Nice people are boring, but jerks

  • Thread starter Lisa!
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  • #1
Lisa!
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Do you think that nice people are boring? I mean people who always try to be nice and polite, they never jest with you, always try to calm you. Whenever you tell them something, they accept it. It's you most of the time who decides what to do now, where to go, when to meet and stuff like that. Even if you did something wrong, they say you weren't so guilty about that...I mean kind of o:) .
It seems that most of people respect this type a lot but they usually don't enjoy spending time with them esp. when they need to have some fun. I even read somewhere that women prefer jerks. Personally I don't agree with this alot, but well it's almost true. I mean women like men who have a good sense of humour and are joking most of time even if what they're saying, hurt your feeling alittle sometimes.(In case you don't have anything to say in order to pay them back)But of course I'm not talking about people who try unsuccessfuly to be funny or look jerk.
I'm asking for that because of what I heard today. There is a guy who's always nice and polite and now his gf has broken up with him. She's told him "you didn't do anything wrong, but I'm not happy with you". You can't believe it but I always thought how his gf tolerated him because he must be too boring! It seems that his gf has the same idea!
 

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  • #2
heman
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Lisa!,you shouldn't have had done that.
 
  • #3
Lisa!
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What do you mean? You're not thinking that it was me...:uhh:
 
  • #4
wolram
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In physics, jerk (in British English, jolt), also called surge, is the derivative of acceleration with respect to time (or the third derivative of displacement). Yank is mass times jerk, or equivalently, the derivative of force with respect to time. Jerk is a vector, and there is no generally used term to describe its scalar value.

The units of jerk are metres per second cubed (m/s3). There is no universal agreement on the symbol for jerk, but j is commonly used.

Yank is mass times jerk

So Lisa you can use, "j" in a sentence. :biggrin:
 
  • #5
big man
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haha strange response...

The only time I've ever come across the "nice" you are referring to is when the person has been seriously mindf**** by the parents since an early age. If they're given more time in a healthier environment then they can actually learn to become what you would consider to be "fun". But, even so I don't think I've ever found them that boring that I wouldn't spend time with them. So really I think that while they may be considered subdued, they are far from dead boring...although I guess it depends on the people you've met.

I also think that a lot of "nice" people get trampled over in life and that they don't quite get the same level of respect from others. For example, a family friend found out that his wife had multiple sclerosis. Anyway he stood by her looked after her and all that jazz, but then they found out that she was misdiagnosed and that it was some freaky temporary thing. As soon as she found that out she divorced him and said that she had to do more with her life.

I know I went on a slight tangent then, but my response is that obivously being boring isn't restricted to just "nice" people. I think you will get as many boring "jerks" as boring "nice" people.
 
  • #6
Astronuc
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Lisa! said:
Do you think that nice people are boring?
No.
Lisa! said:
I mean people who always try to be nice and polite, they never jest with you, always try to calm you. Whenever you tell them something, they accept it. It's you most of the time who decides what to do now, where to go, when to meet and stuff like that. Even if you did something wrong, they say you weren't so guilty about that...
Those are not necessarily qualities of a nice person, but rather one who may be timid or lacking in self-assurance.
Lisa! said:
I even read somewhere that women prefer jerks.
I'm sure it has been mentioned more than once in GD. I disagree with this premise. I think women, and people in general, do not like someone who is too deferential. One must be assertive (but not aggressive) to be successful in a relationship. One can have a good sense of humor and still be nice. One can jest nicely. One can be reassuring and supportive, but not patronizing.
Lisa! said:
There is a guy who's always nice and polite and now his gf has broken up with him. She's told him "you didn't do anything wrong, but I'm not happy with you". . . . he must be too boring! It seems that his gf has the same idea!
There could be other reasons, but it would appear that they are incompatible.
 
  • #7
JasonRox
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Astronuc gave good responses.

She might have left him because he was too nice. Most girls don't like too nice. The reason is because really nice guys are afraid to be sexual with their girl. They think girls aren't about sex, but they are. Of course, not entirely about sex, but most girls want a guy that can satisfy them sexually and make them feel sexy. Nice guys just standby and never do the dirty talk.

A guy who walks up to a girl then starts throwing compliments in a few minutes, like dirty compliments, which I know you've heard. Girls like that from time to time because it makes them feel sexy, and attractive. Some people will think this guy is a jerk, but really he's not.

I don't want to get into detail, but nice guys are sometimes just too nice.
 
  • #8
juvenal
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A buddy of mine from college would often have the following response whenever I would mentioned someone was a good/nice guy/girl:

"DOES HE HAVE A CHOICE?"

I would always feign a bit of indignation, but agree with him. Some (not all) people are "nice" because they're losers at the bottom of the social pecking order. But then again, they're also losers because they're nice. I'm not talking about all kinds of niceness, but more of the wussy type of niceness.
 
  • #9
Echo 6 Sierra
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There's a big difference between being a nice guy and being a doormat. In the immortal words of Dalton (P Swazy) "be nice until it's time to not be nice". Then...bomp-chicka-wow-wow.
 
