Is Your Dating Life in Need of a Reality Check?

[0TheSwerve0]

Funny and possibly on to something

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/dating-advice_reality-check" for guys in their 20's.

 

[JasonRox]

Raise your standards -- having a shadow doesn't mean she's perfect for you

Best advice some guys need. I say some guys because you'll understand in a second.

There are lots of good guys out there, but their standards are low from what I see. They end up staying single because of this. You're valuable, so raise your darn standards. If your standards are low, then this kind of rubs off wrong on other girls and they tend to see you as less valueable. Now you understand why I say "some guys" because not all are good.

Also, when I say raising standards, I don't mean "looks", but it does play a role and there is no denying that. So, don't get confused. So, basically, go for someone valueable literally. Someone valueable for you. If she's hot and she's a *****, she brings no value and other girls know that, so that doesn't help in the projecting value department, which in turn makes it harder to find someone valueable for you.

 

[SticksandStones]

Best advice some guys need. I say some guys because you'll understand in a second.

There are lots of good guys out there, but their standards are low from what I see. They end up staying single because of this. You're valuable, so raise your darn standards. If your standards are low, then this kind of rubs off wrong on other girls and they tend to see you as less valueable. Now you understand why I say "some guys" because not all are good.

Also, when I say raising standards, I don't mean "looks", but it does play a role and there is no denying that. So, don't get confused. So, basically, go for someone valueable literally. Someone valueable for you. If she's hot and she's a *****, she brings no value and other girls know that, so that doesn't help in the projecting value department, which in turn makes it harder to find someone valueable for you.

By Jason Ryan Dorsey

Admit it, you wrote the article.

Overall I agree with the article. Why go for people who aren't worthy of you?

 

[Crosson]

This article is deeply entrenched in a (marriage <=> love) bias.

Another way to view men who behave this way is that they are practical. Even the best long term relationships are a product of base-level combatibility and willingness to work at it. Initial attraction and picking "just the right one" have much less to do with it.

That said, I agree with the advice in the article, women don't seem to like it if you seem to choose them to easily.

 

[0TheSwerve0]

Also, don't be so needy. That other person isn't there just to "complete you." Kinda freaks a girl out to see that kind of desperation.

 

[light_bulb]

some girls try to take what they want ,thiers nothing wrong with stepping up your game for a guy just don't asumme you already got it like that. a level head and bubbley personality with get you everywhere, most guys who think with the top brain can see right through any put-ons.

 

[Moonbear]

Best advice some guys need. I say some guys because you'll understand in a second.

There are lots of good guys out there, but their standards are low from what I see. They end up staying single because of this. You're valuable, so raise your darn standards. If your standards are low, then this kind of rubs off wrong on other girls and they tend to see you as less valueable. Now you understand why I say "some guys" because not all are good.

Well, I generally agree with you, but not about why it's a bad thing. It's not about what other women see, but more that if you're continuously occupied with chasing after someone just for her looks, or just because she's single and you are too, then you're likely to be busy paying attention to her when the one who might actually be compatible with you walks past and keeps on going and you never even noticed. So, figure out what you want, then go for it. Afterall, some guys do just want a series of pretty women to be seen with, and aren't interested in a relationship, and if that's the goal, that's what you'll get. But, if you are ready to start seeking a relationship, you need to know what is compatible with you and seek that.

But, the article refers mostly to a subset of guys who are pathetically clingy. No, you will not be in love after the first date, and anyone who thinks so and leaves 40 phone messages asking why the woman isn't answering is needy, and well, pathetic.

I don't agree with the advice to wait a few days after a date either. Just don't call repeatedly. Otherwise, you risk falling into that other set of guys who leave the woman hanging, assuming they aren't interested since they didn't bother calling back. Call once and let her know you enjoyed the date. Believe it or not, women aren't stupid, we don't need to be told that 40 times, we can be told once, and if the sentiment is shared, the call will be returned if you had to leave a message, because, yes, it's also a myth that we sit next to the phone all day just waiting for you to call (that's what voicemail is for).

