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Rant! (probably long)

  1. Oct 29, 2009 #1
    Well I'll start with that I have social issues. Social anxiety I guess they call it. I am "different" lol, lets say that. Yeah. *thumbs up*. Recently I have made big headway regarding this issue, but as I seem to be coming out on my own; I seem to notice things. I was pretty much quiet the majority of my life, popular, pretty good at sports and school was never hard except for that it was boring as hell at times. Slowly as I grew older I become more reclusive. I guess depressed. Let's call it a negative streak, When I anxiety escalated I need something to distract me so by age...I guess 22. I got a book on science fiction...robert sawyer, which discussed things like quantum mechanics and neurology, etc. I got hooked. Since I've been really hooked. I've always been interested in things, natural curiosity and imagination to drive it. I figured if I could understand the universe and everything in it than I would solve my problems. The more I understood the more I worked on increasing my knowledge and intelligence I saw the benefit so I hold it quite high.

    Today I have lost most of my gained weight, I am 5 times stronger from weightlifting and martial arts. I believe I increased my intellectual capacity, I have all the tools I want to succeed. While I was distracted this whole time I sort of ignored the rest of the world. Now that I am ready to sort of branch out and break free I look out and there are very few people I can barely relate with. Even the very few friends I have (mostly my choice) I can't even talk with them besides normal chit chat. I don't have any connection or any way to relate. People look at me like I am arrogant or something. I try to express to people intelligence only helps yourself or other survive and gives freedom. When used to make yourself feel better, it doesn't benefit you in anyway. Just a false sense of security.

    A large portion of people do not care about logic and reason, no desire to understand anything, and are content just to exist. Maybe it's more my desire not to be a slave to existence. Even if it's nonfactual. Which comes to my problem. For me to progress I have to be myself around people. That becomes very difficult because 1) I am already disadvantaged socially, 2) I can't relate to anyone around me. I could go out and seek people with similar mind sets but, that would reinforce my reclusive nature. So I either have to submit to my environment or go against it.

    The former I know will lead to unhappiness, and the latter I will be very difficult. I wish I was smarter so I could just become a scientist and lose myself in the world as an observer. Where I don't have to care about human beings at all. That's what I seem to lean towards. I just don't know anymore. It's like finding yourself and then finding out it's completely irrelevant. I've spent most my life trying to get it....now I am starring at a deserted path with nothing in sight. I know I am not leaving much to discuss but I was hoping someone out there has been in the same position or just get some opinions about it.

    p.s. sorry about the grammar and such, I seem to be oblivious to punctuation and spelling errors.

    p.s.2 As well I am not fragile so if you feel like digging into what I say I have no problem with that.I prefer brutal honesty, I think this situation requires it. However I will defend where I feel it is needed.
    Last edited: Oct 29, 2009
  2. jcsd
  3. Oct 29, 2009 #2


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    Count the number of times you used the word "I" in this rant and you'll see what the problem is.
  4. Oct 29, 2009 #3
    I feel this or I think that, is good self realization.
    They did this and they did that and that's the problem, It's them and not me, will seldom solve internal conflicts. IMO.

    Ask yourself some 'why' questions and some 'where' questions. As in why do I feel this and where did I learn this response that I do in situations.

    Be good, and if you can, take heart in the fact that others have felt the way you do.
  5. Oct 29, 2009 #4


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    Actually, you have another option: you can go to another environment. Sounds like you've made a lot of progress in the last few years, but things around you have stayed basically unchanged. Perhaps you've outgrown where you are now and it's time to move on.
  6. Oct 29, 2009 #5
    You said you have social anxiety? then shifted your rant towards morality and philosophy.

    Social anxiety is when people are afraid of approaching, and talking to other people. Is this what you have?
  7. Oct 29, 2009 #6


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    Virtuous: I think a lot of people, particularly males, suffer from the same problem, to a greater or lesser extent. However, many males don't have the problem because the solution is part of their nature.

    The problem is that a vast majority of your leisure/hobby activities are solitary. Part A of the solution is to find or make at least one hobby a social one.

    I can't stand sports but, if I had this life to do all over again, I think I would force myself to follow sports. It is an excellent place for social interaction. It breaks the ice, so to speak. But it doesn't have to be watching sports, that's just an obvious example.

    Part B of the solution is to find an activity where you are in the presence of others but your interaction is not solely dependent on topical conversation. Darts, cards, woodworking... anything where the activity takes the pressure off the purely intellectual interaction.

    - get a hobby that is
    1] social, and
    2] interactive in some way that is not primarily verbal.
  8. Oct 29, 2009 #7
    I have a similar issue. I do not enjoy small talk for the most part and have little interest in talking to most people. I often find myself doing a lot of smiling and nodding when talking to most people. Especially when they are talking about sports or cars.