  • #10
Lisa!
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Well I have to clarify something. I totally agree with what Astronuc said, but you know when I said 'nice' and 'jerk', I gave you a definition of them. Actually what I said, isn't a common use of these 2 words. This is what we use in a very informal conversation with our friends. Personally I can't stand jerks and I don't care about them at all. And I think no wise person can like them too. In fact I was talking about naughty people who behave like jerks deliberately sometimes in order to have some fun and for sure others know that they're just joking. (I'll tell you later why I use these words :wink: )


Astronuc said:
Those are not necessarily qualities of a nice person, but rather one who may be timid or lacking in self-assurance.
Sure, they're not. I agree with you. But you know some people try to listen to others because they are too inexperienced in relationships. For example I know some people who just concentrationg on their resaerches whole their life and they're not sociable enough. They do'nt care a lot about these stuff, so they agree with their partner. (luckily we have lots of successful scientists who are good at everything whether joking or doing researches)


One must be assertive (but not aggressive) to be successful in a relationship. One can have a good sense of humor and still be nice. One can jest nicely. One can be reassuring and supportive, but not patronizing.
I meet lots of them in PF. A good example of them is you. It's always a pleasure to talk to you. We can laugh and learn at the same time when we're talking to you. :smile:
There could be other reasons, but it would appear that they are incompatible.
You know I think the guy loves that girl too much to see their problems. Or perhaps she's good for him but he's not good for her. Or sometimes people don't know the value of sth that people don't have to try to get it. Perahps it's the main problem esp. for young people. They usually don't know the value of things/people who already have, they want to fight and try. They're trying to prove something (perhaps to themselves) they're able to get whatever they want in their lives.
 
  • #11
Bladibla
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Lisa! said:
Well I have to clarify something. I totally agree with what Astronuc said, but you know when I said 'nice' and 'jerk', I gave you a definition of them. Actually what I said, isn't a common use of these 2 words. This is what we use in a very informal conversation with our friends. Personally I can't stand jerks and I don't care about them at all. And I think no wise person can like them too. In fact I was talking about naughty people who behave like jerks deliberately sometimes in order to have some fun and for sure others know that they're just joking. (I'll tell you later why I use these words :wink: )


Sure, they're not. I agree with you. But you know some people try to listen to others because they are too inexperienced in relationships. For example I know some people who just concentrationg on their resaerches whole their life and they're not sociable enough. They do'nt care a lot about these stuff, so they agree with their partner. (luckily we have lots of successful scientists who are good at everything whether joking or doing researches)


I meet lots of them in PF. A good example of them is you. It's always a pleasure to talk to you. We can laugh and learn at the same time when we're talking to you. :smile:
You know I think the guy loves that girl too much to see their problems. Or perhaps she's good for him but he's not good for her. Or sometimes people don't know the value of sth that people don't have to try to get it. Perahps it's the main problem esp. for young people. They usually don't know the value of things/people who already have, they want to fight and try. They're trying to prove something (perhaps to themselves) they're able to get whatever they want in their lives.

Has it occurred to you maybe it is the Girl that is taking advantage of the whole situation?

You mention that he is not good for him, and yet mention that he is 'too nice'. You other comments include 'But you know some people try to listen to others because they are too inexperienced in relationships'.

I'd say that it is the Girls fault that the relationship is failing. Sure, the man might be naive, however, just what kind of person would kick a person from a relationship because of being.. mean? no. Evil? no. But NICE?

Girls only want jerks. (I'm not going to be 'politically' bothered enough to mention about the exceptions to this)
 
  • #12
deckart
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It's not so much that women like jerks but that women like a mans strength. And often strong men come off as jerks.
 
  • #13
Bladibla
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deckart said:
It's not so much that women like jerks but that women like a mans strength. And often strong men come off as jerks.

That is simply *not* true. There are also many academic 'jerks' who get all the girls.

Speaking of which, *i*' would like to inquire. Why should nice guys even bother looking for girls, when all they want are, contrary to what *some* people say, jerks?
 
  • #14
Chi Meson
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wolram said:
In physics, jerk (in British English, jolt), also called surge, is the derivative of acceleration with respect to time (or the third derivative of displacement). Yank is mass times jerk, or equivalently, the derivative of force with respect to time. Jerk is a vector, and there is no generally used term to describe its scalar value.

The units of jerk are metres per second cubed (m/s3). There is no universal agreement on the symbol for jerk, but j is commonly used.

Yank is mass times jerk

So Lisa you can use, "j" in a sentence. :biggrin:
So it's true then: all Yanks are not jerks.
 
  • #15
Gokul43201
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Chi Meson said:
So it's true then: all Yanks are not jerks.
Only massless Yanks are.
 
  • #16
deckart
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Bladibla said - "That is simply *not* true. There are also many academic 'jerks' who get all the girls."

When I say strength, I don't mean just PHYSICAL strength! Academically strong men are "strong men" that come off as "jerks". And who is to say just because a man is academic he isn't strong (physically) anyway?
 
