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Roommate attraction

  1. Oct 6, 2006 #1

    I recently moved from a house with two guys to a house with two girls. I moved out for space reasons but also because I didnt like my old roommates anymore. I found these girls through a flyer on campus and I knew there would be tension the first time I met them. They are both very cute and they both are on the university dance team. Anyways, I moved in and things have been going great but now I think one of them is starting to have a crush on me. I really am not too attracted to her personality but she knows she looks great and she uses it a lot to converse with me; ie wearing revealing clothes, showing me her repetoire in the living room, and of course the touchy feely poking stuff that friends do. I really am unsure about moving forward because it sounds like a disaster in the making. Anyone have input on my situation? Any other roommate stories similar to this?
  2. jcsd
  3. Oct 6, 2006 #2


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    Get a couple of bottles of wine and see how things develop... :biggrin:
  4. Oct 6, 2006 #3
    why are you asking us? just go for it & if it turns out to be a disaster just move out like you did with the other place.
  5. Oct 6, 2006 #4


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    I think you should state you position so shes clear where you stand then the rest is up to her.
  6. Oct 6, 2006 #5

    Chi Meson

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    IF you stay, things will go bad sooner or later. Possibly, things could go well before they go bad. Any scenario ends with you moving out. HOw long is your lease?
  7. Oct 6, 2006 #6
    If you don't like her, then whats the problem? Just continue to be yourself. I take it you didn't have sisters?
  8. Oct 6, 2006 #7


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    Then it sounds obvious to me that you shouldn't even be considering moving forward. *shrug*

    If her flirting makes you uncomfortable, then you need to tell her that.

    If not, then you just need to evaluate the alternatives.

    Do you think she'll be hurt if you tell her you're not interested now?
    Do you think she'll be more hurt if she doesn't find out until after she's spent many months embarassing herself by hitting on you?
    Do you think the crush will pass?
    Do you think she will try to move forward?
    If so, do you think she'll be more hurt if you wait and reject her then?
    Even worse, do you think you might not resist?

    I'm generally in favor of telling people how you feel about things -- but if you're not, then let the answers to these questions guide you. (and other questions you might come up with)

    Oh, that's a good idea. (If hypatia doesn't mind me warping her post) You like these girls as friends, right? Tell them that they're like sisters to you. :smile: (I know that only one has the crush, but it might go smoother if you didn't single her out) Well, I suppose you shouldn't do that unless you really do feel close to 'em in a friendly way.
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2006
  9. Oct 6, 2006 #8
    These are the best years of your life, why not have as much fun as possible? You say she looks great but you're not attracted to her personality - I say try to have fun, you don't have to solve crosswords together. The most important thing is to make your intentions very clear - to her and to yourself - and let her make her own choice. Not everyone is interested in deep relationships, and as long as you're honest with her (however subtly) you've got nothing to worry about - she has every right to choose what she wants from you.
    It's a fine rope to tread, but isn't that what's so darn great about it?
  10. Oct 6, 2006 #9


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    Have you considered getting a web-cam and starting a pay site?
  11. Oct 6, 2006 #10

    great parental advice
  12. Oct 6, 2006 #11


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    Ehh, there's a decent chance she's just doing it for her own self-esteem anyway, so you may as well just ride it and enjoy it.
  13. Oct 6, 2006 #12


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    great parental advice
  14. Oct 6, 2006 #13

    Yeah Mattius_, you might actually like her personallity with a bottle of wine in you.
  15. Oct 6, 2006 #14
    I'm 51 years old and have a collection of memories of situations roughly similar to this in which I did the right and proper thing. Each one now haunts me like a burning, sore, blister when I think of it. Why didn't I take advantage of these amazing opportunities?

    I'm 51, Mattius_, and they don't happen anymore.............
  16. Oct 6, 2006 #15


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    Consider keeping it platonic and make that known, especially if one does not have reciprocal feelings.

    If one decides to 'roll with it and have fun', one risks it blowing up in one's face. If one becomes romantically or more likely casually involved, and then the relationship fails, is one prepared to move out?

    Just don't take advantage of the young lady's affections.
  17. Oct 6, 2006 #16
    If you don't like her and you casually get her pregnant then you are stuck dealing with someone you don't like for the next 18 years.
  18. Oct 6, 2006 #17
    Getting someone pregnant when you're both in college would be a nightmare even if he thought she was the most wonderful person in the world.
  19. Oct 6, 2006 #18
  20. Oct 6, 2006 #19
    That's the problem, I moved in just over a month ago and the lease is a YEAR. I think the penalty for breaking the lease is a couple hundred dollars plus the time it takes them to find a new roommate. On the whole though, I couldn't picture a better living situation (besides the expressed situation.) The house is nice; they are clean, focused, awesome to talk to, and we even hang out on the weekends a lot. Hypatia, I grew up with my sis and my mother only so I do have an idea about living with women. I thought about that when I decided to move in and thougth it would be manageable. About her personality; I suppose that I should back off a little from my previous statement because she is just starting to come out of her shell now that we all know each other. My first impressions however were not mentally stimulating.

    Overall though, I guess that this made me realize I am really quite happy and fortunate to have such a place to live and I really don't want to screw it up. The whole problem here is that I just dont see it possible to have a casual thing going without someone getting attached or hurt. I think I could, but im not sure a girl could. I don't know why I am asking for advice... I guess I just wanted to vent a little. If it does come down to it though, ill make sure that we both know what it is.
  21. Oct 6, 2006 #20
    A girl could, and they do quite often. It is well within the range of emotions of the female psyche. You need to take the pulse of this particular girl, somehow.
  22. Oct 6, 2006 #21
    Dont take her pulse while shes sleeping..that really will freak her out.
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2006
  23. Oct 6, 2006 #22


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    This happens ALL the time, I've seen cases where some women become suggestive even towards retarded individuals.

    Russ is probably the closest to being right. Men believe that certain women are attracted to them in many cases, even when they are actually not even impressing upon them of such a notion, this has been shown to be true through various research conclusions in psychology.

    One thing is for sure, she's not stupid, and women love to play games. Commanding a man's attention gives them power.......the ability to induce delusions.

    If you take the hit, you're going to be primarily responsible for any moral dilemas that arise out of the situation, quite frankly,

    you need to allow things to develop a bit further, play around with the situation yourself. As a new roommate you're going to need to develop a formal relationship, and you don't want to do so by undermining either two of the women and by unnecessary moral dilemas.

    My advice to you is not to play dumb or you may be getting a BIG KICK in THE FACE sometime soon in the future.
    Last edited: Oct 6, 2006
  24. Oct 6, 2006 #23


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    Another alternative:

    Call her bluff.

    She may be trying to see if she can wrap you around her finger. For some young women, this is a heady power-trip.

    Make like you're going to lose control and give in to your passions. Or simply make like you're about to rip off your clothes. I bet she'll fold and never bother you again.
  25. Oct 6, 2006 #24
    That is correct. After sneaking into her bedroom at 2 A.M. he should first shake her awake before grabbing her wrist.

    Oh my God, I hope no one is dumb enough to ever try this.
  26. Oct 6, 2006 #25


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    Ummmm . . . . Tribdog. :rofl:
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