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Premarital Sex

  1. Jul 23, 2006 #1
    I'm really looking hard for one good reason not to do it. Does one exist?

    BTW, I'm 20.
     
  2. jcsd
  3. Jul 23, 2006 #2
    Fear of God's the most common one, but that requires a belief in said God. IMO, you should do it if you want to - as long as you know the risks involved and are willing to deal with the consequences.
     
  4. Jul 23, 2006 #3

    FredGarvin

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    I'm not a prude, but getting her pregnant.:eek:
     
  5. Jul 23, 2006 #4

    Kurdt

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    There are many successful ways of avoiding pregnancy. I think its up to you personally if you have no problem with it then fine if you do then fair enough. Personally there shouldn't really have to be a reason to justify it you are either comfortable with it or you are not. Perhaps the need to justify it tells you all you need to know?
     
  6. Jul 23, 2006 #5
    Does one exist?


    nope
     
  7. Jul 23, 2006 #6

    NoTime

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    Is it "Premarital Sex" if you have no intention of getting married?:tongue2:
     
  8. Jul 23, 2006 #7

    Moonbear

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    I was going to say fear of her father finding out, but that's usually the other big one. There's always a risk of pregnancy no matter how careful you are, so you and your partner should both discuss that risk in advance and decide how you would deal with it if it happened, and IF you're prepared to deal with it. For example, if you're opposed to abortion, and feel you're too young to have a baby (want to finish your university education first, perhaps), then it's best to wait. On the other hand, if you're at a point in your life where you're not really planning on having kids yet, but should one come along, you'd welcome it and figure out a way to raise it, then just be careful.

    Spreading STDs is another reason to be careful. Since you're asking the question, I'm assuming you do not have previous partners, but if your girlfriend has had other partners, then it's a worthwhile precaution to ask her to get tested for STDs to make sure she didn't pick up any from a previous partner before you do anything.

    The most important thing is that you discuss everything with your partner before jumping into bed together. It sounds unromantic, and to some extent, that's true, but if you're not able to talk about these things before your first time having sex, then it's better to wait until you can, because the biggest mistake would be waiting until AFTER you find out she's pregnant to talk about what you're going to do about it, or discovering you caught an STD because you didn't talk about it beforehand. Then again, there are people who are married who are not ready for having kids and don't have the level of relationship where they can discuss these things either. Unless you have a particular cultural or religious view that says otherwise, there's nothing magical about marriage that makes one more responsible than an unmarried couple to make these types of decisions.

    Regardless of whether you're married or not, be sure you're really ready for all the possible consequences, no matter how unlikely, and how careful you are. The other thing is that it IS going to change the level of your relationship. For most people, that's a good thing, and what they want, but again, be sure of that first. Once you've done it, there's no turning back and undoing it, so make sure neither of you is going to regret it or feel guilty over it later.

    Of course, there's one big question I have...why are you looking for a reason not to do it? If you need to find a reason not to do it, that by itself is a good reason.

    So, that's my motherly advice for the day. :wink:
     
  9. Jul 23, 2006 #8

    JasonRox

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    I think the most important thing is to do it respectfully and truthfully.

    Don't pretend to be someone you're not for a one night stand. Respect yourself and the person you are sleeping with. Do not mislead anyone.

    Also, trust the girl you would want to sleep with. This is important, especially with the risk of STD's. This is why I think one night stands are a no go. I've done it before, but with someone I knew very well so I trusted her in that sense. Yes, it does change things! If it's a girl you met for the first time, you certainly can't trust her yet. Trust must be earned.

    Anyways, I'm not into religion for answers so the concept of pre-marital sex kind of doesn't make sense. I think it's best to find answers rationally within yourself with good intentions. The definition of good must be answered on your own as well.

    I wouldn't put pregnancy as a big risk factor nor STD's because if you trust the girl and know her you will know whether or not she has STD's or has had lots of partners (word gets around) and whether or not she uses the birth control pill. After knowing this, you can make a better educated guess.

