Finding Love in a Chat Room: Can It Really Happen?

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In summary: For example, you may love the idea of going hiking and your partner hates hiking...or the other way around. If you can't get along on a fundamental level, then it's not likely that you will be able to make it work long term.
  • #1
Lisa!
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I read in another forum:

i recently met a girl in a chat room and we quickly fell i love. she saved me from suicide cause my heart was broken by my ex but anyway she lives in UK and i live in US. she is 19 and i am 17, and i was wondering if anyone has ever heard of two people this young [/COLOR}finding love in a chat room. i am supposed to move to the UK after i graduate in Dec. not only because of her snother reason is that i always planned to do that anyway...but i would like to hear storys from anyone else who has had anythinglike tis happen to them or someone they know. good or bad in the same country or not.

thanks


I wanted to tell him the legend of the Franzbear, but this case is abit different. :tongue2: What do you think?
PS I quoted him exactly.
 
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  • #2
I think online love can happen, but that's not likely it. That sounds more like a young and unstable kid who too easily becomes infatuated.
 
  • #3
Well the definition of Love from person to person is different.
Agreeing with Moonbear,i think Obviously online love can happen,but the probability of its success is much lesser.
I also think males who look for females,or otherway, on this e are most of times frustated and losers who look for support and claim that to be love,but its not exactly love,its just a delicate situation who makes them think like that.
 
  • #4
Lisa! said:
I read in another forum:

I wanted to tell him the legend of the Franzbear, but this case is abit different. :tongue2: What do you think?
PS I quoted him exactly.

How could you post my confidential stories?
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

Wait a second, I am not 17 and i hate the UK

But no seriously, I agree with moonbear, this guy sounds like one of those EMO freaks that don't know what reality is and PROBABLY think love is finding someone who likes the same music group that you do. Everyone will always bring up that they "heard of someone who found true love online". Yah, you HEARD of someone. If the probabilities of finding love online where anything like finding love with people in your community, we'd all KNOW of people who found true love online. I mean let's get real, we almost all know someone who found their supposed true love and they are gaga over each other but I doubt even one out of every 10 people here actually knows someone who found a meaningful love on-line that withstood real-world tests like time and... actually meeting ecahother haha.

Oh yah and British people are ok.
 
  • #5
I think it's kinda illusional, because well yeah it happens but still u cna draw in ur imagination a completely different person than the one u r goin to meet actually...
It happens sometimes even when a married couple for more than 20 years for example find themselves like strangers to each other, because they both have grown in different was, and sometimes they r not just the same persons anymore..And they get divorced in the end...

So it depends...But that doesn't mean it never works..
 
  • #6
I don't think you can truly love someone just by talking to them through the computer. Like Nomy said you could draw in your head anything about them. If however the two met and felt each other's physical presence then they could love each other.
 
  • #7
Grotesque Puppet said:
I don't think you can truly love someone just by talking to them through the computer. Like Nomy said you could draw in your head anything about them. If however the two met and felt each other's physical presence then they could love each other.
Yes, I think that's it. You don't find love on the internet, but you might meet the person you eventually fall in love with via the internet. There are lots of ways to meet people and I don't believe in such things as "love at first site" (misspelling intentional); love is something that develops as you get to know someone well...you can't really be sure until you know their bad habits and what they're like on bad days and have seen them sick and grouchy and know you still really want to be with them in spite of it all.
 
  • #8
Pengwuino said:
Oh yah and British people are ok.

The feeling's mutual mate. :tongue:
 
  • #9
You can definately meet the right person through the internet, and you can fall in love with that person, the catch is, will you still love that person after you meet them in person? When you have to be around someone all of the time, as Moonbear mentioned, you may find that they aren't all that loveable anymore.

I agree with Nomy's post, a lot of times people meet in person with false notions of what the person really looks like or acts like and get quite a shock when they first meet. I think people tend to form impressions. How many people read a book then hate the movie because it didn't match their impressions of the characters they created in their minds?

