Open Relationships: Exploring Thoughts & Perspectives

[Moonbear]

another relationship thread!

:!) :rofl:

:rofl: Except he's not asking for advice, just opinions.

 

[JasonRox]

Faithful is important. My wife was in a horrible accident. It did not disfigure her like the accident John McCain's wife was in, but she was partially paralyzed and lost almost all her vision. She has recovered most of her function and vision and is as tough as hell, though the disparity in the length of her leg-bones has given her ongoing skeletal problems. I've been through a lot, too, and she has stood by me through some crap when other women would have walked out.

For me "faithful" means a whole lot more than "I won't go out on you if we agree not to". That's juvenile. Faithful means that when your life hands you the worst day-week-month-year that you think you'll ever see, you have a soul-mate willing to stand by you. I hope you get that, even if you discount it now.

Oh, for sure I'll stand by her. No doubt about that.

 

[john16O]

Faithful is important. My wife was in a horrible accident. It did not disfigure her like the accident John McCain's wife was in, but she was partially paralyzed and lost almost all her vision. She has recovered most of her function and vision and is as tough as hell, though the disparity in the length of her leg-bones has given her ongoing skeletal problems. I've been through a lot, too, and she has stood by me through some crap when other women would have walked out.

For me "faithful" means a whole lot more than "I won't go out on you if we agree not to". That's juvenile. Faithful means that when your life hands you the worst day-week-month-year that you think you'll ever see, you have a soul-mate willing to stand by you. I hope you get that, even if you discount it now.

wow, this has a lot of wisdom to it. I'm only 19 and had my fair share of immature relationships relative to others at my age. This puts a lot of things into perspective for me. Thank you. You are a very good, kind-hearted person for doing what you did...

 

[JasonRox]

I think she might have just been suggesting that the woman you ditched as a bad kisser and bad lead-in to sex might have been able to learn had you been more patient. It's possible...maybe she'd only been with really inexperienced guys who thought anything she did was great and she could have learned from you and gotten better. But, that's your decision if you wanted to put in the time and effort to find out if things could improve with experience.

Yes, but but character was lacking as well. I hung out with her several times.

Character is key for me. Many pretty girls around, so that's nothing special. Pretty plus character, I like!

 

[binzing]

Guess he wants an ego boost or something?

 

[JasonRox]

Guess he wants an ego boost or something?

Yeah, my ego isn't big enough. I want it expand and touch everyone in the world!

 

[JasonRox]

:rofl: Except he's not asking for advice, just opinions.

How's the current boyfriend right now Moonbear?

 

[Moonbear]

Yes, but but character was lacking as well.

Yes, that's far more important. I also think if personalities match, bad kissing doesn't really seem so bad. But, if personalities don't really match, then even decent kissing can seem really bad.

 

[Moonbear]

How's the current boyfriend right now Moonbear?

Still current.

 

[JasonRox]

Yes, that's far more important. I also think if personalities match, bad kissing doesn't really seem so bad. But, if personalities don't really match, then even decent kissing can seem really bad.

If character and personality was fantastic, I wouldn't mind the bad kissing. And you're right, it's not so bad. It can be a laughing matter later too. I used to be a horrible kisser... you can ask the current girl.

 

[JasonRox]

still current.

bmw... :!)

 

[turbo]

wow, this has a lot of wisdom to it. I'm only 19 and had my fair share of immature relationships relative to others at my age. This puts a lot of things into perspective for me. Thank you. You are a very good, kind-hearted person for doing what you did...

I don't think of myself as kind-hearted. When my wife was released from the hospital, she had two broken legs, a broken arm (paralyzed) and she had just enough vision to recognize faces if you stood right in front of her and she had time to scan your face over and over. Her mother was retired and agreed to take care of her because I worked rotating shifts with mandatory overtimes and hold-overs and couldn't provide off-time coverage. I spent as much time at my mother-in-law's place as I could, I bought all the groceries for both of them every week and chipped in with utilities, etc, as much as she would let me. The next summer, my wife and I toured maritime Canada with her mother, and invited her mother's sister, so she would have a companion of like age. It was a small thing to do.

 

[JasonRox]

I don't think of myself as kind-hearted. When my wife was released from the hospital, she had two broken legs, a broken arm (paralyzed) and she had just enough vision to recognize faces if you stood right in front of her and she had time to scan your face over and over. Her mother was retired and agreed to take care of her because I worked rotating shifts with mandatory overtimes and hold-overs and couldn't provide off-time coverage. I spent as much time at my mother-in-law's place as I could, I bought all the groceries for both of them every week and chipped in with utilities, etc, as much as she would let me. The next summer, my wife and I toured maritime Canada with her mother, and invited her mother's sister, so she would have a companion of like age. It was a small thing to do.

Small thing or not. It was a very valuable thing you did.

 

[Moonbear]

bmw... :!)

:rofl: HE can afford the BMW, I just go along for the ride.

 

[JasonRox]

:rofl: HE can afford the BMW, I just go along for the ride.

Well, I like BMW's... share the love... be poly!

 

[DaveC426913]

I have a friend who is a poly. She attends poly socials. Did you have any questions you wanted to ask her?

 

[JasonRox]

I have a friend who is a poly. She attends poly socials. Did you have any questions you wanted to ask her?

Poly socials, like what?

