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Physics jokes and humor

  1. Dec 9, 2004 #1
    Everyone list your physics jokes here. I have a few ones.

    In the early 1900's, name foreigners came to america, and they had bad english skills, espeicaly with tense and past tense. So, one day, a german who just entered the country lost track of the time, as he needed to catch a train , so he asked a physicists "What is time". The physics replied "You will have to ask a philosopher that question, I'm only a scientist".

    Your mother is so fat, men are actually attrracted to her, according to General Relativity.

    Don't take these jokes offenseively, these are jokes that only we can understand. :rolleyes:
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2004
  2. jcsd
  3. Dec 13, 2004 #2
    A Dancing Wu Li Master walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with Everything."
    Many people espouse the works of Renee DesCartes without reference to the pioneering works of the Dutch naturalist Evander DeHoorst. As such, they tend to put DesCartes before DeHoorst.

    Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    Einstein on Divorce: "All things are relative. All relatives are things. My relatives took all my things."

    Two archaeologists are standing before a gigantic, fallen statue in the desert (See: "Ozymandias" by Percy Bysshe Shelley). One archaeologist says to the other "A great civilization must've made this." His colleague replies "But what brought them down?"

    Suddenly, the statue comes to life, rises and replies "I got knocked over."

    "Ah," responds the first scientist, "it only stands to reason."
  4. Dec 13, 2004 #3


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  5. Dec 13, 2004 #4
    Person 1: Wow, look at those carbon atoms. That molecule looks like a soccer ball. Is it full of air?
    2:no it's fullerene

    I just made that up. just now. two seconds ago
  6. Dec 13, 2004 #5
    yeah, made that one up, hours ago now. no one seems to have much to say about it though. made it from scratch. all by myself. yep
  7. Dec 13, 2004 #6


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    There, there, it's the effort that counts. :rofl:
  8. Dec 13, 2004 #7
    no, it's not the effort that counts. It's the number of votes at the end of the year
  9. Dec 13, 2004 #8


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    I bow down to you oh master of funniness. :rofl:
  10. Dec 15, 2004 #9
    maybe it needs a rewrite.
    PFer1:Wow, look at those carbon atoms. They are arranged in the shape of a soccer ball.
    PFer2:is it full of air?
    PFer1:No, It's fullerene.
    bah dum dum <cymbal>
  11. Dec 15, 2004 #10
    This one gets my nomination for worst joke I have ever heard. :rofl:
  12. Dec 15, 2004 #11


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    Ah, never underestimate the power of the cymbal for turning something humorous. :rofl:
  13. Dec 16, 2004 #12
    "What? Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic."
  14. Dec 17, 2004 #13
    I'm sure we've all heard this at some point in our love of physics, but since it's the season and all I think it's time we all got to read it again.

    Is There A Santa?
  15. Dec 17, 2004 #14
    As tribdog posted the joke he made here is the one I made,
    Q:Why did dracula go to the circus?
    A:to get the juggler(juglar?)select to see the Ans
    bah dum dum <cymbal>
  16. Dec 17, 2004 #15
    Q:Why didn't the physicist go to the circus?
    A:He sees enough clowns on Physics Forumsselect to see the Ans
    bah dum dum <cymbal>
  17. Dec 17, 2004 #16
    Why did MoonBear throw away her microscope the day after Thanksgiving?
    She heard that it was the busiest shopping day of the year and all the stores were having Big Cells.
  18. Dec 17, 2004 #17
    I'm sorry for that last joke. I make up all my own jokes, like the ones on page one, But I got this one out of an old copy of 1001 MoonBear jokes.
  19. Dec 17, 2004 #18
    I need to update my collection. I still have last year's 501 MoonBear jokes.
  20. Dec 17, 2004 #19
    Oh, you don't know what you're missing. I've got MoonBear's Knock Knock jokes, How many MoonBears does it take to..., Even More MoonBear Jokes, MoonBear's Dirty Limericks, and MoonBear sings Don Ho.
  21. Dec 17, 2004 #20


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    It must be late and I must be really, really, really tired. I just laughed at that. :tongue2: Thanks, I needed a little laughter tonight.

    It took me 20 min of going nuts thinking I'm starting to go blind in one eye because I could not get both oculars focused at the same time before I realized someone had an extra spacer in the ocular on one side but not the other. I'm not sure why it was there...it didn't have a lens in it and with it in place, the focal distance is too far off, so I couldn't focus at all through that ocular. Yesterday I had to clean every G-d damned lens on it, and someone got crud all over the condenser on another scope :grumpy:. I don't know what on earth the students are doing with them!

    Sorry, I know that's not funny, though I wish it was a joke. [/rant]
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