    I personally don't find sex to be as big as people make it out to be. It's a natural thing. The only thing is that you must not allow it to control your decisions and what not. Enjoy it as often as you want if you'd like.
     
  10. Jul 23, 2006 #9

    Pengwuino

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    Babies....

    :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

    I guess you can say its a lot easier to talk to your wife about checking for stds and what would happen if you got pregnant.

    And are you ready to support a child (and if you think she will stick to her word if she says she'd have an abortion, don't count on it because people can sometimes change their mind)?
     
  11. Jul 23, 2006 #10
    As was already said, there is always a chance of pregnancy unless one of you is infertile.
    It ranges from the "don't worry we know what to do in the heat of the moment" to "it was just an accident with the condom, or she forgot the pill".

    Anyway the point is that the consequences can be life altering.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2006
  12. Jul 23, 2006 #11

    Pengwuino

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    If you have any dignity that is...
     
  13. Jul 23, 2006 #12

    JasonRox

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    Don't let the fear of pregnancy scare you from having sex. That just makes no sense at all.

    That's like having your parents not letting you go on a plane because they aren't prepared to lose you in case of an accident.

    Don't focus on the 0.1%. Live life.
     
  14. Jul 23, 2006 #13

    Pengwuino

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    Where did i say i was scared about the 0.1%? :confused: :confused: I think he was looking for reasons against it, not an argument about whether or not to do it.
     
  15. Jul 23, 2006 #14

    JasonRox

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    Right there.

    Does your mom ask you, before going on a plane, "are you ready to die"?
     
  16. Jul 23, 2006 #15

    Pengwuino

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    No but if you're smart, you always realize the consequences one might face when doing something.

    He asked what the reasons are not to, i gave him a reason, i don't know what you're going on about.
     
  17. Jul 23, 2006 #16

    Danger

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    Will you be my mommy too? :shy:

    Of course, you won't be able to wean me with a crowbar...
     
  18. Jul 23, 2006 #17

    JasonRox

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    That's not a reason not to though.

    If people came up with reasons like that for everything, they wouldn't do anything.

    Can I go bike riding? ... Are you ready to break you arm?

    Can I go play hockey? ... Are you ready to break a leg?

    Can I go to Florida? ... Are you ready to die?

    Can I walk to Mike's house? ... Are you ready to get crushed by a car?

    See where I'm getting at?

    It seems like when it comes to sex people get paranoid, but not about other things even though the risks are probably higher.

    Do it safely and that's all you can do. If you aren't ready to do it, then don't do it. Don't let fear haunt your decisions because later you will regret it.
     
  19. Jul 23, 2006 #18

    Pengwuino

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    I think its a lot easier for guys to be so gung ho about having sex... women can't really run out of having a baby and i've never seen a woman who didn't have some lasting emotional problems after having an abortion.

    And Jason, i have a feeling you need to look up the definition of "reason". Being a reason against doing something doesn't mean it has to be only reason. You just need to realize its a longshot. I have a feeling the OP doesn't have a problem with balancing pro's and con's.

    If someone asks "Why should i take an airplane to Florida instead of taking a train?", a reason might be "the plane might crash". Does this explicitely mean that you're airplane is going to crash? No, unless you have some serious problems weighing options in your own mind.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2006
  20. Jul 23, 2006 #19

    JasonRox

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    It's funny you say that when it's usually the girls who want sex more.

    Don't get me wrong. Guys want sex, but girls want it more. They just control it better than guys do. That's what I find.
     
  21. Jul 23, 2006 #20
    The biggest issue is whether you're ready for committment. If the lady in question is offering herself, you need to question what she wants in return. Most often this is the pre-nuptial service which will hook into your heart.

    I did what you are looking to do at your precise age... married young & regretted it for 20 years...

    Be careful & wise. Better to look for a good-time-girl if you need to sow wild oats - with no committment...

    desA :devil:
     
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