  • #17
Bladibla
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deckart said:
Bladibla said - "That is simply *not* true. There are also many academic 'jerks' who get all the girls."

When I say strength, I don't mean just PHYSICAL strength! Academically strong men are "strong men" that come off as "jerks". And who is to say just because a man is academic he isn't strong (physically) anyway?

Ah,i misunderstood. I apologize.
 
  • #18
TheStatutoryApe
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JasonRox said:
Astronuc gave good responses.

She might have left him because he was too nice. Most girls don't like too nice. The reason is because really nice guys are afraid to be sexual with their girl. They think girls aren't about sex, but they are. Of course, not entirely about sex, but most girls want a guy that can satisfy them sexually and make them feel sexy. Nice guys just standby and never do the dirty talk.

A guy who walks up to a girl then starts throwing compliments in a few minutes, like dirty compliments, which I know you've heard. Girls like that from time to time because it makes them feel sexy, and attractive. Some people will think this guy is a jerk, but really he's not.

I don't want to get into detail, but nice guys are sometimes just too nice.
LOL! I have to say that I am a "nice guy" and I do not suffer from the * ahem* problem that you mention. And if a guy says "dirty" things to you the first time he meets you I seriously doubt that he has much respect for women.
A different spin on the quote that Echo 6 shared "Be a gentleman until it's time to not be a gentleman."
 
  • #19
outsider
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women want a MAN... no matter if he's quiet, nice, or whatever... I think the problem with this guy isn't because he's nice... it is because he isn't much of a MAN. Nice is a category that people are put into for not being able to take innitiative for themselves... amiable, is another... push-over, is also another...

I'd say I'm a pretty nice guy overall... but people know I can be a jerk if I have to be... so, there is a certain respect that I receive just for not being a push-over. The sesxual stuff really depends on the woman and what she can handle. :wink:
 
  • #20
pattylou
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Gokul43201 said:
Only massless Yanks are.
What a paradox, as we are becoming more massive and more of a jerk every year.

Can this conundrum be solved mathematically? Another variable must be involved. Perhaps as we assimilate (ass) leaders from other cultures into our foreign policy, our increasing mass actually leads to increasing jerk, rather than the converse.

(I'm not very good at this kind of stuff. Hopefully there weren't too many groans.)
 
  • #21
most of my friends who are jerks have girlfriends, my friends who are really nice guys are almost all single. women who say they like "nice guys" only say that because they don't want to be hurt, not because they want to be with a nice guy.

if your a nice guy, stop being a chump.
 
  • #22
Lisa!
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outsider, perhaps he's much of a man but someone else is better than him! :wink:


TheStatutoryApe said:
LOL! I have to say that I am a "nice guy" and I do not suffer from the * ahem* problem that you mention. And if a guy says "dirty" things to you the first time he meets you I seriously doubt that he has much respect for women.
A different spin on the quote that Echo 6 shared "Be a gentleman until it's time to not be a gentleman."
Yep, you're right.
 
  • #23
Smurf
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Lisa! said:
She's told him "you didn't do anything wrong, but I'm not happy with you". You can't believe it but I always thought how his gf tolerated him because he must be too boring! It seems that his gf has the same idea!
I'm pretty sure that's why the last girl who broke up with me did.
 
  • #24
Smurf
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devil-fire said:
most of my friends who are jerks have girlfriends, my friends who are really nice guys are almost all single. women who say they like "nice guys" only say that because they don't want to be hurt, not because they want to be with a nice guy.

if your a nice guy, stop being a chump.
Nah, I have my ethics. I'm not going to change just so I can attract the most common kind of woman. Besides, I don't consider myself boring :biggrin:
 
  • #25
Lisa!
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You mean she thought you were nice?
 
Last edited:
  • #26
Moonbear
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Well, it works the same for both sexes, doormats seem to be attracted to jerks. They want someone to just tell them what to do all the time. Of course, real jerks just use and throw away doormats, so lasting relationships don't happen that way.

But people here are talking as if there is nothing else in between. Being nice doesn't require being a doormat. You can be considerate of others and also assertive of your own wishes. One can be self-confident and forthright without being a jerk. While there are those women who will take on "projects" and try to "fix" men they feel sorry for, most women don't find insecurity in men to be attractive (and often, the jerks are acting that way to hide their insecurities just as much as the doormats are displaying all their insecurities for the world to see).
 
  • #27
deckart
106
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If you are a man, and you are assertive, it is impossible not to come off as a jerk to someone. It's a human condition.

Though I think it's admirable, I'm not as considerate as most people. I just don't value being cordial as much as others. I have just come to terms with the fact that I'm a jerk :rolleyes: . The women in my life have come to respect that (they don't really have a choice).

I'm very fascinated by the psychological differences in gender and I get a big kick out of the mainstream idea that tends to say there aren't differences for the sake of "equality". :rofl:

Kinda getting off the subject of the post but it does bust into an interesting can of worms.
 
Last edited:
  • #28
Lisa!
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:confused: Who's a jerk in your opinion?
 

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