New Year's resolution

  1. Math Is Hard

    Math Is Hard 4,915
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    My new years resolution is to try to make some friends in real life. I have signed up for that meetup.com site and I'm trying to figure it out. There were 3 groups I was interested in - one has already broken up, another costs $300/year in membership fees, and the other is a walking group which might might be just for seniors. Anyone else had good luck with that?

    The older I get, the more friends I lose, and the harder it is to make new ones. I'm in my early 40s now. My friends have gotten married, had kids, moved away. I have only one friend I do things with but she lives almost an hour away and is busy with her kiddo a lot.

    I'm not really sure what other things I can do to make friends. I'd like to find some people to go out to restaurants with, hang out and plays cards with, maybe go see some live music.
     
  2. jcsd
  3. I thought you were married
     
  4. Math Is Hard

    Math Is Hard 4,915
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    No, I live alone with a cat. It's pretty pathetic.
     
  5. Ok---I was absent for about a year---I kind of remember something about a 'boyfriend' back then with you-----meltdown?
     
  6. Get married. Have children. Voila! People to spend time with.

    Or get more cats. ;-)

    I dunno. I've pretty much lost all my friends to various issues. Because of my schedule I am rarely ever able to get together to do anything with anyone so no one ever calls me and I spend almost all of my time at work or at home alone. I don't even have a cat.

    So it could be worse.
     
  7. I'll give you MIH's phone number---





    -uh, wait, I don't have it, sorry:frown:
     
  8. Borek

    Staff: Mentor

    I can tell you where I have found a group of interesting people in my area - while you don't live exactly close that may give you some idea.

    I am a little bit interested in history of Warsaw, and I have googled a forum of similar addicts. It occured they organize a walk each month in different parts of the city - no fee, no nothing, come with us if you are interested, don't expect to be told stories about the city, but you are invited to share whatever you know about the places we are passing by. When we can't walk any longer we stop to drink beer and call our wifes to get us back home... Well, this final part may not work for you.
     
  9. You are in early 40s?
     
  10. lisab

    Staff: Mentor

    I thought I was the only one with this issue!

    I tend to make friends easily, but then things happen to them. They get transferred, their husband gets transferred, they go to work for Microsoft and are never heard from again...one friend became sick with something that causes seizures and can't drive, and her husband keeps her sequestered :mad:.

    So I've sort of given up.

    Not that that's a good solution, mind you :tongue2:.

    But I've started a few things lately: volunteering at the zoo, taking martial arts, taking a physics class (OK, that's not the best place to meet female friends, haha). So, at least I'm busy.

    I get the impression, MiH, that most women in our age group are too busy with family and career to socialize much.
     
  11. Maybe it helps if one of you should move to Washington state or perhaps one of you should move to California?
     
  12. Same club. But I'm five years out of a fourteen year live-in relationship. I'm good with it all being about the cat and me. I have decent people who I work with to do basic "stuff" with, but mostly I'm fine by myself. Most people just wind up bugging me anyway.
     
  13. If Lisa moves to California then there will be three of us! Though I would not necessarily wish that on her.
     
  14. turbo

    turbo 7,366
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    My New Year's resolution was not to make a New Year's resolution. (FAIL!)

    Kidding aside, have you considered doing some volunteer work? You might meet some nice altruistic people that way that could turn into friends. My friend's mother volunteered a LOT when she retired, and when she died, her memorial service was packed!! She had a lot of friends that many of us knew nothing about. She had a lot of causes, but one big one was teaching English to adults as a second language, and helping immigrants navigate through the naturalization process so they could become US citizens.

    She was a pharmacist and had been raised as a Quaker (no alcohol, no caffeine for her) and was incredibly tolerant of others. Her son and I were hell-raisers, but as long as we were ethical and decent to others, she never said a word when we acted up (where did you get that massive string of loud firecrackers?). She attended Unitarian services in a town about 50 miles away, and made a lot of contacts there.
     
  15. Math Is Hard

    Math Is Hard 4,915
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    Maybe I can come visit you, Lisa, and you could show me the zoo. Or we could go visit Poland! People seem friendly there. Or maybe we'll both be all wrapped up in graduate studies soon and too busy to even think about doing anything else, so it won't matter.

    TSA is right. I need more cats.
     
  16. Math Is Hard

    Math Is Hard 4,915
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    I broke up with him quite a while ago.

    Basic "stuff" sounds good. I would like someone to go to the mall with. That would be wonderful.

