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Need advise on strange situation.

  1. Nov 22, 2008 #1
    There's this married women at work that, as far as I can tell, is sending me some "signals".

    Suggestive choice of words at times, sometimes random physical contact, and will absoluetly not stop looking in my dirrection; in fact looking right at me. It's getting almost awkward.

    Now, I think she's extremely cute, and in my own selfish way I sort of wish she wasn't married. But because she is, I have essentially dismissed any ideas of anything ever happening. She's much older than me as well.

    But she keeps sending all these signals, and I just don't know what to make of it. I mean, she knows she's married, why is she doing this?

    I know I'm not mistaken about this. There's just too many singals flying around for it to just be a "friendly" type of daily interaction. There's more going on.

    I find myself thinking about this women way too much. It's not healthy. As much as I am attracted to her, I sort of wish she would stop this, because the more she does it, the more I have to tell myself she's married and there's really no chance. Ironiclly, this cute women sending me these signals is actually inducing a depression of sorts.

    What would you do?
  2. jcsd
  3. Nov 22, 2008 #2
    What would I do? I'd ignore it and try looking for someone else; this woman is married, and certainly, I rather not invoke the drama that comes with a married woman having an affair.
  4. Nov 22, 2008 #3
    Personally, considering how I've been feeling lately, I'd just confront her about it...
  5. Nov 22, 2008 #4
    As much as I want to, I just don't know how to do it in manner that is not extremely awkward, obnoxious, or invasive.

  6. Nov 22, 2008 #5
    It's really strange. I don't know her all that well on a personal level, but I cannot pictiure her to be that "type". But then again all these signs are there, and I just don't know what it means.

    Do married women with young children that have reasonable stable lives really involve themselves in affairs???
  7. Nov 22, 2008 #6
    Just talk to her about it... if shes into you Id say go for it unless you dont like that sort of thing...
  8. Nov 22, 2008 #7


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    Sure. She could be feeling ignored by her husband. She might feel she's getting older and needs to reassure herself that she's still attractive.

    You need to stop and give serious thought before engaging in an affair with a married person, especially with kids. Think about all of the negatives. Her husband, her kids, what could happen to you, the burden she could try to place onto you. A relationship with a married co-worker would certainly stop me dead in my tracks.
  9. Nov 22, 2008 #8
    Call me morally corupt, but I'd not be the one who's cheating, so no guilt.

    Even so, I doubt she wants that...though all these signals are like WTF???
  10. Nov 22, 2008 #9
    I'd personally try to send signals that you aren't available. Find a picture of a hot girl and put it on your desk. Imagine things about THAT girl instead. Then get out and find that girl!
  11. Nov 22, 2008 #10
    Well said. I can appreciate where you're coming from.

    My own little theory is that "relationships" are essentially man-made ideas, whereas simple attraction is a biological aspect that cannot always be supressed despite current involment with someone else.

    This can cause a lot of problems.
  12. Nov 22, 2008 #11
    Yeah man talk to her about it see whats going on... if you say she has a stable life then she just want something on the side, nothing wrong with that... if shes under trouble at home or something then Id say dont get involved in her troubles... Be careful about sexual harassment stuff man too... but yeah, just talk and find out whats happening...
  13. Nov 22, 2008 #12
    Just let her get to know you better. I'm sure she'll never want to speak to you again afterwards.

    OH SNAP!! ZING!!!

    Okay okay, serious advice. What I do to repel women is the following:

    • Have long hair. How messy or long it is is up to you. Mine is below my shoulders, but I wash it often. When you have to brush your hair out of your face every other second because of the wind, she'll know you won't have much time for her, or anything else really.
    • Shave at random intervals (in days). You don't have to shave every Tuesday, you know. Make sure to do a poor job too, with tiny patches of your face that you missed that have like 3 long hairs and places where you nicked yourself with the razor.
    • Wear nothing but jeans and t-shirts, preferably band t-shirts. Doesn't matter what you listen to, but having "Cannibal Corpse" is a lot better than "Led Zeppelin".
    • Make sure to never "project" what kind of hobbies you have. If there's some activity you enjoy, by God make sure she has no way of finding that out.
    • Lastly, and I think this is the most important part so listen up: completely lock up if she ever utters a word to you. I don't know how that one works, it's almost magical.

    If you follow these steps, I can guarantee that if she ever sees you walking down the street, she'll cross the street just to avoid you.

    A tad riskier, but more immediate measure you can take is if you ever sit next to her, like on the bus or at lunch or something, do your work or whatever, and constantly swear at your computer/book/pad of paper while making noises like a wounded animal. That's kind of harder to pull off, because you want to repel only her. If other people think you're f-ing crazy, then that's going overboard.
  14. Nov 22, 2008 #13
    stay away. honestly, what would you do if you found out that you're (if you were married, especially if you were happily married) wife was cheating on you with someone at work? I, personally, would not be a happy camper and; would probably want to jeopardize your well being in a number of ways.
  15. Nov 22, 2008 #14
    No guilt? What if the family becomes broken? You know what that can do to kids? Not to mention a significant other who might go looking for someone to focus aggression for any feelings of inadequacy.

    Well of course. That's why we have to administer self control.
  16. Nov 22, 2008 #15


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    So she has been sending you signals for some time , days or weeks? Usually there is a progression to all of this - if she really wants something she wants it soon - she may be messin' with you.
  17. Nov 22, 2008 #16
  18. Nov 22, 2008 #17
    He's not forcing her to do it, she came on to him. I don't have any obligation to check if you a girl is seeing anyone before I try to date her. It's up to her to say "no, I'm already with someone".

    I don't get this whole "you stole my woman!" mentality a lot of guys have. No, she left you on her own.
  19. Nov 22, 2008 #18

    Ivan Seeking

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    Imagine that you're in bed together when her husband comes busting through the door wielding a 12 gauge. Keep thinking of that.

    Okay, that is not likely [possible, which is worth remembering, but not likely], but you don't want the sort of trouble you might be getting into.
  20. Nov 22, 2008 #19
    wow this is disturbing!!!! why would you wanna hurt another person unless its self-defense? if i found out my girl was cheating Id be happy, now i can find another person that i can trust instead of living a lie...

    kids dont need to know... if they find out they can be told like normal humans, they can adapt... lotta people grow up in worse situations and they come out fine... the husband can find another mate that will find him adequate, stop this nonsense of "my world is over" so stupid... if the woman is interested in him he can go for it, no need to repress emotions, feelings, its natural to be attracted
  21. Nov 22, 2008 #20


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    You need to ask yourself why you would want all this trouble for a girl that means nothing to you.
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