 

[TuviaDaCat]

wtf? is seems that this article is referring to anyone in his 20's, while talking about needy people... the people he described are sick, not ordinary man in his 20's.

im not american, yet i find it hard to believe that it is all that different from here...(besides, i learned a whole lot about americans through the sitcom "married... with children")

 

[JasonRox]

Well, I generally agree with you, but not about why it's a bad thing. It's not about what other women see, but more that if you're continuously occupied with chasing after someone just for her looks,

I never said anything about women seeing looks. Where did you get that? Girls who see guys with good looking girls don't necessarily see value, and I didn't imply that either. You can see a guy with a flat out ugly girl, but because of his character and his presence with the girl, you can really feel the vibe coming from such a person.

Also, he talk about clingy people yeah. People with low standards tend to get clingy because they're clinging to anyone which means you have no standards when it comes to picking someone to cling to. Also, part of raising standards is basically figuring out what you want, like you said. You can't raise standards based on nothing. So, it's based on what you want. For some guys, they only want hot girls. I don't disrespect that and I don't think anyone should. But realistically, it has to go deeper than that for value to actually "show". Being with a hot girl doesn't really necessarily display good character or good person. For example, Donald Trump, not a good character in my opinion and he has an attractive wife. Anyways, again like you said, figure out what you want in a girl and for yourself.

If you love sex, then find a girl who loves sex. This is a bigger issue than people think. These guys he's talking are guys who cling to anything. So if a guy loves sex and clings to a girl who does not, we all no the long term side effects to that one. If you don't particularly like monogamy for various reasons other than sex, that's fine too. Just don't go out and find a strict monogamous girl. That's just stupid.

If you love to watch sports, and you would love to share that with someone, find a girl who would love to watch sports.

It's not that hard. I'm in my early 20's and I can tell that this is a big issue. Guys just go for anything literally. Usually, they get laid and attached and sometimes the attachment is much stronger than what the girl gets. Also, I noticed guys aren't that good with dealing with rejection. Girls are pretty good at this even though it's quite popular to see the sad emotions of a girl being dumped. Believe it or not, girls handle it way better than most guys.

I know girls in the 20's have the same issue as well. It's basically similar to what article was talking about. Figuring out what they want. So, it's not a girls are complicated thing. It's more of a you-can't-find-an-answer-to-the-question-of-what-do-they-want-because-there-is-no-solution-so-find-a-girl-that-has-a-solution-to-the-question. Basically, find someone who knows what they want. Same applies to guys.

Of course, I'm just talking in a opinionated matter, and so is the article. We're talking about experiences among friends.

If I had to guess where this problem comes from, I would say it comes from a lazy ass society. The new generations Teen's to 20's, although Teen's might having bigger problems later on. I think the problem is that we (including me) grew up getting what we want (I'm not spoiled, but spoiled enough although no one considers that I'm spoiled.) Because of this, we never actually got to stop and think about what we actually want! We're so used to getting everything rather than asking ourselves what we want, and choosing accordingly because when you're not spoiled, it's not a common sight to get what you want so you want to make sure it's something really good to you. So, basically I see it as a bunch of 20 years old running around mentally immature when it comes to relationships.

Note: Sad part is that it seems to be rubbing off into older generations because they seem to enjoy the lifestyle they created for us. Although I see lots dissing the younger generation, sometimes it only takes minutes for them to contradict themselves!

We're so used to looking around at what other people have and thinking if they want that, then I want that too. Without even thinking about themselves. If there is anything the new generation is lacking, is good leaders. We have leaders, but they're scarce.

Note: I, myself, is still in process of determining what I want. Again, I consider myself ahead of most of us 20-somethings because I'm aware of the supposed problem.

 

[Moonbear]

wtf? is seems that this article is referring to anyone in his 20's, while talking about needy people... the people he described are sick, not ordinary man in his 20's.

Agreed. Perhaps the author should raise his standards for whom he chooses as friends if that's common among his friends, huh?

 

[JasonRox]

Agreed. Perhaps the author should raise his standards for whom he chooses as friends if that's common among his friends, huh?

Personally, I don't if you're serious, but I agree with that.

