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Saying 'I love you'

  1. Jul 12, 2006 #1
    I know this topic is pushing the limits for sappiness, but I don't care. So i was talking to my friend the other day and she was asking about my new girlfriend. she also just recently got into a relationship. obviously looking for an excuse to tell me it happened to her, she asked, 'have you said I love you yet? it'll make her really happy'
    Now I haven't, not really. here's how it goes. The actual words I love you haven't escaped my lips. however, she has sometimes asked loaded questions on the subject; such as. "will you still love me even if I look hiddeous" (refering to her getting her wisdom teeth pulled soon) and ofcourse I said yes.
    She has also says it to me casually in the middle of things, but only in a fun way, and she always says it practically everyone. So I don't think those times really count.
    So. I'm trying to decide how to say it. I could do the whole casual slip it into a conversation thing, I could wait for a silent moment when where just sitting watching a movie or something, or i could stop right in the middle of a conversation to say it. I don't know what would be the best way. any advice girls? and/or guys?
    I've nearly said it over the phone but I've restrained myself cause I know it would be stupid to do that on the phone.
    I want to do it this weekend, i'm kinda nervous, but a good nervous.
  2. jcsd
  3. Jul 12, 2006 #2
    How old are you?
  4. Jul 12, 2006 #3


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    Dearly Missed

    Why are you afraid to say "I love you" to her? :confused:
    Just say it, whenever you feel like to say it.
  5. Jul 12, 2006 #4
    Depends how sappy you want to be when you say it. You could plan something and say it then, or like arildno pointed out... just drop it whenever you feel it.

    How long have you been dating?
    Do you actually love her? Obviously from your post it seems like you do...
    How old are you?
  6. Jul 12, 2006 #5


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    How old are you?
  7. Jul 12, 2006 #6


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    Okay, I remember you saying in another thread that this was your first real girlfriend.
    That, of course, makes it a bit tougher on you.

    But, think over the following:
    She's with you for reasons of her own, right?
    Not because she pities you, or feels she has no choice over this.
    She likes you a lot, that's why she is with you!

    Besides, she's already laid out feelers for this "I love you"-sentence:

    " "will you still love me even if I look hiddeous" (refering to her getting her wisdom teeth pulled soon) and ofcourse I said yes."*

    She wants to hear you say you love her, dumbass...

    So go out and say it. Now. Call her up in the middle of the night for example.

    *For further conversations:
    You should have said something like "you can never, ever, be hideous..."
    Saying "yes" might be interpreted that you acknowledge the possibility that your girlfriend can become hideous in your eyes..
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2006
  8. Jul 12, 2006 #7


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    I waited 8 months.

    I waited until I actually did love her and not just say it.

    But then, I always hear people spitting it out after like a month, which is kind of lame and meaningless in my opinion.
  9. Jul 12, 2006 #8
    lol, thanks arildno.
    I'm 19.
    We've only been dating a couple weeks, but we've been very good friends for over half a year now. And I DO want to say it to her, i just want it to be the right time.
  10. Jul 12, 2006 #9


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    Yah, dont worry, she'll laugh at you, you can count on it. People tend to date people they want to humiliate and enjoy hurting their feelings. They also will settle for nothing but perfection. Asking if you'll still love her after her tooth removal is also a big sign she has no feelings towards you and definitely doesn't love you back.

    No but seriously, is there any logical reason for you to think she'll be weirded out or laugh? If this girl is so weird or stupid as to laugh at her boyfriend for saying that he loves her or not doing it in the utmost perfect way, i'd be curious as to whether or not you two are actually together.

