Just got my prof's email. He says something about how swell my effort is... and that whatever I put for the answer will be fine, it's only enough to show effort. *grumble grumble* I hate the *effort* answers. This whole problem is a joke! It completely falls apart at the conditional stage. Anyway, I put some answers down, which are as close to resembling a good answer as one can get with such a squirrely problem. Moving on now. Thanks for the help and support ILS!
Edit: Oh god, I just realized I'll have to see this problem again. As if the 10 part initial question wasn't stupid enough, there is a subsequent 7 part question, and then even another three part question. Lame lame lame.