My Teacher Said: "You Can't Love Humanity and Love Children

[0TheSwerve0]

You can't love humanity and love children. For children are an apish mockery of humanity. - Soph Math Teacher

Haha, and just for good measure a funny thing this guy in my Freshman math class said.
Scene: rectangular table seating 15 of us, teacher at the head of the table.
teacher: Mr. Perring, would you care to demonstrate Proposition 45?
Mr. Perring: (obviously is incapable of doing so) *smiles sheepishly* It's all Greek to me:rofl:
(we learn Greek at that school so it was especially appropriate and funny to us dorks)

Anything memorable your teacher said? Or are you a teacher that tells your students these treasures of wisdom?
Now, I know most of you are too old to remember that far back, but give it a try :tongue2:

 

[Andy]

"Children are a pain in the ass!"

Me-December 2004

 

[franznietzsche]

A little background:

We wre playing in wind orchestra, and the song called for the french horns to use what is called a "stop mute."


Conductor: Ok Play it without the mute.
Horn player plays
Conductor: That was without the mute? OK, now stop it.

Conductor stands and waits for the horn player to play with the mute in, looking down at the music, and looks up, obviously momentarily confused by the silence. Everyone else just busted up laughing.

 

[check]

This is a reference letter for a scholarship my physics teacher wrote me.

Dear […] Scholarship Committee,

[check] was a student in both the grade 11 and 12 physics course taught by myself at […] Secondary School. Though he rarely did his homework, he did manage to get a credit (barely) in both courses. As I recall, his attendance was somewhat disappointing considering he was taking University level courses. I wouldn’t really trust him with most of the more expensive physics equipment due to his lack of coordination.
I suspect he took a year off after grade 12 simply due to his lazy nature. Also note that his address […] is in a very rich neighbourhood in London and his family is known for their wealth throughout Southwestern Ontario. It is highly doubtful that he needs funds from your organization to help finance his post-secondary education. It is very likely he will drop out anyway since his work habits, as well as intellectual capacity, are somewhat below average in my opinion.



[My grade 11/12 physics teacher]

P.S. I have forwarded a copy of this reference letter directly to you via regular mail as well as e-mail given the less than glowing nature of the report I have just supplied for this scholarship candidate.

After showing me this one, he then gave me a ‘good’ one. I like this one better though. :tongue2:

 

[franznietzsche]

And i thought some of my teachers didn'tlike me


I feel so loved by comparison.

 

[Evo]

This is a reference letter for a scholarship my physics teacher wrote me.

:rofl: It would be funny if he accidently sent the wrong letter.

 

[check]

And i thought some of my teachers didn'tlike me


I feel so loved by comparison.

Oh I had a good laugh after reading this, as did he. I've had this letter hanging on my fridge for the last 5 months for all to read. lol

 

[check]

:rofl: It would be funny if he accidently sent the wrong letter.

Well I didn't get the scholarship anyway, so maybe it would have helped. They might have felt sorry for me. LoL

 

[iansmith]

Some people actually made a list of quote from one of my prof at my old-department. It is quite amusing, at least for the biology type of people.

Him talking about PCR and making an analogy

It is like that ad with the blondes and the shampoo or dye. One girl call her friend, then she call 2 friends, then 4 friends and then you end up with several blondes on the phone.

From an pollution class that has several vegan and vegetarian

This product help the performance of the ladder product. It's like steak and beer. Steak is good but beer make it better. At this points he seen the vegan and vegetarian looking at him agreely. So he adds or soy crap.

I will have to find the list.

 

[BobG]

I had a Spanish teacher who used to insult us poor laggards in Spanish. It's pretty humiliating to be insulted with a new phrase I would have learned had I done my homework and have half the class laughing at his clever insult while I sat there bewildered.

And he always seemed to know exactly which one of us it was that hadn't done their homework. Of course, I think it was probably a pretty good bet that one of the four in the same back corner of the class would be the victim of the day. Luckily, at least one of us had probably done the homework so there was usually at least one person who would explain the insult after class. (Us poor laggards have to stick together, you know).

 

[loseyourname]

I went to a Catholic high school, and in my freshman health class, they taught us that condoms only prevent pregnancy 30% of the time and never prevent STD's. May not be very funny, but either way.

 

[check]

I went to a Catholic high school, and in my freshman health class, they taught us that condoms only prevent pregnancy 30% of the time and never prevent STD's. May not be very funny, but either way.

Sigh, I know what you mean.
My Gr. 9 religion teacher tried teaching us that 'condoms are made of holes'
I asked how could something be made of holes? He wasn't too impressed.

 

[loseyourname]

Most of the class consisted of us being shown disgusting photos of people's genitals horribly disfigured by STD infections. That and of course the requisite videos of fetuses being shredded by abortion machines.

 

[0TheSwerve0]

shredded fetuses aren't funny and do not belong in this thread :grumpy:

 

[brewnog]

My teacher once told a university I'd applied to that I was "work efficient". They never worked out that he meant "bone idle".

He also told me that "with bull**** like that, you'll go a long way in life", I've always been proud of that one.

 

[franznietzsche]

My teacher once told a university I'd applied to that I was "work efficient". They never worked out that he meant "bone idle".

He also told me that "with bull**** like that, you'll go a long way in life", I've always been proud of that one.

I would be too.


http://meeq.net/nicework/Midee_NiceWork.jpg

 

[0TheSwerve0]

Archaeology is the study of garbage.
-archaeology teacher

 

[check]

From my economics prof's blog:

This is for the boys: I'm hetero.
This is for the girls: If you’re flunking my class, don’t make sly little suggestions about what you might do to earn a passing grade. You’re flunking my class. Why would I think your performance would be better in any other areas? Besides, I'm too old to care.
When you ask a stupid question in class I will try not to laugh at your question. However, I do reserve the right to tell my friends later and to laugh then. Sorry, but sometimes I just have to. Your name and any identifying information will not be used.

 

[The_Professional]

Fish are caught by the mouth. People, by their word
-english prof

 

[KingNothing]

"So whenever you feel like you're something special, just remember you kids, you're just another pimple on the world's butt." -Mr. Gaworecki, the always negative history teacher.

 

[tribdog]

:rofl: It would be funny if he accidently sent the wrong letter.

Didn't that exact thing happen in "Lucy and Ethel get Matriculated"
Funniest thing I ever heard my teacher say,"Waaaaa, sob, sniffle, They kidnapped my cat and kept him for a day and...sob.sniff...and when I got him back he was chromed."
I always admired the catnappers painting a cat chrome. Chrome is a funny choice. My brother was the catnapper.

 

[quantumdude]

This wasn't one of my teachers, but a professor at the college at which I am currently employed. There's a tenured professor in the Chemistry department who is nearing retirement (so he doesn't care what anybody says to him) who told a student that he should leave the class because he is too fat.

 

[DeathKnight]

Few days back the water heater in my house wasnt working so for two consecutive days I didnt take a bath(Man its really cold here). On the third day I was in my maths class when my teacher asked me to stand up. After I had stood up he, in front of the whole class, asked me in the most insulting way possible, "When did you last take a bath?"
To add insult to the injury the whole class immediately burst into laughters and kept asking the same question the whole day. It was soooo insulting that I can't even describe it.