Is She Interested in More Than Friendship?

[Cyrus]

"Go with her even if I don't really want to."

Thats being run over.

 

[Moonbear]

Nice guys finish last. Open doors, and don't be an ass, all the time, but give her a hard time once in a while. Dont go anywhere you don't want to with her, your not her slave. Try this on for size, she should treat you like a king. The more you strive for her attention, the less and less of it she will give to you over time. Dont treat her any different than you normally would a friend.

I agree. While it might be fun on a first date, women don't really want to be treated like queens all the time, we want to be treated like people...equals. We want partners not lap dogs. That doesn't mean don't do nice things for her, it simply means do them because you want to do them, not because you feel you need to cater to her every whim, and don't overdo it to the point of being fawning. And, if it's a good relationship, she'll reciprocate. If you do everything she wants to do, you're also forcing her to make all the decisions and hold all the responsibility in the relationship...this grows tiresome too.

 

[Astronuc]

We want to be treated like people...equals.

We want partners not lap dogs [or foot stools].

That bears emphasis! Accept the other gender in a recriprocal partnership.

Bottom line - be thoughtful, kind and honest - and accept a mutual and shared responsibility in the bilateral relationship. Both sides have wants and needs, and both give and receive.

 

[binzing]

Yes, that was what I was getting at.

 

[Cyrus]

Also, don't fixate on her. Even if you end up going out with her, the day will come when some guy takes her away from you the very same way your trying to get her from her current guy. If she feels the relationship is coming to an end, you might find out when she hangs around a new guy instead of you during her free time. Learn to accept this fact. Enjoy the times you had, instead of thinking, "what did I do wrong, how can I win her back".

 

[binzing]

Yeah. Since she's a grade higher anyways, she will graduate before me so I'm prepared, plus things change with time. And I'm not really trying to "take" her from her boyfriend, more like get her to see me as being more favorable and come to my side.

 

[Cyrus]

Yeah. Since she's a grade higher anyways, she will graduate before me so I'm prepared, plus things change with time. And I'm not really trying to "take" her from her boyfriend, more like get her to see me as being more favorable and come to my side.

:rofl: Love the rationalization you tell yourself for taking her from him. Shes just 'coming to my side'. Screw him, if she likes you take her. If she really likes this guy, shell stick with him.

 

[binzing]

lol, well if she's going to stay with him that's fine, she's still a good friend either way.

 

[Moonbear]

Even if you end up going out with her, the day will come when some guy takes her away from you the very same way your trying to get her from her current guy.

Wow, that's pessimistic.

 

[Cyrus]

But its true. Eventually she is going to find someone else when the relationship gets old. Being in high school, I can see that happening for them quite quickly.

 

[turbo]

binzing, just do something non-threatening in a neutral location, like getting together for coffee after class, or eating lunch together. If she's enjoying your company, she may break the ice and say "we should do this more often" or something similar, leaving you in a bit of a comfort zone with regard to future get-togethers, and that will make it easier for you to ask her out to a movie, etc - something more like a real date. If she's got a serious relationship going with her BF, you'll find out without making her uncomfortable about "rejecting" your advances. You never know.

When I was in HS, I had a mild crush on a very smart and pretty girl in my class, but I kept cool about it because she had a steady boyfriend. At the end of our senior year, we were chosen as the leads in the annual senior play, and at the end of the play, we were supposed to embrace and kiss. After the first full rehearsal, I said "That was nice! I've always wanted to do that." And she acted surprised and a little disappointed and asked "Why didn't you ever ask me to go out with you?" You never know if you don't ask.

 

[binzing]

Yeah I know, but we don't have lunch together and freshies aren't allowed off campus. I'll figure out something. Options include: Valentine's shoutout message thing in school newspaper, as well as anything else I figure out.
Cyrus- You are being a little overly pessimistic in my opinion. I mean if we really "click" it may last longer, that's why I avoid other freshman and go for people who are closer to my age (I was held back in 1st grade) so that I might find a girl who is less likely to do the stupid "go out"-for-a-week sort of thing. I've got to check my myspace, I got another message from her.

