Rules for Dating My Daughter

  • #1
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Main Question or Discussion Point

The thread about guys rules for women reminded me of this. They are fond of making rules...
From:
http://www.yoest.org/dating_my_daughters.html [Broken]

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of the date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.:rofl:


Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without using a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.:bugeye:


Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."


Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with one of my little girls, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. You might have heard about her other two sisters, but you will not look. If you make her cry, I make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are sofas, beds, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and my old Army Field Jacket - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature power tools are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, gray-headed, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and a half acre behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to drift back a few years to my Army days and mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a hostile vehicle. Whenever I hear engines at night, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the weapons, probably as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Announce the perimeter password, relay in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
 
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Answers and Replies

  • #2
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I dated a girl whose dad was a prison guard once. I've never been so terrified of anyone in my life.
 
  • #3
Astronuc
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franznietzsche said:
I dated a girl whose dad was a prison guard once. I've never been so terrified of anyone in my life.
Only because you haven't date my daughter. :devil: :rofl: :biggrin:
 
  • #4
matthyaouw
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That list reminds me of a friend's father. The day I met him, I was greeted pleasantly, aside from a handshake so firm I almost lost the use of my hand, and a brief glance in the eye, lasting no more than half a second, which said "You are taking my young and impressionable daughter out. She will be as innocent in every way when she returns as when she left, else your head shall adorn my gatepost."
I'd hate to think what treatment I'd have got had I actually been dating her.
 
  • #5
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matthyaouw said:
That list reminds me of a friend's father. The day I met him, I was greeted pleasantly, aside from a handshake so firm I almost lost the use of my hand, and a brief glance in the eye, lasting no more than half a second, which said "You are taking my young and impressionable daughter out. She will be as innocent in every way when she returns as when she left, else your head shall adorn my gatepost."
I'd hate to think what treatment I'd have got had I actually been dating her.
:rofl:

I started dating in college so my dad never had a chance to intimidate my boyfriends. I think my mom is actually more concerned about my relationships than my dad is.
 
  • #7
BobG
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franznietzsche said:
I dated a girl whose dad was a prison guard once. I've never been so terrified of anyone in my life.
My wife's dad was a police officer. Her grandfather was a police officer. Her three uncles were police officers. One brother is a police officer, a second is a deputy, and a third is a postal worker. Her mom is a secretary for the sheriff's office.
 
  • #8
Evo
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BobG said:
My wife's dad was a police officer. Her grandfather was a police officer. Her three uncles were police officers. One brother is a police officer, a second is a deputy, and a third is a postal worker. Her mom is a secretary for the sheriff's office.
So, what you're saying is that this postal worker has access to guns. :bugeye:
 
  • #9
Astronuc
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BobG said:
My wife's dad was a police officer. Her grandfather was a police officer. Her three uncles were police officers. One brother is a police officer, a second is a deputy, and a third is a postal worker. Her mom is a secretary for the sheriff's office.
So you feel very secure? :biggrin:

Evo said:
So, what you're saying is that this postal worker has access to guns.
:rofl:
 
  • #10
Astronuc
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0TheSwerve0 said:
I started dating in college so my dad never had a chance to intimidate my boyfriends. I think my mom is actually more concerned about my relationships than my dad is.
I'd have to say that my wife is more concerned about the men who my daughter dates than I am. Perhaps I have a little more 'faith' in my daughter and her sensibility than my wife.

I do expect any man who dates my daughter to behave like a gentleman.

Or else . . . .
 
  • #11
He, he that's pretty funny, didn't date in my teens either. Combination of all boys school and hitting puberty in any meaningful way in college(16 in England) Reading that list I'm bloody glad, she better be my future wife if the father's that demanding.:rofl:
 
  • #12
BobG
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Schrodinger's Dog said:
He, he that's pretty funny, didn't date in my teens either. Combination of all boys school and hitting puberty in any meaningful way in college(16 in England) Reading that list I'm bloody glad, she better be my future wife if the father's that demanding.:rofl:
You didn't read the Rules for Marrying My Daughter? :rofl:

Pretty much the same, except marriage lasts longer, so you have to add a couple rules.

Rule Eleven: When arthritus, Alzheimer's, and incontinence sets in, you have to put me up in a spare room. You won't complain about me singing the same Toyota commercial over and over, even the day after you've been laid off from GM.

Rule Twelve: When I'm so old they refuse to let me renew my driver's license, you have to drive me around the city. I get to read the signs .... out loud .... of each and every store we pass .... so learn to drive slow.

Edit: Actually, that movie just illustrates the unfairness between the rules for men and women. When they met, she made him feel small and petty for being rude about her airline losing his father's dead body like an old piece of luggage. When they married, her senile father moved in and she made him feel small and petty for letting his Toyota commercials annoy him. :rofl:
 
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  • #13
dav2008
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Talk about being overprotective.
 
  • #14
Moonbear
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matthyaouw said:
I'd hate to think what treatment I'd have got had I actually been dating her.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 
  • #15
BobG said:
You didn't read the Rules for Marrying My Daughter? :rofl:

Pretty much the same, except marriage lasts longer, so you have to add a couple rules.

Rule Eleven: When arthritus, Alzheimer's, and incontinence sets in, you have to put me up in a spare room. You won't complain about me singing the same Toyota commercial over and over, even the day after you've been laid off from GM.

Rule Twelve: When I'm so old they refuse to let me renew my driver's license, you have to drive me around the city. I get to read the signs .... out loud .... of each and every store we pass .... so learn to drive slow.

Edit: Actually, that movie just illustrates the unfairness between the rules for men and women. When they met, she made him feel small and petty for being rude about her airline losing his father's dead body like an old piece of luggage. When they married, her senile father moved in and she made him feel small and petty for letting his Toyota commercials annoy him. :rofl:

:rofl: :rofl:

OK, erm fine.:bugeye: :eek: +

IMO the rules are only for those you distrust, your future son in law should be someone you like when you meet and if not: feel free to impose any rules you like, if your daughter's happy and you stay together with her, any rules you make up are going to become pretty irrelevant the longer the relationship goes on, even if you hate the guy.

You can't put a price on love or rules on happiness. Well you can but you'll end up looking like Robert De Niro, if you know what I mean :smile:

Father in laws with Alzheimers, shouldn't be to bad, father in laws with photographic memories as regards their daughter, now that's when your in trouble:eek: I'd have to be Jesus, and he never had this problem :rofl:
 
  • #16
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Evo said:
So, what you're saying is that this postal worker has access to guns. :bugeye:

:rofl: :rofl:

I didn't even catch that.

If I had a daughter, I'd probably make a game out of terrorizing any boyfriends. I probably wouldn't make a nice parent :frown: .
 
  • #17
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I love BSing w/ the dads of girls who I date. They always love it when I bring them some of my homemade beer. The moms are always really easy to win over, all you have to do is cook something to impress them.
 
  • #18
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I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without using a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
 

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