Roommate Compatibility: Finding Fault and Solutions

[GreenPrint]

Hi,

I'm no longer rooming with my old roommate, we switched rooms and I know have a new one, but I'm not sure really who was at fault when I was rooming with old roommate and would like some opinions.

First of he decided to go down to the hall director and the RA and complain about rooming with me and that he was having a hard time doing so without even tell me. I was extremely shocked when I got a call down to the hall directors office and the bomb went off and I was asked if me and roommate talked about doing a room swap and how he thought the living conditions were bad in my room.

I thought that this was obviously bad on his part. I believe that if you have a problem with someone, especially your roommate who you are around a lot, you should first speak with that person before pursing other means of solving an issue with getting a long with the individual and complaining to other people. I had no idea that me and my roommate weren't getting along and that I can't really fix or change something to allow him to room with me better if he does not tell me. I thought this was just a implied social thing but I guess I'm wrong. I felt pretty insulted that my roommate didn't have the respect for me to tell me that he was having a problem rooming with me and just went to the hall director and RA first and complained. If I was having an issue with my roommate I would let my roommate know first that way he can better accommodation my wishes into his living patterns.

I believe that I should be able to do whatever I want in my room, with reason, while respecting the fact that I have a roommate. If I want to sit in my room and study for long periods of time or do other quite activities that don't make much noise and disturb my roommate I don't see what's wrong with that. My old roommate liked to listen to music and watch TV, which there's nothing wrong with. We valued our education completely differently. I like to study a lot and get good grades but he didn't. While I was getting perfect scores on midterms he was getting 60s. I believe this is perfectly fine. There's no reason why my roommate should value his education as much as I do. His values are his values my values are my values. I believe that if I wish to listen to music or watch tv and 9 at night, or 4 in the morning, or whenever for that matter, that I should be able to, but just because I value listening to music or watching tv at these times doesn't mean that I should force my roommate to listen to music or watch tv as well. I should put in headphones. I then can listen to music or watch tv whenever I want or all day if I wanted.

My old roommate like to sleep for like 8-10 hours a night and I only need 4-5. Just because my roommate likes to sleep twice as much as I do doesn't mean that I should value sleeping for 10 hours as well. Just because my roommate is sleeping doesn't mean that I should. If I want to engage in a quite activity like studying while my roommate is sleeping I don't see what's wrong with that. There's not really much place to study, there are a couple of study rooms downstairs, but drunk idiots run around at night and make lots of noise and you have idiots who stand out in front of them talking. The most productive and quite place to study is your room. I could go downstairs and try to study in such a enviorment sure, but my roommate could also try to sleep in such a enviorment as well.

I don't know I feel as if I should be able to do whatever I want whenever I want in my room for as long as I want if it's a quite activity that dosen't make much noise. If it's an activity that makes a lot of noise, like watching tv or listening music, I should be respectful of the fact that my roommate may not want to listen to music or watch tv so I should put headphones in and then i can listen to music or watch tv whenever i wanted for as long as i wanted.

Is my roommate philosophy screwed up and I'm fault? My new roommate is the best and seems to agree with this philosophy and puts headphones in when he wants to listen to music and just sits at this desk all day and do what ever he does on his computer and study just like me. We can go like 4 hours with both of us sitting at our desks reading without making a single noise or shifting or anything. It's so nice and quite in my room now all the time. I can take a nap with my roommate in the room studying or on his computer with no problem lol it's awesome.

 

[Moonbear]

Well, I do agree that your roommate should have talked with you first, before going to an RA. And, from my own time working in residence life, I think that when it became obvious he hadn't, the RA should have made you both try to work out your differences like adults rather than move you right away.

On the other hand, we don't know your roommate's side of the story here, so we don't know what he really had a problem with. So, I have no idea who was at fault, if anyone, or if you just were too different in your living habits to be compatible roommates.

In the end, if you're getting along well with your new roommate, and are more compatible with each other's study, sleep, and other habits, why even worry about it? It seems like it worked out for the best in the end.

 

[micromass]

Your roommate philosophy doesn't seem to be wrong. It's live and let live.

Could you tell us what bothered your roommate?? Do you know what it is that bothered him?? That's an important piece of the puzzle that is missing here.

