REU Personal Statement Critique

[mbeehler]

Hi all,
I'm new to this site and have seen related discussions, so here goes. I haven't done research before, but I really would like to get into an REU this summer and I am applying to many. I would like constructive criticism on the rough draft of my personal statement please. Thanks in advance!

I have always worked hard academically solely for the purpose of achieving good grades. However, when I took AP Chemistry in high school, I learned that when a subject truly interests you, it does not feel like work to study- it is enjoyable and leaves one constantly wanting to know more. My experiences in high school and college thus far have confirmed that research and graduate school may very well be future career paths for me.

Currently, I am a sophomore chemistry major with a biology minor at ___ College. ___ is a small liberal arts school, and it requires you to take courses outside of your major to further one’s education. While I did enjoy learning about other subjects, none of them grabbed my attention like thermodynamics in chemistry, or the process of cell signaling in biology. I am currently enrolled in organic chemistry II and genetics. I have completed calculus I, two semesters of general chemistry and general biology, one semester of cell biology, and one semester of organic chemistry. I was part of a program called APPLE as a student mentor for mixed sciences. I was able to aid underrepresented high school students with their science coursework and encourage them to enter the STEM field. I am a member of the local ACS (American Chemical Society) chapter at my college, where we promote the importance of chemistry careers upon completion of undergraduate studies, or further encouragement to continue chemistry studies in graduate school. These experiences have helped me gain leadership skills and the ability to communicate effectively with diverse groups of people. I was inducted into Chi Beta Phi, a national math and science honor society due to a high grade point average in my math and science classes, proving my dedication to my studies. Although I have no prior research experience, I believe I have gained valuable skills from my cell biology lab last semester. A few of these are things such as working with multiple classmates on the same project, using procedures such as gel electrophoresis and Western blotting, and even writing a scientific paper at the conclusion of the semester.

While I thoroughly enjoy the academic challenges of a small liberal arts school, it does have a glaring disadvantage: the lack of research opportunities. Being an American Indian woman, I aim to increase diversity of women in research. Without question, I plan on furthering my education after undergraduate school. In past summers, I have kept busy with managing at a restaurant, taking additional classes, and volunteering with Autism Speaks. This year, I want to focus on something that interests me enough to potentially become a career for me. Although my father did not complete college and my mother practices law, I aspire to be the first in my family with a career pertaining to science. Problem solving and thinking critically are skills that ___ has given me through the past year and a half of undergraduate, but I want to be able to use these skills in a professional, real-world context. I believe ____’s REU will give me the opportunity to apply the knowledge I have gained from the classrooms, and perhaps even narrow my interest to help have an idea of what specifically I may to study in the future. It will push me out of my comfort zone to attempt research having never been a part of it before, but the sooner I start, the more comfortable and acclimated I will become.

Overall, being given the opportunity to study in a lab and solve problems with fellow undergraduates is very exciting for me. Not only do I want to find an answer to a problem, but I want to know why that answer works and why others did not. As shown by my commitment to courses and my extracurricular activities, my work ethic can prove to be a valuable asset to the research team. Not only will this REU will give me hands-on experience with aspects of (chemistry/biology) that I will become engrossed in, but it also gives me the opportunity to travel outside my small college town. I am confident that this REU will be an invaluable experience and a vital part of helping me settle on a future career.

 

[Stephen Tashi]

If we use the guidance at http://www.mdsg.umd.edu/reu/how-write-personal-statement as an example, your application is not well organized and it is not concise.

I suggest you begin with a "topic sentences" stating which particular program REU program you are applying for and introducing yourself as a sophomore at ___ College. ___ majoring in chemistry with a minor in biology.

Using separate paragraphs to cover the following topics: State which scientific topics interest you. Explain your career goals. State what courses you have taken. State the academic activities you participated in. Tell the non-academic aspects of your background. Explain what you expect to enjoy or learn from participating in the REU.

Don't provide unnecessary descriptions.. For example, unless your college is very obscure it is unnecessary to say " is a small liberal arts school, and it requires you to take courses outside of your major to further one’s education.". It is unnecessary to describe the ACS by saying "where we promote the importance of chemistry careers upon completion of undergraduate studies, or further encouragement to continue chemistry studies in graduate school.". Presumably, if the application is evaluated by someone in academia, they will already know about the ACS

The APPLE program may not be well known so you may describe it. If you think Chi Beta Phi is not well known then you may say "I was inducted into Chi Beta Phi, a national math and science honor society". It's unnecessary to say "due to a high grade point average in my math and science classes" - after all, what else would get you into a math and science honor society? It's unnecessary and immodest to say " proving my dedication to my studies".

The paragraph that begins "While I thoroughly enjoy the academic challenges of a small liberal arts school " contains much interesting information, but it's a mix of different topics. It contains career goals, non-academic background information, and expected benefits from participating in the REU. Keep the information but put it in different places.

You get bonus points for not using the overworked word "passion".

 

[Fervent Freyja]

Framework:
-5 short paragraphs
-The first and last paragraphs only a few sentences and should be equal in length
-In the first paragraph introduce yourself, your college and major briefly, where you are from, and an attention grabbing sentence that demonstrates your passion to end.
-The 3 middle paragraphs need to be you arguing to them why you could be a great candidate. What can you do for them. What it will do for you. And why you are personally eager to do more. Why is it important for you to begin with? Remove specific courses, mention only the topics. List only a few of your best accomplishments. Keep pronouns to a minimum and never refer to the reader as "you" as it may come off as rude. Be respectful but not patronizing to the reader.
-In the last paragraph, you did well, condense it further.

I would personally not point out I was an ethnic woman.

 

[Dishsoap]

I would personally not point out I was an ethnic woman.

The rest of your points are good ones, but I'm not certain about this one. I agree that she shouldn't have to, but the reality is that many REUs have a preference for minorities.