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Rape, revisted

  1. Oct 31, 2007 #1
    First, I must say I feel mentally raped on this site. The obvious intellect of each thread, in addition to how thoughtful each post and response is truly intimidating, to say the least.

    I did stumble across this topic on rape and wanted to throw in my two cents, but also didn't want to jump on their question.

    I am a victim of rape, but did not know it until months after it occurred. I am male, closer to middle age than collage aged ,and heterosexual and agreed to video tape what I believed to be monogamous intimate moments with a female I lived with for about one year.

    I should fill in enough blanks to make sense, such as what physically happened as it would relate to my interpretation of the act of rape and I might as well add that I also consider myself to be a victim of aggravated sexual assault where the female I lived with, and one other individual who I was unaware of being involved, were the actors in those crimes.

    I will tell you that if those activities were not recorded on video, I would not have known they occurred, at least in theory. I have my suspicions as to what the intended purpose of recording them was in the first place, but for the moment, I wouldn't have discovered what happened, as well, I was not supposed to have those videos after it was all said and done either, but I do.

    What happened, between Feb. 2006 and Oct. 2006, and about two times each month in that window of time, the female I lived with was able to assist what was a guest to her, but stranger to me, into our bedroom and simultaneously engage in sexual activities with each person, me and the unknown actor. The rape situation not withstanding, for the other incidents, to me, when she would be engaging in a sex act with another individual at the same time she would with me, if I am deceived and lead to believe I am only with her, but not, that constitutes the aggravated sexual assault. I am in Texas and I will also say our statute seems vague as compared to the federal description of maritime criminal sex acts. In fact, it states that sexual assault occurs if; "the other person has not consented and the actor knows the other person is unaware that the sexual[0] assault[0] is occurring;" among other situations. In this situation, I consented to a sex act with a female, "a" meaning one. When that female introduces another into the mix, without my knowledge, and that person does not have to engage with me, only with her, I content I am engaging in a sex act I have not agreed to. I would also share that I would not have consented with it had I been asked ahead of time either. But that really shouldn't be a consideration, as in this case, I was not afforded the opportunity to say yes or no. So, in a sense, one might compare what happened to me being drugged, or asleep, or whatever rapist do in order to take advantage of their victim. The means is not really mentioned in any statue I have read, it is referenced sometimes as an example, such as with the use of drugs, but the end result is what seems to be important, and I concur and will explain below.

    Please consider the point and not the how part of this or I'll loose you. I believe I have discovered a forum that may have the ability to consider something based on an assumption. In this situation, I will agree, it is first hard to understand, then even believe. I will also admit that one year ago today I would probably tell you such a thing could never happen to me, but it did, and the evidence of it occurring is video tape. I don't mind providing some details about that on another thread if it would be of interest, but my focus on this post is about the interpretation and if I can work it in, the cause and effect of sexual offenses.

    Regarding the cause and effect of a crime against a person. The thread I linked to brought up how it may effect one's livelihood. My situation is a bit of an anomaly for more than one reason, such as how and when I discovered it. Let's say, for example, I did not have those tapes, and that a miracle happened and that female suddenly became honest and never posted her nefarious activities on any web site, which essentially would mean I never found out. I would not be mentally ill at this time due any cause, I know that. And although I haven't been diagnosed as such, as a reasonable individual and one who believes I am able to recognize differences in my personality when tragic events such as those take place, I can safely say I am ill to some degree. I also have Dr. Laura to thank for helping me realize that is a very misunderstood term. So, no harm no foul? That's a tough one. I have a brother who has a elementary aged daughter who I posed this situation to, of course he is privy to it, but at one point, that was his response, what you don't know won't hurt you. He even went on to suggest I am foolish for wanting justice, or to continue on with whatever would be considered not to be letting go of a tragic situation. Obviously I'm not the quickest wit in the land, so after giving that some thought I know he wouldn't feel or say the same thing if his, or even my own daughters, his nieces, were ever offended in a similar fashion.

    I guess my point to that last rambling paragraph is to say, I'm deeply affected and one might compare why I am to what a hacker might be able to do once there are ones and zeros being computed upstairs. I'm not just upset, I do not see past finding justice for those who offended me. In other words, I am in a turbo charged blue screen mode that I see no end to. It's really much more complicated, or there are other facets about this situation that complicate, or legally speaking, pervert this situation. But the underlying act, the sexual offenses, are as I state them to be, and even though I was not dragged out of some speak easy by a bunch of thugs with baseball bats and physically beaten up and sodomized, I would say I might would choose that over what did happen. At least the victim in that scenario saw his offenders and understood what was happening when it was happening. But I am also biased, so there is a number by which to divide that suggestion with, and I realize that.

    Any responses are welcome. I'm also of the opinion this has probably not happened to many people before. That being another human maneuvering in a stealth manor into someone's bedroom and not getting caught over that period of time and a couple of times every month. Realizing the only group in the USA that receives any professional training on that is the one group I would report this to, clouds this even further.
  2. jcsd
  3. Oct 31, 2007 #2


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    It's really difficult to understand what actually happened. Are you saying that you agreed to videotape you and your partner having sex, but your partner brought in another person? I don't see how you compare this being drugged and raped, since clearly you had the opportunity to say no; as soon as this person came into the room, if you were not comfortable, you could easily stop this from happening. Perhaps you could give a more lucid explanation of the situation?
  4. Oct 31, 2007 #3


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    I can't tell from your post if your partner at the time brought in a second person to join you, or if you just found out she cheated on you when you weren't there. Either way, it's not rape. If you consented to a threesome, it's regret, not rape. If she cheated on you, that's not rape, that's cheating.
  5. Oct 31, 2007 #4
    If you feel that a crime has been committed talk to a lawyer and the police. They are the only ones who can determine if your claim has merit.

    A suggestion though, you are going to have to be much more specific and graphic about what happened. Other than the fact you feel bad about what happened, I don't really have any idea what actually occurred based on your description.

    Being lied to doesn't make it rape. Not having full knowledge of a situation doesn't make it rape. People lie and misrepresent themselves to get sex all the time. It may not be a nice thing to do, but its generally not a crime to be an A-hole.
  6. Oct 31, 2007 #5


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    Last edited: Dec 26, 2009
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