Rope theory

854
16
I recently became aware of John Baez's crackpot index.
http://math.ucr.edu/home/baez/crackpot.html

What follows is a rough draft of an attempt to score as high as possible on that index. If anyone cares to do so, I would like to see edits to it in order to increase the score.

Rope Theory

I want to introduce you to the greatest physics concept of all time, called ropes. These are pieces of durable hemp from which all the particles of quantum electromechanical universe are created. This concept solves various problems that have arisen in string theory and the standardized model which I need not remind you are only theories. Where these theories fail to tell us why certain particles are electronic while others are not, rope theory, which I have been working on for over a decade now, explains where the electricity goes as we pass from protons to neutrons. For instance, consider the following thought experiment. we resolve an electron with its one unit of electricity and invert its state on the rope. Presto-chango, we get a positron which has anti-electricity. This is why Einstein never endorsed string theory. As he said, physics as we know it is FUNDAMENTALLY misguided.

Although I lack the math ability to write the equations for this theory, which is a paradigm shift comparable to Galileo's discovery of the pendulum, I hope that physicists will abandon their self-serving inquisition against this theory and work out the details. I point out that they laughed at Hoyle too.

One of the problems with string theory is the unbelievably small size of the strings involved. However, ropes are a couple of inches or so, the so-called "Snyder length". Instead of needing galaxy sized particle accelerators to see them, we can use ordinary telescopes.

It is no secret that Feynmann in his later years was leaning towards repudiating QED. I'm sure he would have endorsed rope theory against the hidebound reactionaries in the physics community. And if you read between the lines of Einstein's works you will see that he despised relativity theory. I think he probably would have come up with rope theory before I did if he had only lived longer. This is why I have rejected the advice of my psychiatrist to divulge this secret theory, which I obtained from the aliens during my last abduction, to you and you alone. I hope you will not publish it before I give permission for fear that others will try to steal it.

Yours in science,

Jimmy Snyder
 
51
0
Up the score

The f’n nazi’s at the Community College of Beaver County (where you received your third doctorate in celestial physics and did most of your post-doctorate work on your revolutionary, but widely ridiculed, theory of Moon Cheese “TMC”) told you that the black helicopters would come for you if you tried to tell the world about this theory.
 
854
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where you received your third doctorate in celestial physics.
I don't actually have any doctorates, but I do have an honorary associate's degree from Harvard School of Cosmetology.
 
2,035
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To support my theory, I'd like to point out to you this Wikipedia article...
 
854
16
To support my theory, I'd like to point out to you this Wikipedia article...
I like it.
 

HallsofIvy

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But it's still elephants, all the way down!
 

Ivan Seeking

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Oh my... Okay, since we don't even allow personal theories about mainstream subjects this is not really appropriate for S&D, but what the heck. Have fun.
 
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matthyaouw

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Good thinking leaving this open. If you close it he'd realise the Mainstream Science Conspiricy is trying to repress him :wink:
 

Galileo

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This is why I have rejected the advice of my psychiatrist to divulge this secret theory, which I obtained from the aliens during my last abduction, to you and you alone.
:rofl:

What your saying is treu. I used rope theory to prove pi is rational and thus everything is sqaures. They should get you a Nobel prize!!!
 
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These are pieces of durable hemp from which all the particles of quantum electromechanical universe are created.
As you can see, these ropes were intelligently designed.
 
854
16
Thanks for many great suggestions. Please keep them coming. Thanks for not killing this Ivan Seeking. After all, it is not really about rope theory. Although I liked the suggestions and incorporated them, not all of them are worth points on Baez's index. I have left out even vague references to the Nazi regime even though that is on the index. This is meant to be light-hearted and I don't consider it wise to make light of the Nazis. Here is a second draft. Anyone reading this who did not read the original post should be aware that this thread is not about rope theory, but about scoring points on the Baez crackpot index.

Rope Theory

I want to introduce you to the greatest physics concept of all time, called ropes. These are pieces of durable hemp from which all the particles of quantum electromechanical universe are created. This concept solves various problems that have arisen in string theory and the standardized model which I need not remind you are only theories. Where these theories fail to tell us why certain particles are electronic while others are not, rope theory, which I have been working on for over a decade now, explains where the electricity goes as we pass from protons to neutrons. For instance, consider the following thought experiment. we resolve an electron with its one unit of electricity and invert its state on the rope. Presto-chango, we get a positron which has anti-electricity. This is why Einstein never endorsed string theory. As he said, physics as we know it is FUNDAMENTALLY misguided. The Wikipedia page on 'rope' is revealing by what it deliberately conceals. Careful reading shows that it supports my theory quite well.

Although I lack the math ability to write the equations for this theory, which is a paradigm shift comparable to Galileo's discovery of the pendulum, I hope that physicists will abandon their self-serving inquisition against this theory and work out the details. I point out that they laughed at Hoyle too. After all, I do have an honorary associate degree from Harvard School of Cosmetology.

One of the problems with string theory is the unbelievably small size of the strings involved. However, ropes are a couple of inches or so, the so-called "Snyder length". Instead of needing galaxy sized particle accelerators to see them, we can use ordinary telescopes.

There is a great living scientist Galileo, no relation to the great dead scientist Galileo, who has used rope theory to prove pi is rational and thus everything is squares. This should get me a Nobel prize!!! Him too!!!!

Nuetrino, a scientist of considerable weight, shows how rope theory proves conclusively that the universe must have been designed and that the designer must have been more intelligent than some people I know, but won't mention, but whose initials are The Current Generation of Scientific Gatekeepers. For instance, the use of top quality hemp for improved tensile strength. This is a sore spot for string theorists who so far have not been able to explain how those flimsy strings can withstand the enormous strain they are under. Just ask them what THEIR strings are made of. I gusss they believe in "Dopey Design", right? Google "More or Less Intelligent Design" for details.

It is no secret that Feynmann in his later years was leaning towards repudiating QED. I'm sure he would have endorsed rope theory against the hidebound reactionaries in the physics community. And if you read between the lines of Einstein's works you will see that he despised relativity theory. I think he probably would have come up with rope theory before I did if he had only lived longer. This is why I have rejected the advice of my psychiatrist to divulge this secret theory, which I obtained from the aliens during my last abduction, to you and you alone. I hope you will not publish it before I give permission for fear that others will try to steal it.

Yours in science,

Jimmy Snyder
 
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D H

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My suggestions:

  • Name this theory "Synder Rope Theory". You are proud of it, aren't you?
  • Preface the article as if were an email message to John Baez. Include a complaint about the Crackpot Index.
  • You got Einstein and Feynmann, but not Hawkins.
  • Add a paragraph on verification. For example, A yotta eV collider will be needed to accomplish the transition from electron to positron.
  • Find some piece of science fiction that justifies this theory. More points if the science fiction basis for Snyder Rope Theory is a non-sequitor.
  • A few more words in ALL CAPS would help.
 
854
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Thanks D H, I am adding this paragraph.

Rope theory now is the only theory that can explain the operation of the phaser. Here you have a high frequency tone and a low frequency tone mixed together without annoying beat frequencies. As we know from musicology, a loose string will vibrate at a low frequency and a taut one at a high frequency. The same is true of ropes. While either can account for low frequencies, it takes a very robust string to account for the high ones. That is where rope theory comes in to save this picture of reality from snapping entirely, while string theory unravels. This certainly also accounts for why we don't hear any beat frequencies, but I haven't worked out just how.
 
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