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Personality differences can be overcome?

  1. Jan 4, 2012 #1
    I was wondering this questions since I guess me and my girlfriend brokeup a few months ago, we were together for about a year. In the beginning it was great (we were together all the time, made a lot of friend together) however when things got a bit more difficult for me with work and family I was getting frustrated easily and started pickup bad habits (smoking) and noticeably bad attitude and in turn she started talking/responding differently which eventually turned into a vicious cycle of negativity.

    I have been analyzing what happened within me and what caused me to shut her out. I have sat in solitude for a while and determined why I was so rotten (for those I am trying to fix myself ig: communication, understanding), however for her I think it may have been the way she would talk to me, perhaps it was the tone that would set me off? Implied mistrust, or disapproval....

    The times we have talked in confidence together I know that she has a kind and gentle heart and would be there for me if I needed as would I.

    So my question is I was wondering if learning how to communicate can be *fixed* and if so, can a relationship work? (I have been reading "Men are from Mars women are from Venus" to gain some insight)
  2. jcsd
  3. Jan 4, 2012 #2
    Sometimes relationships start out well and descend into negativity. I've had it too, where things start out as sweet as can be and then later you're getting mad and arguing all the time.

    I don't think it's about communication. Communicating why you're having problems doesn't excuse the problems. Even if she understood that you had a lot of stress, if she didn't like your behavior the reason for your behavior isn't the issue, it's the behavior.

    In a relationship, it's almost always about feelings more than anything. If you're with someone and you feel happy, the relationship will work. Even if you have different hobbies, interests, tastes etc. as long as you feel good being together, that's all that's important.

    If your girl doesn't feel good being with you, she won't be happy and won't stay with you.

    That doesn't mean you have to be her servant or something. Avoid that at all costs, women despise men who try to suck up to them. Be confident and sure of yourself. But realize if you're with a girl and fighting and bickering, that girl will be ready to leave.

    Don't worry about this particular girl, but with the next girl you're with, focus on doing things that are fun, exciting, enjoyable, happy. Concerts. Dancing. Beautiful views. Interesting events.

    Do things with her that she'll look back on and smile at. Show her new things, give her special memories with you.

    Don't spend ALL your time with her, so that when you do have time together it's more special. Spending your whole life with someone, you can't help but get annoyed with them. Seeing them 2 times a week, it's much easier to focus on the good and not get bored or annoyed by them.
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2012
  4. Jan 28, 2012 #3
    Well it happen with almost in every relation that in beginning it works nice but when the time passes there thinking towards each other differs..No girl would like that his lover or boyfriend has any bad habit like smoking so as I suppose one should not adopt such a bad thing..
  5. Jan 28, 2012 #4


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    In a word: yes.

    Communication is key. And relationships are work.
    I found, after 20 years of marriage, that the key is being able to, and being able to hear your partner say "I want this to work". When you learn that you can trust your partner to not throw in the towel every time you have an argument, it makes it easy to get past the disagreements. They become just disagreements.
  6. Jan 28, 2012 #5


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    Every relationship begins with sunshine and roses. When you first start dating and know nothing or very little about each other, and spend only a day or two a week together, it's easy to have light-hearted conversations and to find pleasant things to do together. It takes time to get past that stage to know enough about each other to see if you're really compatible. When you're comfortable enough to let your bad habits show, and talk about serious issues of beliefs and ideals, and you're past the initial tingly excitement of physical attraction to someone new, that's when you find out if you're really compatible.

    It may be that you communicated plenty through your actions. Someone's reaction to stress is pretty important to considering if a long term relationship will work out. Turning to nasty habits you didn't have before you got stressed is justification enough to end a relationship. Someone might be able to handle a partner who spends no time with her when busy with work because he comes home exhausted and just falls into bed to sleep, but would be less happy if he came home drunk after stopping at a bar after work instead of spending time with her, or started to show big flare ups of temper.

    It's easy to get along with other people when times are good. When times get rough, that's when the relationship gets tested, and if you're incompatible then, it's going to fall apart quickly. There's a shift in relationship progression from looking for someone fun to looking for someone stable and reliable, and if you aren't both to each other, you're better off being just friends or acquaintances than partners for life.
  7. Jan 28, 2012 #6
    First you test the other person's limits in behavior etc. Then you both care enough not to cross the lines. There must also be no deal breakers (like smoking or physical/mental abuse)
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