I've met a number of people from the internet and I video conferenced with them for months first and there were no surprises when we finally met.

I have a video camera. :biggrin:
 
  • #10
Evo said:
You can definately meet the right person through the internet, and you can fall in love with that person, the catch is, will you still love that person after you meet them in person? When you have to be around someone all of the time, as Moonbear mentioned, you may find that they aren't all that loveable anymore.

So far, my husband and I have a relationship that is based on communication and respect, and we met in a chat room nearly 4 years ago. Personally for me, talking for hours online about all kinds of things is a great way to find out about a person initially. Many times we just meet someone and have a physical attraction and have no intellectual connection. Once my husband and I talked for so long on the computer, we resorted to daily phone calls until he could afford to move out to me (3000 miles from the east coast to the west coast). We were best friends a long time before we were ever lovers, and I think this has been a great asset in our relationship.
 
  • #11
no!

ok! i admit i am too young. :approve: i tried it several times in yahoo messenger :!) .
but i always end up with a fight n' slangs:devil:&*^~@: :yuck: . :grumpy:

if try to become too friendly i make sisters. :redface:
i have 18 sisters online . I'm tired of them. :cry:

and every one is older than me. :frown:
do u want sisters i can lend u some? o:)
gurkha-war-horse :biggrin:
 
  • #12
gurkhawarhorse said:
ok! i admit i am too young. :approve: i tried it several times in yahoo messenger :!) .
but i always end up with a fight n' slangs:devil:&*^~@: :yuck: . :grumpy:

if try to become too friendly i make sisters. :redface:
i have 18 sisters online . I'm tired of them. :cry:

and every one is older than me. :frown:
do u want sisters i can lend u some? o:)
gurkha-war-horse :biggrin:

I suggest, you work on yourself. If no one seems to be accepting you, it is likely they are looking for a trait that you don't have.

For instance, on the surface, my wife looks pretty and superficial... and this is why we met. But underneath this superficial shell, she has a deep spiritual soul... she's got such great morals and the courage to tell me what I don't want to hear (which is what I want to hear). I found that so rare I had to marry her! She has made me into a much better person and I thank god I have her (or else I'd probably be in jail sooner or later).

To get back to the post, we didn't meet on the internet because intenet dating wasn't as popular back in those days (internet wasn't really that popular at all)...

But I honestly think meeting people in real life gives a much better impression than any other format. A lot of people hide behind an online personality and want to look so cool that their reality cannot match.

I know that I'm far cooler in person than I am online. :cool:
 
  • #13
You can never know a person until you meet them. Simple as that.
 
  • #14
gurkhawarhorse said:
: i tried it several times in yahoo messenger :!) .
:

Gurkha,
i used to do chat because there were/aren't any gal in my batch.. :grumpy: :cry:
You must be having atleast some gorgeous gals in your class,try them,knock them down! :smile: :!)
 
  • #15
moose said:
You can never know a person until you meet them. Simple as that.
All of the people I met were no different in person than they were online. I probably found out much more about them in a shorter period of time online and found out things about them that probably would never have come up if we hadn't been talking online. Just think about all of the time you spend with someone you are "physically" with that you don't talk. Online, you have to talk.

Perhaps I am just a very good judge of character and avoid people I can sense are fake or "not normal".
 
  • #16
I love a lot of girls I've seen at uh... certain websites.
 
  • #17
Evo said:
All of the people I met were no different in person than they were online.

'all'
That sounds strange to me!
What was the platform Evo??
I mean messenger,forum etc.!
 
