Parents too hard on kids?

  • Thread starter Evo
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  • #1
Evo
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My daughter is a bit distressed, she got a call yesterday from a friend to tell her that a girl they knew had just stabbed her mother to death. My daughter's best friend had been the girl's debate mentor last year. She was a nice, intelligent girl, but was known to do drugs and party hard.

She came from a strict family that demanded a lot from her.

On Friday, the girl came to school without wearing any shoes and she kept getting up and lying in the middle of the classroom floor. The school decided to send her home. Apparantly her and her mother got into a fight and she stabbed her mother to death. All of her friends are sure she was on drugs at the time.

Are parents putting too much pressure on kids? Are they demanding too much? Why do kids do drugs? I know some of you have admitted to taking drugs which to me is just nuts. Do you feel you're under too much pressure?

There are two different news videos here. http://www.kctv5.com/ Headlines

Top Story

August 20, 2005
Teenage Girl Allegedly Kills Her Own Mother

and

Girl Suspected of Stabbing, Killing Mother in Overland Park
 
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  • #2
Pengwuino
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Evo said:
She was a nice, intelligent girl, but was known to do drugs and party hard.
Theres your problem.
 
  • #3
AKG
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I would question whether drugs were a cause of the problem. I would consider the possibility that doing drugs, partying hard, and violent behaviour were all effects or symptoms of some other problem.
 
  • #4
Evo
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AKG said:
I would question whether drugs were a cause of the problem. I would consider the possibility that doing drugs, partying hard, and violent behaviour were all effects or symptoms of some other problem.
Did she do drugs because her parents were too hard on her? I can't believe some of the parents of kids my daughter knows. They'd drive me to drugs.
 
  • #5
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Evo said:
Why do kids do drugs? I know some of you have admitted to taking drugs which to me is just nuts. Do you feel you're under too much pressure?
I didn't start doing drugs untill after my parents stopped being hard on me (around 14-15, didn't try drugs untill 17ish). It was curiosity mostly. I don't anymore, although I'm still curious.
 
  • #6
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Evo said:
Did she do drugs because her parents were too hard on her? I can't believe some of the parents of kids my daughter knows. They'd drive me to drugs.
Most likely. If a child is unhappy at home he/she is especially vulernable to peer pressure to try them, and then might continue to use them as a form of escapism from their parents. Most of the people I know use it as escapism. Do you know which drugs she was using?
 
  • #7
Evo
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Smurf said:
Do you know which drugs she was using?
No, but it sounded like she was pretty out of it from the description of her behavior at school before she was sent home.

It's really sad. One of my daughter's best friend's has had his own parents call the police on him and have him arrested in their house (more than once), (one time because he broke a rare oriental vase during an argument with his dad) because they thought it would do him good. Then they sent him to a military academy, poor kid. :frown:
 
  • #8
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I think you'd have to know a huge amount about the history of this family to figure out what exactly happened here.

With a violent reaction from the girl like this, I would suspect there was a hitherto unknown mental illness brewing, that the drugs caused to explode. Most teenagers who absolutely can't stand their parents run away and become street kids, they don't kill the parents.
 
  • #9
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If anything, children have it too easy. It's all this stupid Mtv culture and movement against spanking that are turning kids into idiots. Kids these days are rude, loud, annoying, little punks with no respect for anyone. This world today tricks kids into thinking they have it tough because they have to listen to their parents and go to school. School isn't tough, niether is listening to your parents. You don't have it tough. People in third world countries that are lucky to find a meal once every few days have it tough.

She was a nice, intelligent girl, but was known to do drugs and party hard.
That contradicts itself. I'm sorry. But if you go around and do drugs and party hard. You're idiot. Plain and simple. And unless you stop you'll continue to be an idiot.

Did she do drugs because her parents were too hard on her?
Hard parenting doesn't force one to take drugs. It's her fault and her fault alone.
 
  • #10
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From the description I'd say LSD or Ex. Which could have made her prone to bursts of emotion and irrational thinking, which may have led her to murder her mother under stressfull circumstances (i.e. a fight). Acid especially has a way of exagerating experiences, and if they are negative can make a person really scared.

