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Roommate Issues

  1. Jul 7, 2013 #1
    I know this may sound kind of weird but I strongly believe that I should be able to do whatever I want whenever I want in my room. It's my room. People tell me that nobody gets what they want all the time. While that is true, when I'm in my room it's not. For example in high school when I lived at my parents house, if I wanted to watch TV, study, go on my computer, etc. I did it or whatever else I wanted when I wanted.

    I'm so use to this that I can't stand sharing a one room living space with someone. I have found that just simply talking to your roommate dosen't work. Getting a new roommate dosen't work either because my university dosen't allow people to do that after the first week or so of the semester, by which I don't know if I'm living with a good roommate or not.

    I completely disagree that living with a roommate is all about making sacrifices. If I'm studying in my room and my roommate wants to watch TV why on earth do I have to leave MY ROOM so that way my roommate can watch TV?

    Well people tell me that it's his room to and he should also be able to do what ever he pleases. I agree with that completely, to a degree. If it was true that both me and my roommate could do whatever we wanted when we wanted, then it would be alright for me to watch TV at 1:00 A.M. in the morning while my roommate is trying to sleep. This is clearly incorrect. So the correct philosophy is that both members should be able to do whatever they want whenever they want, under the condition that it dosen't cause a disturbance to the other person.

    My roommate last semester was SO STUPID! He watched TV at 1:00 A.M. in the morning during finals week when I had a final that day!!! I have gone through this mess and don't want to go through it again. It was like that the whole semester. The guy had no common sense.

    I bought professional ear muffs!!! 33 NRR the best they come
    33 NRR ear plugs, the best they come
    2 big square fans
    2 small circle floor fans
    a white noise machine
    my roommate was still to loud!!!

    I have found out that my new roommate who I haven't met yet is bringing a TV =(! What am I going to do??? I can't change rooms because I need the location.

    I have been thinking of a way to get around bad roommates that watch TV! I was thinking of buying one of those ninja universal remotes online. I could turn off his TV when ever he turns it on. I was thinking of buying a very high quality very loud speaker that I can hook up to my computer. Play white noise on it when he's watching TV and overpower his TV in loudness.

    I have also considered the legalities of living with someone. Now just in case my roommate has people in people in the room a lot... It's my understanding that both me and my roommate are considered the tenets of the living space. If one tenet has a non-tenet guest over that I don't want over all I have to do is request that person to leave and they have to? At least I thought all tenets have to agree to other people being within the living space and if the non-tenet is asked to leave by one of the tenets than that request of leaving the space surpasses the other tenet's wishes for that person to stay? Correct? If they don't leave I think it becomes trespassing which is illegal and a violation of student code of conduct at my university as well. So I was thinking I could inform that person that they are trespassing and I would report them if they don't leave.

    These are my plans so far. What do you think?

    Honestly my last semester was terrible. It sucked. I can't stand another semester of bad roommates. I don't see why my roommate can't just put some headphones in and then he could watch whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, for as long as he wanted. I don't get what's so hard about that. I respect the fact that he values watching TV, but I don't see why I should have to sit there and listen to it. What if I would rather listen to a different channel, what if I'm engaging in some activity, like sleeping, and don't want to listen to the noise at all?

    I know it's kind of bad but if my roommate is to loud then I'm thinking about being loud on purpose when he tries to sleep just to prove a point lol.
  2. jcsd
  3. Jul 8, 2013 #2
    Are you still having these issues GreenPrint? Lol.

    I don't mean to laugh, but when I saw this post I thought, man, that looks familiar. I think I'll try to find that one thread and refer him to it because we already went over this. Then I found the thread, and it was you who started it! :tongue:


    The answer to this is simple...Get your own place... I personally would rather live in a closet sized studio all by myself than deal with a roommate I didn't get along with. You can also typically get single dorm rooms that are not that much more per semester than shared rooms. It might cost a few extra bucks, but I think for you the cost in stress and grief faaaaaaaar outweighs any extra cost that getting your own pad would be. Continuing to rail against the injustice of what your rights in a roommate situation are is not going to get you anywhere, obviously. Your last thread on this subject was back in February. What else do you need to know?
  4. Jul 8, 2013 #3

    Sounds hypocritical to me. You can do whatever you want whenever you want, and he should be able to as well, unless you don't like it?

    It is not illegal for your roommate to have guests over, even if you don't care for them being there and ask them to leave.

    It also seems that you are a not so great roommate either. You can either learn to deal with your roommate being like you or follow DiracPool's spot on advice.
  5. Jul 8, 2013 #4


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    And your roommate was probably pumping up the volume on his TV thinking "gee why does this guy have to make so much noise even when he's sleeping?"

