 20 articles.

    Basically, any academic homework/assignments they have, they come to me and I do those for them. You got that calc assignment due in 2 days, no problem, give questions to me and I will give you the full solutions the next day.

    I even do other things like.. buying my friend some muffins or fruits or something if she didn't have breakfast or something.

    Thing is. Most of the time I barely get a thanks for my efforts. They never include me when they have fun. Ok, sometimes maybe I don't want to have fun. I don't want to get drunk and wasted like them. I perfer stay by myself in the library or something. No big deal.

    But the thing that pissed me off is. It seems this friend relationship only goes one way. I just turned twenty. Out of the three friends I had, only one of them gave me something for my birthday. I rather she had not given me that because it was basically crap. It was like a slice of cake the size of a palm. It looked like left over from someone else's birthday party and had a plastic fork stuck in it. It was very gross and not edidable from the looks.

    That's one example. Other times when I see them say on the street, they won't even say hi. Is like they forget about you when there is no assignments due and suddenly remember you when they is.

    Now I realized that this is probably a very biased account. I am basing it on only I think happened and of course not know the whole story.

    I can't ditch my friends and get new ones cause 1 ) it is very hard for me to make new friends, 2) without any friends, I would be so lonely and depressed and probably won't live very long.

    I guess sometimes I am helping them just cause I don't feel so isolated and lonely.

    So what do you guys think? Me too whiny or my friends are not great? I mean if I have to, I can act like a man and suck it up but I just want whine abit heh. Thanks.
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 17, 2008 #2
    You're a sucker. Sorry. Theres no better word to describe it than 'sucker'.

    I hate to break it to you, but they are not your friends. You should go out and make some friends, becuase right now you dont have any. You just have people using you.

    You should also talk to a doctor.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2008
  4. Feb 17, 2008 #3
    I think both.

    Get new friends and then don't let them suckle off of your teet.
     
  5. Feb 17, 2008 #4

    Moonbear

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    I agree, they're no friends, just using you. Don't waste your time on them if it's all one-way. It's better to have only one or two good friends than a bunch of leeches hanging on. That's only going to make you feel worse when they diss you like they did for your birthday.
     
  6. Feb 17, 2008 #5
    Neither your friends suck nor are you too whiny. What you are is too much of a doormat.

    Start being more assertive. If your friends tell you to do their homework for them, tell them to f*** off, because you have your own stuff to do. Looks like you are being used.

    I know how hard it can be to live off campus. I have an hour-long commute, whereas most of my friends live on or around campus. They want to get together, I can't because the bus doesn't go back that late and I don't want to take alternate ones because that takes forever and a day.

    Anyway, the solution is to ditch those "friends" and find some new friends. Yeah yeah, easier said than done. I know how it is, trust me. I'm on anti-depressants myself and I have had anxiety most of my life, etc. I know it's not easy to just go up to some random person and say "Hi.". It makes me feel like an idiot. So, to fix that you go find something you like to do and do it with others.

    In my case, it was Brazilian JiuJitsu. I signed up for a class, and made friends there. I took up guitar and if I had the time I'd find some people to play with (oh, and if I didn't suck, either).

    Finding friends for the sake of having friends is hard. So find a group activity you like doing and go for it.
     
  7. Feb 17, 2008 #6
    Or get laid.

    That always helps me with my depression
     
  8. Feb 17, 2008 #7

    ranger

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    Why on earth are you referring to those users as friends? Just pop them all in their faces and call it quits. And stop telling yourself that you can't make new friends; its just annoying to hear people say that.
     
  9. Feb 17, 2008 #8
    Huh, this is worse than I thought. So If they are real friends, how should they act?

    I can't get laid. I am too ugly/too much a nerd to get laid.

    I seriously can't make new friends. The one thing I spent my time on is homework and stuff. That's why i have those friends in the first place. I don't do anything else and suck at pretty much everything else. (I want join military but I want do that only so that I feel more attractive to girls and relieve my stress by poping a few rounds into someone.. both are very bad reasons)

    I don't get how people can make friends if they are not good at anything. (i.e. random guy that doesn't do much except get drunk alot.. have alot of friends) It seems the only reason i have friends is because I am good at something and people feel they can benefit from it.

    Ah this sucks. What if I just suck it up? Maybe I will meet some true friends in my lifetime? If not, then least when I die I will look good in God's eye?
     
  10. Feb 17, 2008 #9
    Is this a joke?
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2008
  11. Feb 17, 2008 #10

    Moonbear

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    No, those aren't friends, those are people who are using you for their own benefit. You don't have to be good at anything in particular to make friends other than going up and talking to them. Heh, sometimes it's what we're BAD at that friends have in common (I have a very good friend who is as bad at playing pool as I am...we enjoy playing together because we both suck so badly we're the only ones who can stand playing each other...anyone else gets kind of bored or starts to feel bad because they beat us every game).