The explanation could be as simple as her taking a rather large dose of LSD and then, during the fight she may have perceived her mother as a threat and acted in (perceived) self defence.
 
  • #11
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Entropy said:
If anything, children have it too easy. It's all this stupid Mtv culture and movement against spanking that are turning kids into idiots. Kids these days are rude, loud, annoying, little punks with no respect for anyone. This world today tricks kids into thinking they have it tough because they have to listen to their parents and go to school. School isn't tough, niether is listening to your parents. You don't have it tough. People in third world countries that are lucky to find a meal once every few days have it tough.
Thank you.
That contradicts itself. I'm sorry. But if you go around and do drugs and party hard. You're idiot. Plain and simple. And unless you stop you'll continue to be an idiot.
You'll have to forgive me, for I'm about to call you an igorant old fool.
 
  • #12
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One of my daughter's best friend's has had his own parents call the police on him and have him arrested in their house (more than once), (one time because he broke a rare oriental vase during an argument with his dad) because they thought it would do him good. Then they sent him to a military academy, poor kid.
Poor kid? If I even yelled or spoke in a tone that my dad didn't like he would take my head off and wouldn't even think twice about it. If I intentionally broke something because I was mad. He would of course give me a beating, and take away TV, games, and ground me in my room for a month at the least. If I did it today, he would probably throw me out and cut me off completely.
 
  • #13
LeonhardEuler
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I wouldn't put all the blame on the parents. If the daughter stabbed the mother, I would say the kid is being to hard on the parent. I'm not saying the parent's actions are unimportant, but there is personal responsibility and it is not possible to control a child to prevent her from doing anything wrong.
 
  • #14
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LeonhardEuler said:
I wouldn't put all the blame on the parents. If the daughter stabbed the mother, I would say the kid is being to hard on the parent.
:rofl: :rofl: True, true.
 
  • #15
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You'll have to forgive me, for I'm about to call you an igorant old fool.
You aren't an idiot for having done drugs. You are an idiot if you ARE DOING drugs. Doing drugs doesn't make you an idiot for life. Everyone does stupid things when they're kids.

Oh, and I'm only 18 and I already sound like an "igorant old fool." :rofl: :wink:
 
  • #16
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Entropy said:
Oh, and I'm only 18 and I already sound like an "igorant old fool." :rofl: :wink:
I'm sorry. :rolleyes:
 
  • #17
Moonbear
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I guess I'd lean in one of two directions. The first possibility is that Zooby is correct and she had some underlying mental illness that's the real problem and her parents ignored it and didn't get her the help she needed. The alternative is that her parents were too easy on her and she grew up wild and out of control. I see too many parents who don't set any rules or discipline and let their children get away with anything, and then when they become teens, they have learned no self-control, no proper manners, nothing to help them behave properly or function in society and then the parents cry that it must be TVs fault or the school's fault or anyone's fault but their own.

Evo said:
It's really sad. One of my daughter's best friend's has had his own parents call the police on him and have him arrested in their house (more than once), (one time because he broke a rare oriental vase during an argument with his dad) because they thought it would do him good. Then they sent him to a military academy, poor kid.
I wouldn't say poor kid at all. It's probably the best thing that could have happened to him to send him somewhere where he'll learn discipline and respect. If the problem is that his parents have let him get away with too much that he thinks he can just break stuff in the house when he's mad, then he's now also removed from them and their poor parenting.

Kids practically get away with murder nowadays. Parents don't seem to have a clue on how to be parents. Maybe their parents were crappy parents too and there's a snowballing effect going on here that each generation gets worse than the one before.
 