    And waiting for the right time? Pfff. If i was asked to even remember the year i told various girls 'i love you'... i'd get it right maybe 1/2 the time.... Maybe im just a bad person... or realistic.
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2006
  11. Jul 12, 2006 #10
    Meh, words aren't sacred you know. They have no real meaning anyway. I don't get the 'it cheapens it' perspective. Actions speak louder than words anyway.
  12. Jul 12, 2006 #11
    sheesh, i'm not worried about her laughing. I'm 99.99% sure she'll say it back. I just don't want to be an idiot and say it at the wrong time.
  13. Jul 12, 2006 #12
    words mean ****. but girls love to hear it. just don't say it too soon, wait until she has given you some indication that she wants to hear it, cuz girls know that often guys will use those 3 words in an attempt to "get with them", and using them too soon will induce that negative thinking in her head. you have to convince her that you are saying it because you mean it, not because you think she wants to hear it.

    i said it above, words mean ****, but that doesn't mean u shudn't use them. just make sure u back up your words with your actions, to really show her that you mean it.
  14. Jul 12, 2006 #13
    Wait for an intimate moment. don't do the casual slip into a convo thing... definately not. that doesn't show u mean it, it shows that you are hesitating saying it to her. wait for one of those moments where you are cuddling or something (if its the "something" then wait for a pause in that "something" so that you are more cuddling than doing "something") and then look into her eyes and don't say it to her, tell her. (if you know wat i mean)

    or you could whisper it into her ear during one of those intimate moments.

    make her believe you mean it... because you do right? that's why i suggested that you "tell her" and not "say it to her"
  15. Jul 12, 2006 #14


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    How does saying it casually make it seem like you don't mean it?

    And if you really want the "right" moment, tell her after you punch her in the gut. That's the perfect time to say it. So says the mighty Maddox.
  16. Jul 12, 2006 #15
    I do not see any problem harm whatsoever with telling someone you have a particular emotion provided you have that emotion otherwise it would simply be deception. :)

    La Rochefoucauld said: "Si on croit aimer sa maƮtresse pour l'amour d'elle, on est bien trompƩ." which means if we believe we love a woman for her own sake, we are very much mistaken.

    Love is really the emotion that is felt when you are with or thinking of the object of the emotion and has nothing to do with some form of comittment or that you neccesarily want to have a long term relationship with the other person.
  17. Jul 12, 2006 #16
    It's like he said himself. She often says it to him only in a casual manner she just drops it into the convo. wait, i'll find the quote.

    Saying it casually isn't really saying it meaningfully. At least, not the first time you say it. Sure, once it becomes natural then yea, when she leaves or sumtin you casually add in "love ya hun" or watever. But when you first drop the "L bomb" you want her to KNOW that you are saying it because you mean it, and saying it casually doesn't project the same feelings/message that saying it intimately does.
  18. Jul 12, 2006 #17
    Well it seems that some people have a different concept of love altogether. What do you mean by "meaning it". To love someone basically means that you have certain feelings when that person is around or when you think of that person. It really is about feelings not about some sort of regard you have for someone.
  19. Jul 12, 2006 #18


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    Well that is one way of seeing it. I would see it the opposite, saying it casually means a lot more since you know its somtehing they mean. Saying it just once in that super 'perfect' sense may just come off as saying "I love you, lets finally have sex baby. Maaaaaaaaaad sex".

    Then again actions do speak louder then words...
  20. Jul 12, 2006 #19
    What I mean by "meaning it" is that you want the girl your saying it to to actually believe that your saying it because you have those feelings/emotions that you said above, and not because you're trying to get some. Do you know what I mean?

    I agree completely with what you have said, but this isn't about the concept of love, it's about how that concept comes across when it is said to somebody.

    edit: also the intimacy is a great way to ease into saying it, she's in the mood, she's ready to hear it... or so you hope.

    edit #2: i don't want to get in a huge debate about this... I'm just passing on what has worked for me.... then again, seeing how things turned out months later maybe it didn't work for me. and by work i'm not saying it's a game that you have to "win" i'm saying it "worked" as in she didn't slap me across the face and say "whoa, settle down we've only been dating for this long blah blah balh"
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2006
  21. Jul 12, 2006 #20
    Oh I get it :blushing:
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