 

[GreenPrint]

lol well i studied much more than him at night and during the day and didn't go to bed tell around 130 and got up at 6 and he went to bed around 10 every day and got up around 7 or 8

after we switched rooms he said that he wasn't able to sleep at night and that he thought i was going to drop dead because my eyes were so red at one point from sleep depreviation. I also ate caffeine pills sometimes to help me through the day because I was tired and just kept a bottle of them on my desk and I guess he wasn't a fan of my eyes being really bloodshot I guess.

and you i guess it just wasn't that good of a fit because he rather hang out with friends and watch tv and play video games and crap and get like 60 on exams, i think that this is fine and if values these things he should be able to do such things if he wishes, but just because he does I don't see why I should as well you know. I feel as if like if you want to watch tv you put headphones in and then you can watch tv when ever you want for as long as you want because the other person shouldn't be forced to watch tv with you if they didn't want to.

 

[micromass]

I can understand him wanting to change rooms if he couldn't sleep at night. Maybe you made too much noise while studying??

He should have mentioned it to you first, though, before going to the hall director.

 

[Chronos]

If you have issues [with someone you didnt know in the first place] would you talk it over first? It may seem rude at first glance, but, that is the logical way to deal with such things. Life moves on. Get over it.

 

[netgypsy]

He probably figured you two had irreconcilable differences and needed a divorce because neither of you were going to change so why bother you about it?

A friend had a similar problem. He slept a lot and studied a lot and his roommate had friends in late at night to play cards and they were very loud and he couldn't sleep. He did mention it to the roommate but there was no change. So he and his friends first carried the guy on his mattress in the middle of the night to the quadrangle outdoors and left him there. The next day they tied him to a chair and left him in a cold shower. He got the point and went to the RA and changed rooms. Aren't you glad your roomie went to the RA first?

 

[Moonbear]

Maybe he's just one of those people who can't sleep with lights on. In that case, even if you were using headphones, having a TV or computer on at all might have interferred with his sleep. You also could have been his convenient scapegoat to explain to his parents why he was getting 60s on exams.

 

[cristo]

I don't think you're telling the complete story. You don't mention why he reported you, or why you got pulled into the hall director's office. There is likely more to it than him not liking you being awake all night: perhaps you make a lot of noise while you study or watch tv at 4 in the morning.

 

[GreenPrint]

hm I'm not exactly sure... but you i guess your right it's better that we switched because I don't think either of us were going to change our ways. And you I think you may be right I may have just been a escape goat. He reported me because he said he couldn't sleep at night, although he told me he could sleep through everything. At least that's what he said when I directly asked him what exactly the issue was after we switched rooms. He also said that at one point my eyes were so red that he thought I was going to drop dead. I said, well my physical apparent has nothing to do with your ability to room with me. He said that he couldn't watch someone do that to themselves. He may also have complained about not being able to have anyone over and what not because I was always studying and didn't like having people coming in and out of our rooms and talking. My hall director said he also complained about me putting cardboard up in front of the windows at night. I did this to block out the light at night so that way we could sleep easier, although I didn't sleep for like 10 hours like him but I liked it really dark when I did sleep. He said he was fine with it at the time. I guess he lied. One time I also got really board and made a fortress and but one of my blankets above my fan and it blew it up over my bed making a fortress in it. One time I slept underneath it. I only did this once and my roommate just laughed when he came in and saw it so I didn't think it was that big of a deal. But it was one of the things that the hall director discussed with me so I guess he complained about it. I feel as if those things were just dumb complaining about because he didn't really seem to care when I did them and that he was just looking for things to complain about.

And that is pretty screwed up to pull you out on a mattress like that. And you that is all of it and I guess it's good that we switched rooms. Nope I don't ever watch T.V. it was him who watched T.V. and sometimes I had to ask him to put headphones in. I didn't see what the big deal was. Just put them in and the T.V. be as loud as you want and you can watch T.V. all day if you want lol.

But you I'm glad that we switched rooms I guess and it's all good.

 

[pergradus]

Are you actually studying all the time or are you spending most of your time playing video games and surfing the web?

 

[Antiphon]

The title of the post is "Roommate Issue Who's To Blame"

You are to blame by definition. He dumped you, you didn't dump him.

The real question is: am I a pain the a** or was my roommate a freak?

You don't need to post the answer, just ask and try honestly to answer to yourself.