  • #18
heman said:
'all'
That sounds strange to me!
What was the platform Evo??
I mean messenger,forum etc.!
I met them all video conferencing, mostly at various university reflectors such as Cornell & Vassa, then White Pine reflectors, then I got invited to certain private reflectors, which were quieter and the members of a higher caliber then some of the rif raf that was starting to find their way onto the internet (thanks AOHell). I met some of the most awesome, absolutely brilliant people. I met one of the guys that was involved with inventing instant messaging (ICQ), he kept asking us to try it and tell them what we thought of it. I finally signed up, I can't remember now if I had a 3 or 4 digit member number. :tongue:
 
  • #19
Evo said:
I met them all video conferencing
Video conferencing is much different from text IMing :blushing:
 
  • #20
moose said:
Video conferencing is much different from text IMing :blushing:
We kept our clothes on. :devil: The good reflectors had strict monitors (like the awesome mentors here :wink: ) and would instanty ban anyone caught doing anything inappropriate.
 
  • #21
Evo said:
the awesome mentors here :wink:
:mad:

mentors?:confused:

did u forget the spelling of dementors?! :rofl:
:devil:

:tongue: gurkha-war-horse
 
  • #22
No!

heman said:
Gurkha,
i used to do chat because there were/aren't any gal in my batch.. :grumpy: :cry:
You must be having atleast some gorgeous gals in your class,try them,knock them down! :smile: :!)

well, good suggestion. :smile:
but my school is traditional hindu type, ie. gurukul in my language /or u can say better "NO CO-EDUCATION TYPE!
BOYS & GIRLS TOGETHER? :bugeye:
FORBIDDEN :frown:
NEVER. :eek:
NO! :cry: either boys or girls not both! :yuck: "
its not in all schools in my country but some traditional ones. :redface:
u fall in love :!) in my school then u r a ... :biggrin:
gurkha-war-horse
 
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  • #23
A suicidal 17 year old guy has no grasp of stable interpersonal relationship, which is based on many sagastic principles and concepts. A 19 year old female is in no position to be credible for her actions or statements.

Take it from me - I've known both age groups, and I certainly have been a 17 year old guy back in the days. I can tell you I circled the drain once in suicidal rant which still has its residues today, however to move to another country in search of a partner is not only stupid, its completely in phase with the unstable character of the 17 year old. What will happen in UK? He will fall with the IRA and move to Ireland, or become anti-American and keep moving to another country after working in Fish'n'Chips. There are many possibilities for his fatal outcome, but to call that a fate is not logical.

But what the heck, let him go. After all in life the only things that make it worthwhile are the perturbations in people's fate and how variety is beneficial to the gene pool. If you do read this, I suggest you get a college degree here at least - perhaps you wouldn't make silly mistakes that will put you in misery. I'm sure a sassy British chick is all you are thinking of, in which case just visit her, but don't go over there with your whole room and closet packed in the luggage - the trip back home's going to be a bummer :biggrin:
 
  • #24
There is love and there is infatuation. Unfortunately, it is difficult (if not impossible) to know whether one is in love or merely infatuated until they've experienced both emotions. Many outsiders may be able to discern, but when has someone in either emotional state bothered to listen to outside influences? :rolleyes:

I was married to a woman with whom I was infatuated with for eight years (eight years married, known each other for nearly 16) until she decided she didn't want to be married anymore.

I was infatuated with a woman I met through an IRC channel. I was "in love" with her mind, which was a very fine one. We carried out a short romance IRL, until she realized that she was in love with someone else (also met through an IRC channel, no less).

I met the love of my life on an IRC channel... neither of us realized this, of course, until afer we met IRL and had some time to interact with each other.

Though I'm sure it has happened once or twice ( :rolleyes: ), I entertain doubts over whether a teenaged couple have found their perfect mates while traversing the aether.
 
  • #25
I once was quite infatuated with a girl I met online. I flew out to see her and spent a week with her. It wasn't until after I met her that I felt I may have been able to fall in love with her.
My last girlfriend I originally met online. I had no interest in her though when I first started talking to her I just thought she was a really cool person. When I met her the first time in person I fell head over heels for her. It wasn't because of looks either, I had already seen pictures of her and she actually has a physical defect that isn't noticable in pictures but quite noticable in person. It was just her presence. Several factors that you can't get from just talking to someone in a chat.