 

[Crosson]

No, you will not be in love after the first date, and anyone who thinks so and leaves 40 phone messages asking why the woman isn't answering is needy, and well, pathetic.

Obviously that woman doesn't feel the same way, and that's sad, but don't call a guy pathetic just because he knows what he wants.

What I think is pathetic are the people who don't know what they want, and date for a while and then give up, because they still don't know what they want.

Another thing that is pathetic is not returning one of the forty calls to say "This isn't right for us", probably because the partner being called doesn't know what they want!

Another thing that is pathetic is pretending to be less interested in someone then you really are, playing it "cool". Life is too short to be phoney.

 

[Moonbear]

I never said anything about women seeing looks. Where did you get that? Girls who see guys with good looking girls don't necessarily see value, and I didn't imply that either. You can see a guy with a flat out ugly girl, but because of his character and his presence with the girl, you can really feel the vibe coming from such a person.

I'm not sure if I'm not understanding your point, or you're not understanding mine, because I'm not sure how what you just said here is any different than what I thought you said the first time, or how it would suggest I've misinterpreted your first post. You still seem to be talking about this from a perspective of how the guy appears to other women, not about what I was saying, that it's not what the other women see, but that he's not looking if he's too occupied with clinging to the first thing that walks by in a skirt. I didn't say it was about appearances either (though, that was the example I used, if that's where the confusion comes from...the same could hold true for a guy who meets someone and gloms on because she was just willing to say "hi" to him, and he took that to mean a whole lot more than just "hi.")

Anyway, the bottom line that we all seem to agree upon is that this article is primarily discussing only a group of men, which really aren't limited to those in their 20's, who are desperate and needy. It seems more to reflect the author's inexperience than anything else (not necessarily inexperience with women, but inexperience in recognizing this is not a generational problem, nor something that afflicts all men).

 

[Moonbear]

Obviously that woman doesn't feel the same way, and that's sad, but don't call a guy pathetic just because he knows what he wants.

Um, no, it is pathetic. It shows that he has no social skills whatsoever.

Another thing that is pathetic is not returning one of the forty calls to say "This isn't right for us", probably because the partner being called doesn't know what they want!

Um, again, no. If I came home to 40 messages from a guy the day after I went on a first date, I wouldn't want to call back either. I might even be tempted to block his number. That's just weird, and deserves the lack of response it gets. If it was one or two messages, then yes, that deserves a response of some kind, but calling incessantly signals "insane," "possessive," "maladjusted," "psycho," "may require a restraining order in the future," and the only response beyond silence that it might elicit would be, "You're nuts! Stop calling me!"

Another thing that is pathetic is pretending to be less interested in someone then you really are, playing it "cool". Life is too short to be phoney.

And that's not what the article touches upon at all. I agree, though, that that would be pathetic. It relates to my comment about the advice given to wait a few days. There's no need to do that. If you were genuinely interested, a call the next day, or message of some sort is a good idea, just don't call incessantly when she's not home to respond immediately. (And this goes for both sexes...if a woman is interested, you don't need to sit around waiting for the guy to call you, you can just pick up the phone yourself and call him).

 

[JasonRox]

Another thing that is pathetic is pretending to be less interested in someone then you really are, playing it "cool". Life is too short to be phoney.

Yes, but people don't always do that.

My friend does the same thing. If I were single, I would too. But you're describing it in the wrong way.

It's because we might be interested in you, but not know enough yet, so we don't just jump in and be direct but it is obvious. If the girl can't read that, I'd probably lose interests. Also, it's not playing "cool" but just living my life. Just because you can so happen be interested in someone does not mean it has to stop. Just basically, keeping it cool and chilling while living.

So, why does it work when it comes to girls? It shows value which is how I like to describe things. You have a valuable life and it will take more than mere interest in a girl to go and check it out. For example, a your friend introduces you to a hot girl that is single. Typical reaction of a guy meeting a hot girl is try to leave an impression. Smile, blush, and etc... What should you do? Play it cool as if she's just some other person although you do have interests (she's hot). Like I said earlier, play it cool until you know more. So, the hot girl sees that you did not give her any "value" yet, but she wants some now! She's so use to getting it!