    One thing I noticed you never mentioned is simply asking your roommate to be quiet or go somewhere else while you're sleeping
  6. Jul 8, 2013 #5

    Ben Niehoff

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    1. It's not "your room", it's a shared living space. Talk to your roommate and work things out in a reasonable way.

    2. Sounds like you're a bad roommate.
  7. Jul 8, 2013 #6
    Thanks GreenPrint a lot for your post, reading it helps me realize how childish I was when I used to share a room with my friend.
    He used to watch late TV shows. Although he turned down the volume but at night it was still noisy to me and I couldn't sleep. I got really mad at the guy.
    Once I had to read some book chapters to be ready for the coming exam, he always invited friends to talk and I couldn't concentrate on my study at all. What else could I do ? I reported it to my dorm administrator and asked for room change but nothing better occurred as soon as I wished. I had to wait in long sad days. :frown:

    Looking back up on it, :biggrin: I know now that I am getting older and smoother in practicing "Killing them all softly with gentle voices and smiles". I am no longer taking things deep into my heart and mind. I realize that there are noises both outside and inside and they are inter-related. Whenever I run into the noise outside, I then think to myself whether it is the old noise I used to hear and especially how many times I have heard of such noise so as to never let it stuck on me as an inside noise....I am yet to learn more to become better and better. Time passes by to enlarge the vision of me and my surroundings.
    Approach your mate gently and raise up what you want from him to see what he responds. Good luck and cheers!
  8. Jul 8, 2013 #7


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    It's too late for this term, but the best solution is to find a roommate who you know in advance is likely to be compatible with you, instead of letting the university choose one for you.

    During my second year, I got to know some of the other physics majors fairly well, and found out that one of them was also looking for a roommate. We joined up and became roommates for the last two years. It worked out very well because we took many of the same classes, were both pretty serious students, and had pretty much the same sleep schedules.
  9. Jul 8, 2013 #8


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    When I was a private in the Army, my first roommate tied me down to my bunk and saved my legs. He then placed a blow up doll in bed with me and invited the whole platoon to take pictures. One time, I got off a 24 hour shift and went straight to bed. He decide it would be a great time to play the Wall at full blast.

    Have you talked to the guy about it? Not many people are douches like my old roommate (although, he's one of my best friends now but I hated that guy for years.) I often find that people who perceive other people as terrible roommates often fail to articulate their concerns.
  10. Jul 8, 2013 #9
    Absolutely. If I don't like what he's doing then he shouldn't do it. The same goes for me. If the correct philosophy was...

    You can do whatever you want whenever you want regardless of what your roommate wants

    ...then I could throw a party in the room at 3 in the morning while he's trying to sleep and it would be perfectly fine and ok for me to do it.

    And I actually thought it was illegal. Guests in the room are guests in a living space in which they are not considered the tenets. I thought both tenets had to agree to guests. If one person asked that person to leave than that surpasses the other tenets wish that they stay because it becomes trespassing.

    Your right. I asked about this earlier. And talked about the legalities of it but I thought it was concluded that it's trespassing and I was going to use this to my advantage.

    I would like to switch rooms but I can't because I need the room. There are no open rooms within the building that are of the same size, the rest are very small. I need to live in the building because of it's location.

    It's ok right to turn of my roommates TV with a remote that I purchased with my own money? My plan was to hide the remote when using it so that way he thinks his TV is broken and dosen't know I'm turning it off.
  11. Jul 8, 2013 #10


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    From your posts, I'm sure he probably isn't too fond of you either. I generally avoid the passive aggressive approach, though your idea with the remote sounds hilarious. Not that I endorse it, but I'm a bit of a trickster.

    Have you considered stepping up and asking to set down formal rules both can agree on. Explain that you're in an extremely difficult course of study (or whatever, sometime to lay in the awareness), and that you do need some quiet time and decent sleep.

    Also, offer up additional places for guests and late night events to be held. I know at OSU and UMD, except during final weeks, common areas in the dorms and library were open quite late, sometimes 24/7 (depending).

    I'm a bit of a grouch for my space as well, but I know that when you push people, they push back. If it's uncomfortable now, just imagine what'll happen when you irritate them into pushing back.
    I've always lived with roommates in some capacity of another. For some time I lived with 5 guys and myself in a 2 bedroom apartment. It was awful! But I survived. I also got high marks and maintained a job during that period. I spent a lot of time with professors or friends or in the library studying.

