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Seeking closure/ help moving forward

  1. Jul 15, 2012 #1


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    First a little background. I'm about to start my third year of college as a physics major. I don't really date much (only one girl briefly in high school). This is mostly because I'm pretty shy and find it hard to approach women out of the blue. I've also been told I'm decently attractive, but I'm not that attractive as to have women approach me often.

    Last semester, I started taking my first foreign language class since I began college (for some reason it's a requirement for science majors to take a foreign language :confused: ). Anyways, I wound up loving the class. The first day of class I met a girl I thought was attractive and very intelligent. For this, we'll call her Women A. We had some things in common and I saw her in class everyday, since she was in both my lecture class (about 60 people) and my drill class (about a dozen people). About two weeks after classes started, she started inviting me to things. First, she invited me to some school sponsored service club. I was very busy this semester, so I knew I didn't have the time to join. I told her I probably didn't have the time to go, but I'll check and maybe see her there. I ended up not going, and thought that was probably the end of it. However, a few days later before our first quiz, she invited me to study at her dorm. This I enthusiastically accepted and we exchanged our phone numbers. When I got there I found out she also invited Women B, also in our drill class, whom I hadn't gotten the opportunity to talk to yet. I ended up falling pretty bad for Women B. We got closer as the year went on, while I pretty much started ignoring A. However, I never ended up asking B out. Partly due to my shyness, but also partly due to her never really gave me the chance. I gave her my phone number once before we started working on a group project, but she never contacted me, others in the group did. Later, I creepily looked B up on Facebook, and she had been in a pretty serious relationship for at least over a year. I feel like I got played with. She'd openly flirt with me sometimes, but never mentioned a boyfriend to anyone. I feel like I really should have given A a chance, I got too caught up in someone who only viewed me as a plaything to quell her boredom in class. Good thing is B is quitting the sequence for next semester, while A might be in my class again. Any insights on this situation? How do you avoid falling for the wrong girl?
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2012
  2. jcsd
  3. Jul 16, 2012 #2

    You take it slow. In order to be wanted by other woman act as if you don't want really want anything to do with them besides working on a school project together. You got played because it was your own fault.

    You should have became good friends with either and not peruse the mentality of wanting a relationship with either of them. I have been played with so many times I just don't try very hard anymore.
  4. Jul 16, 2012 #3
    Don’t fall for any girl. Spend time with both. You might develop a friendship, or it might be more than that. Live in the moment. Don’t worry about what might happen later. See how things develop, and then develop a plan to guide your friendships in the way you think is best.

    I think we have evolved past the point where you can only socialize with one lady or one guy. Enjoy the company of all who give you the opportunity, and then decide later where you want it to go from there. Just be honest with all, so that none have misconceptions as to your intentions.
  5. Jul 16, 2012 #4


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    Thanks for the feedback guys. It's not like I didn't try to be friends with the other girl, at least early on. About midway through the semester after I became interested in the girl she introduced me to, she started to change. She went to class late or right on time, stopped sitting with me in lecture (sometimes there wasn't room near me, but even when there was...), ext. I thought she was trying to avoid me, and that's when I started to avoid her.
  6. Jul 20, 2012 #5


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    She most likely considers you to be untrustworthy and not able to exprress any sembalnace of faithfulness by just casting her aside when something new and exciting came along ( woman B ) - consider that by your own admission she was more keen on trying to spark a friendship with her invites.

    I doubt you were played along by B but if that is how you decide cope by faulting others than that is your choice to make. Boredom - is a big stretch of reality.

    I am just wondering why you decided to refer to the girls as Woman A and Woman B, instead of going all the way and calling them Exhibit A and Exhibit B.

    If you wish to rekindle a friendship with A, an she will be in the class, than you owe her an apology for the lack of respect you showed to her. You just have to walk up to her and tell her you are sorry for not being as good a friend to her as she was trying to be to you, since you have thought about it all and know it has bothered her and you are just plain sorry. ( Or something like that in your own words and manner ) Maybe in a months time she will come back up to you and say hello. That is a maybe. Or you could start the hello again

    Since you are seeking closure, you should do that anyways as a little humble pie you could learn from ( as we all can by the way instead of living in polarized situations that develop at times for what is no apparent reason ) . Good luck.
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