    I do how ever enjoy many activities and subjects. They may be difficult to find but there are likely plenty of others that have similar interests whom you could spend time with and talk to. Considering your interest in science college would probably be the best place. If you can not afford college or have no interest in attending you can go to the bars and coffee houses near a college and probably find more educated people to talk to. There are also book clubs and chess clubs. If you enjoy chess (most of us geeky guys do) you may also be interested in a game called go. There is not as big a community for it as chess in most western countries but it could be an interesting new hobby. I personally enjoy shooting pool. It is often a good way to meet new people and make friends when out at a bar. And it is something to do! I hate just sitting around drinking and talking about nothing at bars.
  9. Oct 30, 2009 #8
    Ah, this happens and it happens often. I've seen it happen countless times when people who've retreated from the world suddenly become painfully aware why man is a social animal. Solitude works for some people but for the vast majority, it gets pretty lonely.

    The view of yourself as an lone Byronic hero above the masses of the unwashed and ignorant is an isolating viewpoint and the one you seem to hold, which explains your current situation. This moaning about how vapid and clueless other people seem to be only shows how immature your view of other people is. Yes, we live in a culture that isn't too interested in the things most people on this forum are interested in, but using that as a reason not to socialize with anyone is pretty stupid. MOST people don't care about science but you don't need to be friends with MOST people. A few will do nicely, I think you'll find.
  10. Oct 30, 2009 #9
    I can relate somewhat to what the OP is saying. I never had social anxiety, but it often does seem like it is easier for others to get pleasure from social interaction.

    To echo the sentiments of the other posters, I would say that you should not direct your frustration towards people in terms of feeling they are somehow inferior to you, as this wil ultimately be counterproductive to your ends. In a very real sense, perhaps these people who are enjoying their existence more have a greater wisdom then you do.

    For me personally, it is an ongoing challenge to find people who will "strike that chord" that makes them interesting to befriend. But I do know if I started out with the assumption that I was somehow better then everyone, it would make the task exponentially more difficult.
  11. Oct 30, 2009 #10


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    As lisab has indicated you can seek outa more attractive environment for yourself. That doesn't mean you have to abandon the friends you've already chosen either. I know in the UK the local library will have a list of local interest groups. Perhaps you can find one where you will be able to socialise with like minded people.
  12. Oct 30, 2009 #11
    Thanks dudes and dudettes.

    I guess I just got to find a place to fit in. I wish the world was more populated with you guys. I guess I have been slightly hard on generalizing people. I guess my flaw is because what I had to grow in, and things I have experienced, I gained the philosophy that I have to improve myself constantly or have drive to become better and better as much as possible to make up for my disadvantages, and I sort of project that and expect that from others. Which I don't think is totally a bad thing, but I shouldn't expect everyone to believe that as well and be willing to accept that.

    Most people here I believe are similar to me in respects to intellectual improvement and maintaining high standards for oneself. Which is something I respect highly. I don't look at people as being inferior in anyway, there are people far smarter and stronger than I am. For me it's more the effort one puts towards being a nicer, smarter, and stronger individual. I understand I have to acknowledge nature, I can't fight that, I know I am bound to my physical limitations, but I try to be more than just product of it. I think the ability to be self aware and the ability to understand gives us the a little power to evolve ourselves by our own will. Even if it's not physical, maybe emotionally, rationally, socially, politically, etc. It just seems like a few too many people are comfortable with their limitations of human beings, They are not willing to look at themselves and see the flaws to work on.

    I think I got to stop projecting my beliefs on others, and just look at the right places to get my fix lol. I just find the universe and everything in it to absolutely fascinating and surreal. I sometimes even have a hard time excepting that everything is happening. All these processes over time results in me here typing on this keyboard, expressing. Seeing a screen, looking at my hands, knowing that inside me is tons of other processes.

    The fact that we sort of know how it came to be this way but not totally understand why. Maybe why isn't important but to at least understand everything else, the how, the what, and the where. Then you weight that idea and thoughts over, Which celebrity is do what...It's just hard to escape that. The need to understand.

    lol I'll start with understanding myself and people first though. I'll get eventually. Thanks again for your opinions, much appreciated.


    Yes I have social anxiety...well not nearly as bad as before, The main issue I have is the physical aspect that gets to me. In front of people I get dizzy, increased heart rate, swearing, panic basically. With that comes with the the irrational thoughts that have been plastically created from childhood, and even though I know they are irrational in hindsight, but with all that going on in a specific instance, its hard to escape, and allowing it to stick around you validate the behaviour and it cycles with every social aspect that may come up.

    Like for example I meet someone, (I am very observant from this "disorder" I notice a lot). Do I shake hands? what if he/she is offended by it, what if I say their name wrong, is that facial expression mean anything, and these scenarios work because logically they can happen, probably as much as the sun exploding, but when you are in that situation of panic, it's better to assume it can be true, which is the vise I have to break. It's very hard to explain.

    I wouldn't change it for the world though, It's given me a lot of useful tools. I just got to work it out.
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2009
  13. Oct 30, 2009 #12


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    Dave and lisab gave the best advice.

    Move away for a bit. That can change your life in many ways.
  14. Oct 30, 2009 #13
    To add to this, there is a website called meetup.com where you can find "meetup groups" consisting of people in your area with similar interests that schedule events and are browsable by topic of interest.
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