 

[turbo]

Small thing or not. It was a very valuable thing you did.

Her mother is 92 now, and suffering from dementia, but when I see her, she always has a smile for me. Our days in the maritimes were the first time she'd ever been out of the country, and I made sure to plan to visit attractions that she and her sister would like, so we wandered up the east shore of Fundy and visited the Evangeline Chapel, the Royal Gardens at Annapolis Royale, Victoria Park in Truro, and all kinds of other stops. The sisters were still telling people about it weeks later.

That was all great, but how could it compare to knowing that someone would take care of the love of my life when she was practically helpless? I should have taken those old ladies to Hawaii for a week - I just couldn't afford it.

 

[JasonRox]

Her mother is 92 now, and suffering from dementia, but when I see her, she always has a smile for me. Our days in the maritimes were the first time she'd ever been out of the country, and I made sure to plan to visit attractions that she and her sister would like, so we wandered up the east shore of Fundy and visited the Evangeline Chapel, the Royal Gardens at Annapolis Royale, Victoria Park in Truro, and all kinds of other stops. The sisters were still telling people about it weeks later.

That was all great, but how could it compare to knowing that someone would take care of the love of my life when she was practically helpless? I should have taken those old ladies to Hawaii for a week - I just couldn't afford it.

Hawaii is something you remember for short periods of time (hence, why people go every year).

What you did is more unique and thoughtful.

 

[turbo]

Watch out, Jason! Cyrus just got un-banned. Actually, he might have to leave your thread alone...

 

[Moonbear]

Small thing or not. It was a very valuable thing you did.

I agree. When things get tough, that's the truest test of a relationship.

 

[binzing]

Terms of his parole?

 

[DaveC426913]

Poly socials, like what?

Uh, sort of a meet & greet with like-minded people. She's met many of her relationships at such things.

 

[JasonRox]

Uh, sort of a meet & greet with like-minded people. He's met many of her relationships at such things.

I thought about such things. I just don't think it's quite big in my area.

I thought you were talking about partner swapping for a second. :uhh:

 

[Math Is Hard]

What's the difference in being in an open relationship and just dating someone non-exclusively?

 

[JasonRox]

Watch out, Jason! Cyrus just got un-banned. Actually, he might have to leave your thread alone...

I talk to him personally for girl advice. He helped me deal with my glass filling armpit sweat when I talk to girls.

 

[JasonRox]

What's the difference in being in an open relationship and just dating someone non-exclusively?

Respect, and actually maintaining the relationship. Communication, and many other things.

Like Evo pointed out, you can search "polyamorous" relationships for a summary.

 

[DaveC426913]

What's the difference in being in an open relationship and just dating someone non-exclusively?

Polyamory has all the pitfalls of a monogamous relationship. They are work to maintain.

 

[Math Is Hard]

So you respect and "communicate" with the primary girlfriend but not the others?

I'm just trying to understand how it works.

 

[DaveC426913]

So you respect and "communicate" with the primary girlfriend but not the others?

I'm just trying to understand how it works.

Everyone is consensual but jealousy happens. Communication is indeed the key.

 

[Math Is Hard]

I looked it up on Wiki, but it seems ambiguous. It seems like you could have multiple boyfriends or girlfriends that you have equally loving relationships with, or, it could mean that you have one girlfriend or boyfriend but you sleep with other people (and you're honest about it).

 

[JasonRox]

So you respect and "communicate" with the primary girlfriend but not the others?

I'm just trying to understand how it works.

Oh no, you communicate with all of them for sure.

Basically, I have no boundaries to how far I explore my relationship with someone else. If it starts interfering with another relationship, it can cause a break up in the problematic relationship. For example, I hang out with Melissa (fake name) two-three times a week. If I start a relationship with someone else, and I'm only hanging out with Melissa once a week now, it can cause conflict as it is obviously interfering with the relationship. The relationship can drop to "secondary" status, or we can just break it off, as a new primary relationship is emerging. Quite similar to being monogamous, and you start liking someone else, you break off the current relationship.

Also, I have rules to never deliberately interfere with another's relationship. Melissa for example can not whine to hang out with me Friday night if I have a date planned with someone else. By doing so, she's deliberately attempting to end the date, or if she a calls repeteatedly during a date. Or anything of the like. You either do not interfere or improve the relationships I have with others. Same rules apply for any new partner.

There are many other rules too. Of course, it seems complicated, but it's rather natural for me now.

 

[Moonbear]

What's the difference in being in an open relationship and just dating someone non-exclusively?

It's more of a "semi" exclusive thing. There's a real affection and relationship present, but recognition that your partner or yourself could have a similar relationship with another person at the same time as well. It's more serious than just dating, I think.

 

[DaveC426913]

I thought about such things. I just don't think it's quite big in my area.

What's your area?

 

[DaveC426913]

I looked it up on Wiki, but it seems ambiguous. It seems like you could have multiple boyfriends or girlfriends that you have equally loving relationships with, or, it could mean that you have one girlfriend or boyfriend but you sleep with other people (and you're honest about it).

Yes, there are different types. Usually, 3 but sometimes 4. The 4's are sometimes X's, sometimes N's or other (the letters represent pairings in the relationship. So, an 'N' is boy1-girl1, girl1-boy2, boy2-girl2. i.e. boy1 and girl2 have no relationship.)