 

[JasonRox]

I'm not sure if I'm not understanding your point, or you're not understanding mine, because I'm not sure how what you just said here is any different than what I thought you said the first time, or how it would suggest I've misinterpreted your first post. You still seem to be talking about this from a perspective of how the guy appears to other women, not about what I was saying, that it's not what the other women see, but that he's not looking if he's too occupied with clinging to the first thing that walks by in a skirt. I didn't say it was about appearances either (though, that was the example I used, if that's where the confusion comes from...the same could hold true for a guy who meets someone and gloms on because she was just willing to say "hi" to him, and he took that to mean a whole lot more than just "hi.")

Anyway, the bottom line that we all seem to agree upon is that this article is primarily discussing only a group of men, which really aren't limited to those in their 20's, who are desperate and needy. It seems more to reflect the author's inexperience than anything else (not necessarily inexperience with women, but inexperience in recognizing this is not a generational problem, nor something that afflicts all men).

Misunderstanding probably.

 

[light_bulb]

lol, i tell girls with crazy notions to hit the road, last thing you need in your life is wack job whether your a boy or girl. :tongue2:

how do you separate:

lust
infatuation
need/cling

from all the physiological baggage that come with them to move on to something real? i got my own methods, i'd say common sense even though the game doesn't seem to have much. someone once told me to just be happy to settle for a girl you can stand! i'll be damned :grumpy: thanks for the advice, but i think i'll do it my way :!)

 

[Beeza]

Men that behave the way as described in the article have a lot more to worry about than fitting into the dating scene. To me it sounds more like these are people just getting out of a serious relationship-- in which case it is important to get the rebound out of the way as quickly as possible!:!)

 

[JasonRox]

Men that behave the way as described in the article have a lot more to worry about than fitting into the dating scene. To me it sounds more like these are people just getting out of a serious relationship-- in which case it is important to get the rebound out of the way as quickly as possible!:!)

Yeah, but then once they get that rebound, they treat the one week relationship as a serious relationship, so when that falls apart, they're a on rebound and a again! And the vicious cycle continues!

 

[light_bulb]

unless some honesty is used.

"btw, i can tell you the secrets of the universe"

 

[turbo]

Advice from an old guy. My best friend in college was a wonderful lady. Her father was a professor at Harvard and she was romantically involved with a student there. She was beautiful, funny, blond, and 'way taller than me with legs up to "there". We shared a love of music and poetry and a casual laid-back attitude toward social life at school. We spent LOTS of our spare time together and in fact were pretty inseparable, meeting between classes, eating meals together and spending evenings in my room or hers. She watched my back and introduced me to women that she liked and thought that I would like, and I made sure that she got exposure to the people on the "inside" the music scene on campus and to people in the philosophy and English lit departments that I thought were interesting. I probably passed on some pretty incredible women because I made the mistake of comparing them to her. If you're a guy and you can't make friends with women, you are missing out on some real opportunities. Guys with no close women friends are kind of crippled. After college, I made sure to avoid being a "guy's guy" and made friends with my friends' wives and GFs. It worked.

 

[JasonRox]

Advice from an old guy. My best friend in college was a wonderful lady. Her father was a professor at Harvard and she was romantically involved with a student there. She was beautiful, funny, blond, and 'way taller than me with legs up to "there". We shared a love of music and poetry and a casual laid-back attitude toward social life at school. We spent LOTS of our spare time together and in fact were pretty inseparable, meeting between classes, eating meals together and spending evenings in my room or hers. She watched my back and introduced me to women that she liked and thought that I would like, and I made sure that she got exposure to the people on the "inside" the music scene on campus and to people in the philosophy and English lit departments that I thought were interesting. I probably passed on some pretty incredible women because I made the mistake of comparing them to her. If you're a guy and you can't make friends with women, you are missing out on some real opportunities. Guys with no close women friends are kind of crippled. After college, I made sure to avoid being a "guy's guy" and make friends with my friends' wives and GFs. It worked.

I totally agree. Being friends with girls not only helps on the inside, but helps in the sense that you know how to actually communicate with girls and not cripple up in a sense.