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Relationship & dating 'rules'.

  1. Jul 25, 2005 #1

    matthyaouw

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    Ok, I've been noticing recently that there seems to be a lot of superficiality in relationships and dating. A while ago, a friend was telling me how with some women, you can be on dodgy ground by saying "you look good in that" because apparently that implies that they don't look good normally, and so the only safe way to complement their attire is to say "that looks good on you". And then of course there is the dreaded "Does this make my bum look big?"...

    So, what do you expect from a person you date? Should the man pay, and hold doors? How will you react if he doesn't? Will you call a guy/girl back if say, their table manners are not perfect (sorry Evo)? On what grounds have you turned someone down (or been turned down) aside from their personality?

    Has anyone actually said "well actually, yeah it does look a bit big in that dress" to a girl, or had it said to you? Do tell me what happened.
     
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  3. Jul 25, 2005 #2

    FredGarvin

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    This is unavoidable, especially in younger age groups. Priorities change with age. Dating, for me, was monumentally easier when I was approaching 30.

    Those are the psychotic ones. If a woman has an issue with you complimenting her, try to correct her/explain it to her once. If she keeps reading way too much into your compliments, move on.

    Absolutely. Good manners is never a bad thing. If she would like to pick up a tab, let her do it occasionally after you have been together for a while.

    I stopped dating a woman after 2 dates because she was a very loud talker in the movie theater. I took that as a sign that she was self-absorbed. I ended up being right (in my opinion anyways).

    I did. Once. I woke up three days later.
     
  4. Jul 25, 2005 #3

    Mk

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    What about the homosexual? What kind of rules do they have?
     
  5. Jul 25, 2005 #4

    brewnog

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    Conversation between a couple I know:


    Her: "Does my bum look big in this?"
    Him: "Bigger than usual, yeah. It looks good!"
    Her: "Ooh, okay!"


    They're still together, and argue on an hourly basis, but always make up.
     
  6. Jul 25, 2005 #5
    I KNEW someone was tapping my phone lines!
     
  7. Jul 25, 2005 #6
    on the manners thing, it isn't really expected. i went out with a person that i had been friends with long ago, and she said i was one of the few people left with manners. it wasn't anything big, just open doors, pay for activitys and food, and stuff like that.
     
  8. Jul 25, 2005 #7

    honestrosewater

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    Not all women want the man to pay, open their doors, etc. If you go to open your date's door and they say it isn't necessary, then it isn't necessary. If you don't know how someone wants to be treated, you can just ask.
    You: Can I get the door for you?
    Them: Yes, please -or- No, thank you.
    What's so difficult about that? :confused:
     
  9. Jul 25, 2005 #8

    brewnog

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    I've never seen why a man should be expected to pay on a date.

    I've always split the bill, or bought dinner if she bought cinema and drinks, kinda thing. When the other one's particularly poor at the time, I'll pay, and if I'm particularly poor at the time, I'll let her pay.


    Then again, that's possibly why I'm currently single.
     
  10. Jul 25, 2005 #9
    Yeah Women do not want to be treated equally, they want to feel special! A while back when I was sitting outside of a red lobster, this girl stood in front of me waiting for her boyfriend, who was getting his/their car. Well, when the guy drove up, he did that lean over and push the door open thing (without getting out of the car), well when the girl got in she said, "thanks for getting out and opening the door for me." in a grumpy tone. I just sat there and laughed secretly to myself.
     
  11. Jul 25, 2005 #10

    brewnog

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    Sorry, I'd missed something until now. I'd thought that we were talking about holding a door open for a girl. This is just politness, I'll hold a door open for anyone. But if you're in a car, can't a girl open a fegging door for herself?!

    I think I'd just laugh at anyone who expected me to open a car door for them.


    But again, this is possibly why I'm single...





    Beginning to feel like I'm not nearly as nice as I thought I was!
     
  12. Jul 25, 2005 #11

    matthyaouw

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    Well you know, discrimination is a terrible thing, unless it works in your favour.
     
  13. Jul 25, 2005 #12
    Then again there's that new wave of girls who will resent any action to try to make them 'special' and will make a special point out of opening a door for themselves if you try to do it for them.
     
  14. Jul 25, 2005 #13

    brewnog

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    This is a 'new wave'?! I think this thing has been happening over here for the past 30 years! :smile:
     
  15. Jul 25, 2005 #14

    Tom Mattson

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    What's so difficult about it is that the typical specimen from the female species (Lat: homo sapien paininthearse) rarely, if ever, means what she says. And very few of them respect a two-valued logic, whereby statements are either "true" or "false" (present company excluded, of course o:) ). Specimens typically act as though some third option exists, wherein statements can be simultaneously true and false, or whatever they need to be so that the man is wrong.
     
  16. Jul 25, 2005 #15

    FredGarvin

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    Along the lines of what Tom said, you have to not only ask and get a reply, but you have to interpret how that question and answer makes them feel and how they feel about the door being opened for them. The two are not necessisarily going to coincide. Quantum mechanics is easier to understand.
     
  17. Jul 25, 2005 #16

    matthyaouw

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    In some situations perhaps, but I'm not sure it would be appropriate to ask all the time. Eg "does my bum look big in this?" "Would you like honesty, or support dear?"
     
  18. Jul 25, 2005 #17

    honestrosewater

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    Well, I feel for you guys. I get on my mom's case when she complains that some guy didn't offer to pick her up at her house or buy her drinks or something, yet at the same time, she complains about not being treated as an equal in other respects. I thought maybe she was just weird (well, she is weird (but I still love you, mom)). Still, not all women behave this way.
     
  19. Jul 25, 2005 #18

    matthyaouw

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    True, not all women are like that, and I hope I've not given off the impression that I think they are.
     
  20. Jul 25, 2005 #19

    Math Is Hard

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    :rofl:

    Do you have these suicidal impulses often or was that just an isolated incident?
     
  21. Jul 25, 2005 #20

    Tom Mattson

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    Just to really bring the point home, let me tell you about a date I had with a woman. It was a first and last date, all rolled up into one lousy evening.

    We were talking one day about music. My favorite thing to do is go catch a really good live band in a local club. She indicated that she would be interested in seeing a show with me, so I invited her to go see my favorite band with me. I told her that the show starts at 10:30, and I asked her if she could be at my apartment by 10:00 (the show was near my place) so that we could go and get a good spot.

    Well, she gets to my place at 11:30, just in time for us to arrive for the first set break. Then not 3 songs into the second set she says she wants to leave. Here's how the dialog went.

    Her: "I'd like to get out of here."
    Me: "OK, I'm going to stay for the rest of the show, but I'll walk you to your car."
    Her: "Oh no, you don't have to."
    Me: "I know I don't have to. I want to." o:)
    Her: "No, that's fine. It isn't necessary."
    Me: "OK, good night."
    Her: "Good night."

    I'd have thought that that was the end of it, but her best friend was the girlfriend of my best friend (they were hoping we would hit it off) and the following exchange got back to me.

    Friend: "Did you have a nice time with Tom?"
    Her: "It was OK. The club was really loud."
    Friend: "But did you like him?"
    Her: "Well..."
    Friend: "Well...?"
    Her: "He was nice, but I left before him and he didn't even walk me to my car."
    Friend: "He just let you leave by yourself?!"
    Her: "Yes."
    Friend: "Oh no he didn't!" (imagine the pitch getting more ghetto-fied as the conversation progresses)
    Her: "Oh yes he did!"
    Friend: "Girlfriend, you got ta let him know what's what. Drop the 411 on him about how to treat a lady and (expletive deleted)."

    THAT'S more like a realistic dialog.
     
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