  • #18
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Moonbear said:
Kids practically get away with murder nowadays.
actually, she's in police custody. :tongue2:
 
  • #19
Evo
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Moonbear said:
I guess I'd lean in one of two directions. The first possibility is that Zooby is correct and she had some underlying mental illness that's the real problem and her parents ignored it and didn't get her the help she needed. The alternative is that her parents were too easy on her and she grew up wild and out of control. I see too many parents who don't set any rules or discipline and let their children get away with anything, and then when they become teens, they have learned no self-control, no proper manners, nothing to help them behave properly or function in society and then the parents cry that it must be TVs fault or the school's fault or anyone's fault but their own.
Her parent's were insanely strict and hard on her. She was never "good enough".

I wouldn't say poor kid at all. It's probably the best thing that could have happened to him to send him somewhere where he'll learn discipline and respect. If the problem is that his parents have let him get away with too much that he thinks he can just break stuff in the house when he's mad, then he's now also removed from them and their poor parenting.
You don't know what I know, these people wanted perfection, they were always praising his older sister and criticising him. One time they had him arrested for drugs, it was his sister's. Why do people automatically side with the parents and blame the kids?

I've seen kids vomiting and crying, afraid to go home because they got a "B" on a report card. Someome needs to slap some sense into those parents. :devil:
 
  • #20
Pengwuino
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Smurf said:
Most likely. If a child is unhappy at home he/she is especially vulernable to peer pressure to try them, and then might continue to use them as a form of escapism from their parents. Most of the people I know use it as escapism. Do you know which drugs she was using?
I know some who do it simply because there idiots. They dont have problems at home......... at least none that anyone can see. I suppose no one except the family and the girl know what came first, the drugs or the 'bad home' thing. The fact that she partied hard makes me think there was nothing wrong at home because if there was.... she probably wasn't allowed to go to parties and probably wanted to leave the house as soon as possible (which makes me think she wouldn't kill her mother since that would kinda ruin the whole point of wanting to leave the house.... since your going to jail and all).
 
  • #21
Pengwuino
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Smurf said:
actually, she's in police custody. :tongue2:
I think moonbear means that she's probably going to get released at 18 since i suppose you can only comprehend right and wrong at 18 in this world...
 
  • #22
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Just something to think about. I don't believe that the parents are too demanding. In other times and places parents are/have been even more strict, and these problems don't/didn't develop. What I see as the main problem, is the confusing array of mixed messages that are being put out. We have parents, religion, and various authorities putting out one message, while Hollywood, advertising agencies and various "peer groups" are putting out just the opposite; to the very group that is extremely impressionable. I wouldn't want to be a child of teen ager coming up under this babel.

KM
 
  • #23
Moonbear
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Evo said:
You don't know what I know, these people wanted perfection, they were always praising his older sister and criticising him. One time they had him arrested for drugs, it was his sister's.
Then it'll still probably be the best thing ever for him to go away to military school and get away from that environment. If what you've heard is what really goes on, then his parents are pretty screwed up themselves and it'll be good for him to not be living under their roof.
 
  • #24
Moonbear
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Pengwuino said:
I think moonbear means that she's probably going to get released at 18 since i suppose you can only comprehend right and wrong at 18 in this world...
:uhh: Nope, just bad choice of words on my part. I wasn't referring to actual murder, just using a tired old cliche.
 
  • #25
Pengwuino
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Kenneth Mann said:
Just something to think about. I don't believe that the parents are too demanding. In other times and places parents are/have been even more strict, and these problems don't/didn't develop. What I see as the main problem, is the confusing array of mixed messages that are being put out. We have parents, religion, and various authorities putting out one message, while Hollywood, advertising agencies and various "peer groups" are putting out just the opposite; to the very group that is extremely impressionable. I wouldn't want to be a child of teen ager coming up under this babel.

KM
And to add to that, kids are getting even more stimulation from the outside groups such as hollywood, advertising, etc and less from parental and religious and authoritarian groups. Advertisings everyone, theres 2 MTV channels (gasp!), Madonna is still alive..... while parents are off having fun and using the extra income to hire babysitters and nanies and all that. Plus of course you have the internet which is just plain idiotic when it comes to kids. When I have kids, the hell if im letting them on the internet. They can watch ebaumsworld and thats it, no porn, no disney.... just ebaums... oh ebaums how i love you.
 

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