So in my opinion you most likely need to meet someone in person before you can say that you are in love with them.
 
  • #26
Dngrsone said:
Though I'm sure it has happened once or twice ( :rolleyes: ), I entertain doubts over whether a teenaged couple have found their perfect mates while traversing the aether.
I think meeting someone online has better chances if you've had some normal relationships first to use as a guide of what it takes to have a relationship and what's important to you. I don't think a teenaged couple is going to be at that stage. At 17, you think you're in love every time someone of the relevant sex looks your direction for more than half a second. :rolleyes:
 
  • #27
Moonbear said:
I think meeting someone online has better chances if you've had some normal relationships first to use as a guide of what it takes to have a relationship and what's important to you. I don't think a teenaged couple is going to be at that stage. At 17, you think you're in love every time someone of the relevant sex looks your direction for more than half a second. :rolleyes:

Hehehe... too true...
 
  • #28
gurkhawarhorse said:
u fall in love :!) in my school then u r a ... :biggrin:
gurkha-war-horse

... :tongue:
 
  • #29
You really need to know someone personally to fall in love. Personally meaning in person. Not that you couldn't meet someone online and adore them. But even with video cams, and cyber sex and what not, until you meet in person you have no chemistry, which is an important element in a long term relationship.
 
  • #30
cronxeh said:
A suicidal 17 year old guy has no grasp of stable interpersonal relationship, which is based on many sagastic principles and concepts. A 19 year old female is in no position to be credible for her actions or statements.

Take it from me - I've known both age groups, and I certainly have been a 17 year old guy back in the days. I can tell you I circled the drain once in suicidal rant which still has its residues today, however to move to another country in search of a partner is not only stupid, its completely in phase with the unstable character of the 17 year old. What will happen in UK? He will fall with the IRA and move to Ireland, or become anti-American and keep moving to another country after working in Fish'n'Chips. There are many possibilities for his fatal outcome, but to call that a fate is not logical.

But what the heck, let him go. After all in life the only things that make it worthwhile are the perturbations in people's fate and how variety is beneficial to the gene pool. If you do read this, I suggest you get a college degree here at least - perhaps you wouldn't make silly mistakes that will put you in misery. I'm sure a sassy British chick is all you are thinking of, in which case just visit her, but don't go over there with your whole room and closet packed in the luggage - the trip back home's going to be a bummer :biggrin:
You mean I should tell him what you said?
 
  • #31
Lisa.. first of all post your picture here

Secondly.. ok refer to #1
 
  • #32
cronxeh said:
Lisa.. first of all post your picture here

post my picture here? Well I've not found a suitable person( in PF) for myself. :blushing:
 
  • #33
"me me me me me" is it always about you? Here at PF in the event that judging by your posts and level of knowledge is not enough, we usually go by your physical attributes..

Take Evo here for example. Ever since she mentioned getting herself locked out of her house wearing nothing but top and panties that image pretty much stuck in my head and everytime she posts something.. well perhaps I said too much already
banana.gif
 
  • #34
cronxeh said:
"me me me me me" is it always about you? Here at PF in the event that judging by your posts and level of knowledge is not enough, we usually go by your physical attributes..

Take Evo here for example. Ever since she mentioned getting herself locked out of her house wearing nothing but top and panties that image pretty much stuck in my head and everytime she posts something.. well perhaps I said too much already
banana.gif

Ok suppose I post a picture of myself. There are 2 posibilities:
1.I'm not beautiful. So no need to post a photo :blushing:
2.I'm beautiful. Do you know wht happened to the guys around
here esp. those who're younger
than me? They'd get upset since I
don't care about people who are
younger than me. :tongue2:
 
  • #35
Well if you don't look like this, you pretty much already fit into category #1 (oh I'm SO dead for this!)

http://carboninside.com/1794047_l.jpg
 
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