    There used to be a saying, "A friend is someone who knows all about you, and loves you just the same." In other words, they know your flaws, and are your friend in spite of those (or maybe because of those).

    If all you do is study, go out and find some new hobbies. There's more to life than JUST studying, and everyone needs a break from it (no wonder you're depressed if you only study all the time...really). Find something you enjoy doing just to take a break from the books...you don't have to be any good at it, just enjoy it...and that's where you'll find some friends; they sneak up on you when you're not even looking.
     
  12. Feb 17, 2008 #11

    Evo

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    Cut these people off and don't feel bad about doing it. You sound like a very nice person. Don't worry so much about being alone, give yourself some time. You sound smart. Why don't you spend some time here helping in the homework forum, you might make new friends here. :smile:

    Also, if you are feeling really depressed, talk to a doctor or counselor.
     
  13. Feb 17, 2008 #12

    G01

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    They are definitely not your friends. You need to be more assertive and forget about those people, since they are just using you.

    Stop telling yourself you can't make new friends. You can. NO! Stop thinking you can't! You can!

    Are you a member of any clubs? Academic or not? A good way to meet people with similar interests is to join a club based around something your interested in. You could also become part of a community service organization, like Habitat for Humanity. Many schools have programs where you can do an alternative spring break working for a group like this. Your bound to meet a lot of nice and friendly people in a club or group like these.

    I also suggest that you see a counselor or doctor if you are feeling very depressed. Do not think of this as a sign of defeat, because it isn't. All it means is that you are ready to change your life for the better.

    Also, remember that you are welcome here at PF!:smile:
     
  14. Feb 17, 2008 #13
    I spent alot of time on the dicussion boards in my university to help others with homeworks. That's something else I do to waste time.

    Hmm I should find some "real" friends first before I ditch them? That way the transition won't be so diffcult. I will let you guys know when I do find some "real" friends.
     
  15. Feb 17, 2008 #14

    G01

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    That is not a waste of time. You are helping other people. To them, it is definitely not a waste of time.
     
  16. Feb 17, 2008 #15

    Evo

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    My youngest daughter found her best friend on line a few years ago. It turned out that they only lived a few miles from each other. She's at her friend's house right now. Her friend is having spinal surgery tomorrow that is very likley to leave her paralyzed, she has had a couple of operations already and this one is not looking good. She's 19 years old. So, stop feeling sorry for yourself.
     
  17. Feb 17, 2008 #16
    I think you need some medication. Talk to a doctor.

    This is way past normal, and I dont want to hear about you on the news shooting up people, got it?
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2008
  18. Feb 17, 2008 #17

    lisab

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    You're in a rough patch right now. Hang in there. Keep checking in here for lively, humorous discussions - and join in, it's a good group!

    If you enjoy helping people on your university discussion board, look into volunteering at a tutoring center at your school. Helping people is noble and satisfying - doing it face to face is even better.
     
  19. Feb 17, 2008 #18
    We all do sympathize, many aspects of life especially the social ones are both difficult and painful. But as they say, save the drama fo' yo' mama. If you are suicidal seek help immediately - it's perfectly all right to put school and life on hold for a while to deal with something like that.

    If you aren't, once more to the breach and don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes. And feel free to come and talk to us anytime.

    “Faith without action is dead.” James 2:14

    [EDIT] Of course, after Cyrus's comment this sounds bad now. I'm not suggesting you should go instigate a school shooting, of course. You should take a running head-dive into life and grab it by the horns and wrestle it to the ground.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2008
  20. Feb 17, 2008 #19
    Well you see, I did try to help people face to face and for a time I did enjoy it. Then they ditched me because I was busy helping other people and didn't talk to them for like 3-4 weeks. Now they won't even talk to me.. So that kinda of blow it.

    What does it mean feeling sorry for myself? I don't get it? Should I just suck it up? That way I am not feeling sorry for myself? I keep hearing people say this but I don't really understand what it means.

    Haha don't worry. I am not crazy enough to shoot people up in school or something. If I really want do that, I join the military and go on the front lines.

    I really never had a best friend whatever in life. Never that close with people.
     
  21. Feb 17, 2008 #20

    Moonbear

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    Oh, wow, that's rough at such a young age! I'll keep my fingers crossed for her.


    johndude, listen to what everyone is suggesting...you've got LOTS of good advice from them. If you like tutoring online, get out and do it in person. We're not talking about doing homework for people who don't appreciate it, but doing actual tutoring. Maybe you can even find a tutoring center where you get paid for it. You might make friends among the other tutors.

    And, yes, if you like helping people, a community service organization might be fun to join.

    Or, take a non-academic class/workshop...something you might enjoy doing but don't do well and want to improve at...art, scuba diving, ballroom dancing, first aid certification, etc. Whatever strikes your fancy. As you just talk to people while doing stuff, you'll find some along the way with other things in common or who you just enjoy being around, and voila, you'll have a friend.
     
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