  12. Jul 8, 2013 #11
    From your mind state i guess that the following qns may be coming to your mind now and then-
    O god why these things are happening to me?
    why cant i get a separate room where i can stay alone?
    Why doesn't my roommate listen to me?
    Why cant i change my roommate?etc etc

    If i am correct-
    I think you are lacking the very important thing in life called "adjustment".You are not showing a sign of adjustment with your roommate.

    Feel free with your roommate.An envy has been created between you and the roomate 'in your mind'.

    This is only due to not having the sense of adjustment.When you will leave the room and stay alone then that time you will become aware of the days when you used to share a room.

    So my advice is you should adjust with your roommate and at the same time take care of your studies.

    When your roommate is watching TV give him a very polite request of not watching it now.
    If he doesn't listen listen tell to your own mind that i have to continue studies in this manner only even if your mind is frustrating,control it.
    Second thing avoid giving complaints about your roommate to the "person".Doing this will let you suffer more.

    Remember everything is dependent on your mind.So have control over your mind to live in any circumstances.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2013
  13. Jul 8, 2013 #12
    Even in your own posts, it's you who comes off as the anti social one.

    Purely out of my own curiosity, are you an only child?
  14. Jul 8, 2013 #13


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    To add to the above advice, resistance is only going to make the irritation worse. Try to find a solution that works for both, for instance establishing a television sound level that you could live with.

    For me if I want to sleep a level of 13 is audible, but doesn't demand attention. Also the program matters, soccer games are annoying because of the continuous excitement that they portray. Documentaries or talk shows on the other hand are fine.

    If you have zero tolerance you shouldn't be living with a roommate, or at least find a like-minded person to live with.
  15. Jul 8, 2013 #14


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    This would be a good philosophy to leave in the past. Until you OWN your property (instead of renting it from the school in the case of a dorm, or renting it from a landlord in the case of an apartment), you don't get to do whatever you want whenever you want. The belief that you do is fundamentally a delusion.

    The fact that your parents spoiled you in high school (you had a TV in your room?!) doesn't really change the equation here. Your golden days are over. Rent an apartment if you want isolation.

    In fact, that a really good lesson: owning your own space is a significant life cost. What a cool lesson to learn early in your life!! Get a job and rent your own isolation space; a studio apartment is more than enough for a college student.

    The ugly alternative is to becomes friends with your roommate. I think you'll find the phrase "hey man, can you turn that down?" will go a lot farther than a million remote control pranks and passive aggressive behaviors.

    Regarding guests... maybe your roommate doesn't like some of your guests. Suck it up. Be sociable. Not every unwelcomed guest is an unpleasant one. Having a roommate is a part of college; join the human race and figure out how to enjoy it.

    Frankly, you sound like a three year-old and you seem miserable to live with.

    P.S. As a side note, there are designated areas for quiet study (most colleges have them in academic buildings in addition to there being a library on campus). Pack up your stuff and go to the library. It's really not awful there.

    College was an awesome part of my life, you're not going to get to do it again later, so figure out a way to enjoy it.
  16. Jul 8, 2013 #15


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    Your post reeks of hypocrisy. I'm starting to think you're just trolling.
  17. Jul 8, 2013 #16
    Or you could just ask him to turn it off...
  18. Jul 8, 2013 #17


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    I was once like the OP. But I've recently found that other humans can be far too entertaining to miss out on. This post is an example.

  19. Jul 8, 2013 #18
    I agree. However, I typically find that I have to be really stoned for that to work :redface:
  20. Jul 8, 2013 #19
    Move out. It's cheaper to live off campus anyway. You can rent a room or something, and then perhaps you won't be surrounded by 18 year olds 24 hours a day.
  21. Jul 8, 2013 #20


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  22. Jul 8, 2013 #21


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    Yep. When I got my own space and stopped living on a Uni meal-ticket, I saved a lot of money and ate better. The accommodations were OK and the food was fantastic. Got to weigh the pros and cons.
  23. Jul 9, 2013 #22


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    Especially if you have a roommate. :tongue2:
  24. Aug 8, 2013 #23
    Instead of white noise, try brown noise. Its much better. There are also a couple of brainwave entrainment apps in Google playstore you might want to look into.
    Oh and about the T.V. how about coating the audio jack with transparent P.V.A. glue just before the exams....
    You could also try asking him questions that you know he can answer [and hence feel good about himself] just when he starts to watch T.V. and hence get yourself a friend and a study partner. Or you could sit beside him and crack really bad jokes until he figures its better to go to sleep. All methods are to be tried solely at your own risks.;)

  25. Aug 10, 2013 #24
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