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Need dating advice

  1. Song of Solomon - A

  2. Song of Solomon - B

    0 vote(s)
  3. Book of John Solomon - C

  4. Book of John Solomon - D

    0 vote(s)
  5. Book of John Solomon - E

  1. May 5, 2009 #1


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    I need some quick opinions on erotic poetry to include in a card:

    The Song of Solomon:

    or the Book of John Solomon

  2. jcsd
  3. May 5, 2009 #2


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    C is the most erotic IMO.

    It's plain and simple, leaving the eroticism to the concepts rather than to the floweriness of the words.

    The others will get either a laugh (which is fine, but not necessarily erotic) or a slap (unless they're flattered to be compared to a goat) or are trying too hard.

    Of course, who am I to opine...

    My best line was "Baby I just love the crap outta ya."
  4. May 5, 2009 #3


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    None of the above.

    They all seem a bit much for someone one just started dating, and clearly D is down the road, unless you've already been "leaning over the corner of your King-size bed".

    E is definitely out. Clearly the woman dates men of quality, hence she's not desperate.

    C seems to be the best of that set though.
  5. May 5, 2009 #4
    Here's a better one. Written by some guy named tribdog. You can use it free of charge.

    I'll never fly to far off places.
    I'll never leave you home alone.
    I'll never put you through your paces.
    I'll never use a harsher tone.

    I'll never make you do the dishes.
    I'll never call you something bad.
    I'll never go against your wishes.
    I'll never even make you mad.

    You know I can't do all of this
    Unless I'm a perfect guy.
    I'm not. So settle for a kiss.
    And know I love you, so I'll try.
  6. May 5, 2009 #5


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    Nice, trib.
  7. May 5, 2009 #6


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    So that's option B, then, right? I mean, at least I wouldn't leave empty handed.
  8. May 5, 2009 #7
    It all completely depends on whether you've already bonked her or not. If you haven't, forget the card. If you have, forget the card.
  9. May 5, 2009 #8


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    Ah, I found my answer - it's Walt Whitman's "I Sing the Body Electric".

    Holy cow! He beats the heck out of Solomon, whether it's the Book of Solomon, the Wisdom of Solomon, the Song of Solomon, or the book of John Solomon.

    Next problem: If Walt Whitman's "I Sing the Body Electric" is the answer, what was the real question (the one that sent me searching through the Solomons)?

    Hint: There might be a sequel.

    Oh, I should include a link to the poem

    Last edited: May 5, 2009
  10. May 5, 2009 #9
    This is hilarious. Not erotic, but damn hilarious. Any girl who goes for any of your options is awesome though.
  11. May 5, 2009 #10


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    How about -

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue.
    What you see is what you get,
    So it'll have to do - please!


    I like tribdog's poem. It's trib at his best!
  12. May 5, 2009 #11


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    Shall I compare thee to a summer's day would be more appropriate in my opinion.
  13. May 5, 2009 #12


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    Staff: Mentor

    Last edited by a moderator: May 4, 2017
  14. May 6, 2009 #13
    This may be a tad x-rated, but you did ask for erotic :wink:

    -- e.e cummings
  15. May 6, 2009 #14
    Rilke's third poem from his seven phallic poems is kind of awesome and hilarious. (Probably not what you're going for, but I felt compelled to share nonetheless.)
    Paul Verlaine also wrote a number of erotic poems.
  16. May 6, 2009 #15

    Vanadium 50

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    Here's one I don't recommend:

    You mean all the world to me.
    Without you I can't be free.
    You make me pant considerably.
    You're my love guppy.

    You have the finest rosebud's taste.
    Without you my life is waste,
    I'll stick to you like Elmer's paste.
    You're my love guppy.

    I'd break through a citadel.
    I'd fight with a raging bull,
    Though winning would seem improbable.
    You're my love guppy.

    My love's as strong as the mid-ocean ridge.
    You shine like the rainbow bridge
    or like that light inside my fridge.
    You're my love guppy.

    For you I'd consume haggis,
    or lose the joys of Bacchus,
    or live in sin with Mike Dukakis.
    You're my love guppy.

    No time's too long for me to wait.
    For you, I'd fight against Fate,
    though maybe you could lose some weight,
    You're my love guppy.

    Without you, I'd be not whole,
    I would have to sell my soul,
    or gulp a quart of Tide-E-Bowl.
    You're my love guppy.

    My passion is always mounting.
    I'm like a geyser founting.
    Well, maybe not, but who's counting?
    You're my love guppy.

    The love that is the more intense
    always has the most silence,
    like quiet bursts of flatulence.
    You're my love guppy.

    I know that my love is true.
    I know that you'll love me too,
    or I'll hold my breath 'till I turn blue
    You're my love guppy.

    I'd not forget you if I tried.
    You make me all warm inside.
    My love's as pure as Naugahyde.
    You're my love guppy.

    Then I hear the words let slip
    From betwixt impatient lips,
    "I want to have a relationship.
    You're my love guppy."
  17. May 6, 2009 #16


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    Wait! Stop! Don't do anything until Cyrus gets here! :biggrin:

    Maybe I missed something in other threads, but this seems like a bad idea. I think Zoobie put it best. If you haven't yet been intimate, these would seem horrendously forward and off-putting. If you have already been intimate, using a poem written by someone else would seem cold and distant, at least when just starting out dating. These choices seem more like something to use only after you're in a sufficiently long-term relationship that she'll know she can definitely laugh and play with you when she gets these poems and not look at you sidelong wondering if you're just another creepy lecher.
  18. May 6, 2009 #17


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    Geez, guys, just because two events are closesly correlated in time, it doesn't mean causation.

    Anyway, no one's biting on this, so I'll just give you the question to the answer:

    What was Annie reading to Nuke in the movie Bull Durham?

    (Someone suggested it was from the Book of Solomon, which kind of shocked me - the Bible has erotic poetry? Yes, it does - options A & B are from the Bible)

    And don't worry. Handcuffs and erotic poetry are only for first dates.
    Last edited: May 6, 2009
  19. May 6, 2009 #18
    Personally I would write it myself or find something absolutely spectacular which actual looking is unlikely to produce. Its usually something you just happen across that hits you as perfect.
  20. May 6, 2009 #19


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    You need to include the author's name (Greg Roelof ?). That one doesn't seem to work so well.

  21. May 6, 2009 #20


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    Eureka! It finally came to me.

    We'll take a moonlight stroll through the Garden of the Gods and I'll carve the poem,


    right into the rocks.

    Short, succinct, to the point, and erotic as all hell.
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