 

[rewebster]

does she know your name?

 

[Cyrus]

Valentine's shoutout message thing in school newspaper

Thats a nice idea. Have an inside joke or nickname for her, so when it appears in the school newspaper only she will know its for her.

Cyrus- You are being a little overly pessimistic in my opinion. I mean if we really "click" it may last longer, that's why I avoid other freshman and go for people who are closer to my age (I was held back in 1st grade) so that I might find a girl who is less likely to do the stupid "go out"-for-a-week sort of thing. I've got to check my myspace, I got another message from her.

Would you like to bet that you won't date her until you graduate from high school? Ill send you a crisp $100 bill.

B.T.W. if you ever date this girl, keep your pants zipped; or mother cyrus is going to be very angry.

 

[binzing]

LOL wtf Cyrus, that last bit. Webster, yes she knows my name and we talk most days in the class we have together.

 

[rewebster]

does she smile when she talks to you?

and does she turn her torso in your direction when she does?

 

[binzing]

webster, yes she does smile and turn most of the time. Good sign? I'm going to amp it up next week

 

[rewebster]

excellent sign---pat her on her back when she says something funny next time

 

[binzing]

KK, will do. This has really helped a lot, thanks all. I'm still amazed that Evo didn't leave some killer post like I expected. Anyways, my "plan" is coming into play.

 

[rewebster]

If she's a little shy, don't make too much eye contact ---in other words, don't stare at her too much until she feels comfortable looking at you

 

[binzing]

I don't stare at people. Generally I make some eye contact, not a lot, but some, with everyone I talk to.

 

[rewebster]

There'll be a good time to stare ---and you will know when

 

[binzing]

lol, she's really great. She's into photography, as am i, and through our local libraby there is a magazine that is made by teens and features artwork by local teens, and we both want to submit some photos, so its another point in common.

 

[rewebster]

How perfect!---ask her if she would mind meeting sometime as you would like to try some portraiture work, and if she would like be your subject (take pictures of her FACE)

 

[Moonbear]

lol, she's really great. She's into photography, as am i, and through our local libraby there is a magazine that is made by teens and features artwork by local teens, and we both want to submit some photos, so its another point in common.

That's great! Now you have an activity in common you can invite her to do with you while you get to know each other better. Get out the cameras, go someplace fun to take photos, take some cheesy ones of each other, and after they're developed/printed/uploaded onto the computer (whichever type of photos you take), sit down together and help each other choose photos to enter in the contest.

 

[binzing]

Yeah, last night I asked her (via Myspace) what type of photography she likes and today email said she had responded, so I got to go read that.

 

[binzing]

She said she likes to do most types but especially stuff that can tell a story without words. I'm thinking I'll ask her sometime this spring (once plants start budding, etc.) if she wants to go to one of the parks and get some nature photos. We'll see what happens.

 

[Poop-Loops]

You're going to wait several months before asking her out?

 

[binzing]

No, not necessarily. Hence me saying "We'll see."

 

[Moonbear]

You could always ask her if she has any plans for Valentine's Day. That's coming up soon, and is always a great excuse to ask someone out for the first time.

 

[binzing]

Yeah, I know that's coming up. I don't know how to do it tactfully though.

 

[Astronuc]

One way would be to not say anything beforehand, and then on V-day, give her a V-card, perhaps some chocolate and/or flowers, and tell that you weren't sure if she was getting a Valentine, and you thought she should, and you wanted to be sure she got one.

You can keep it friendly and see where it goes. Just tell the truth - that you appreciate her friendship, enjoy her company, and that you like her.

 

[rewebster]

if you see her all the time, I personally wouldn't ask her out 'online'--do it in person

 

[binzing]

I see he everyday for one class period. And no, I wouldn't ask her out over the net, but it is a good way to communicate out of school as I don't have a cell phone like every other kid on the bloody continent. I like Astro's idea.

 

[Moonbear]

if you see her all the time, I personally wouldn't ask her out 'online'--do it in person

I agree. When all the young people do so much online anymore, the personal touch of asking in person will seem so much more special.