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Psychology of Lying

  1. Feb 7, 2005 #1
    Hello.. I recently caught my partner red handed cheating on me. We have been together for a long time and things were very messy for a while. A month later she realised what she had done was stupid etc... And she wanted to get back together. Obviously my first question after the break up was how many others were there. She answered 3 and has kept to that for the last month. We met for the first time the other week so I could ask her the questions face to face. When I asked her "how many others" to her face, I was consciously looking out for signs. I focused only on the eyes. I noticed after she had swore there were only 3, her eyes moved towards the upper right as she thought, then confirmed and assured me there were only 3. There were a couple of blinks in their too, but i dont think this meant anything. Does looking in the upper right mean anything? Was she accessing her long-term memory to think about it? or was she making up a lie? Shes had a month to make up her stories, which is why im hoping this will give some indication. How valid is all this looking in to the eyes thing? Thanks
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 10, 2005 #2
    Do you have kids together? Honestly, if I were in that situation I won't bother reading her eye movements. Actions speaks louder than words.
    I'd say goodbye, aloha and sayonara too!
  4. Feb 11, 2005 #3
    yea i agree. making up stories about what you did and telling the truth in this situation means nothing. still the same thing. she cheated. does it really matter how many?
  5. Feb 11, 2005 #4


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    Did her intonation suggest it was an answer or a question? I'm probably too proud, but one would be enough to convince me I deserve a better 'relationship'. A shallow, meaningless relationship has its advantages, so long as you don't get attached to it. The reason does not matter, the action does. Why would you want to live with someone who has betrayed you? It's probably your fault. Maybe you didn't treat her 'right'. Maybe you were insensitive to her 'needs'. Maybe you're not man enough to 'satisfy' her... or maybe she doesn't care about anyone but herself. Look for the obvious explanation. It's usually correct.
  6. Feb 11, 2005 #5
    Oh brother. That 'eye accessing cues' stuff is total BS when it comes to lie detection, and of very limited use in any other area. If you can dig out one vaguely scientific report on its successful use I'd love to see it. In any case, lie detection is no way to run a relationship or any sort of friendship. If she cheated on you 3 times, unless you are a masochist or in an open relationship keep her out of your life and try not to obsess about the exact number.
  7. Mar 7, 2005 #6
    lieing eyes yes
    Sounds like they need a bit more testing.

    I could always tell when my children were lieing, because I knew them so well. Each one was different though. One avoided my glance while being very quiet, the other looked dead into my eyes while putting his hands behind his back. Shhh don't tell them I know
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2005
  8. Mar 12, 2005 #7
    I learned in psych class that one side is accessing memory and one is imagination, but I forgot which is which (lol). I agree that its not very reliable though. One could imagine the lie ahead of time and then remember it. One can only imagine the same thing once, no? The next time would be remembering.

    I agree with the others: There is no SURE way to know if it was a lie, but it shouldnt matter in this case. A cheater is a cheater. She doesnt deserve your trust.
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