    I went on vacation by myself last summer. I couldn't find anyone I knew who had time to get away. But when I got to my destination, there were thousands and thousands of people on vacation who did find time to get away. Where are all these fun-loving people? I had a good time, but it would have been more fun to have a buddy along.
     
  17. Math Is Hard

    Math Is Hard 4,915
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    I used to volunteer. I worked at an animal shelter. I met several other lonely old cat ladies who weren't really keen on going out.
     
  18. Ivan Seeking

    Ivan Seeking 12,535
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    That's where Tsu and I have landed as well. We used to have very active social lives, both with and without each other, but over time solitude became more and more appealing. I guess it's partly a function of age... We both have physical limitations [nothing serious - bad knees, back problems, repetitive motion issues - but limiting nonetheless] that prevent many activities that we might enjoy, and that tends to isolate us further. But in large part I think this gets back to having kids, or not. As the kids are growing, many people are consumed with school, sports, PTA, and whatever else they do. :biggrin: It was interesting to watch the cycle of friends dropping off the radar for most of 18 years, and then emerge again as the kids leave home. It was also true that during that time, old friends and I had often gone different directions. It was a bit sad to see that one of my oldest and closest friends fell prey to the dark side - conspiracy theories, crackpot science claims, radical skinheadlike religious views, and all with a strong dose of racism and alcoholism. Adios amigo! It was esp sad because he was once an aspiring electrical engineer. But, he joined the military, had kids, and that was that. He never pursued his academic interests.

    I have often watched people from my parent's generation with everything from condescension, when I was young, to fascination as I grew older: They are masters of superficial relationships. I have come to understand that it's a skill to have "friends" kept at arm's length. To me, this is an alien concept. I have always tended to have a few very close friends, and very few "acquaintances" with which I would spend time. I was never interested in spending time with anyone but "real" friends. But as one gets older, I think this skill of light socializing becomes more useful. As we get older and set in our ways, if one wishes to have an active social life, keep it light.

    Personally, I'm still not interested. I have Tsu, a few friends, my cats, and my online life, and that's enough for me. It gets lonely at times but I cherish my solitude. I love my work and many varied pursuits and tend to be focused on those things. I also finally had to admit to myself that most people bore me.
     
    Last edited: Jan 5, 2010
  19. turbo

    turbo 7,366
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    Like you, Ivan, I used to be quite active socially, until medical problems with fragrances quashed that. Running open-mike jams for a tavern was fun. I got to meet all kinds of kids from the jazz programs at local colleges, and a mix of pros and semi-pros and amateurs, many of whom I had known for almost 40 years. Between the musicians, the fans, and incidental patrons, there was a lot of fun. Not enough fun to justify ER visits though, and days of sickness. It was very sad to give that up.
     
  20. Borek

    Staff: Mentor

    Friendly - 100%. English speaking - 50%.

    But I suppose this statistics is somewhat skewed, we are not exactly typical.

    Edit: and from what I read many of us ride the same wagon...

    To ride the same wagon - I wonder if that's really in English, or did I made it up?
     
  21. And it just gets worse. As you know I'm 12 or something years older than you. People my age are busy being old: increasingly mentally restricting themselves to behaviors and attitudes they think are age appropriate for them. Going out to eat, going to a movie, getting together for cards, seems too adventurous, too outside the box for them.

    5 or 6 years ago I accidentally fell in with a huge society of people in their late teens and early 20's when I started hanging out at this particular cafe. Now I have no end of friends and acquaintances. They're always itching for novelty. What I do with these idle hands as often as I can is get them to sit down and doodle with my colored pencils. This reminds them of coloring as a kid, they quiet down and we can have nice, calm conversations. I think card games, scrabble, monopoly, would have the same effect. (People are, indeed, always playing cards, chess, and board games there.)

    There are plenty of other people my age who hang at the cafe as well but none of them has penetrated into the younger society because they won't let themselves: they insist on talking down to the kids instead of treating them like people, and they tend to pepper their conversation with off putting reminders of the age difference and a patronizing tone. I don't. I just make friends with them.

    I'm not a restaurant fan, myself, but people are always splitting off from the cafe to go elsewhere for food, and also making plans to see movies. I'm often invited along, but have only gone a few times. If you like that separate kind of activity there seem to be ample opportunities for it.

    So, what I'm saying is that if you want social activities get a younger circle of friends. You're a student at UCLA so where to find these younger people and the cafes they hang out in ought to be a no-brainer.
     
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