Navigating Romantic Feelings for a Friend in a Temporary Living Situation

[Aveoamacus]

I recently moved to USA to study. I'm staying in a dorm with a lot of international students and I've made a lot of friends, but one girl in particular stands out. She's by far my best friend here and really is the only person I feel like I've connected to. We often stay up for hours just talking about our lives back home (she's also an international student) and how we feel about being here.

The problem is that I can't stop thinking about her! Never in my life have I met a girl and been so attracted to her - usually it takes a lot before I begin liking anyone. I find myself addicted to this girl, our personalities just seem to match perfectly and talking to her is so easy. I feel like a kid when I'm around her.

Is it a good idea to tell her how I feel?

Reasons against:
She's beautiful, so pretty to the point that I'm pretty sure she's out of my league
She's my best friend here and I couldn't handle it if I make it awkward and lose her as a friend
We both are here for only 1 year, so if anything happens it won't last

Reasons for:
I've never felt like this in my life and I'm 24. I'm pretty sure this means she's special!
We both are here for only 1 year, so maybe I should make the most of it?

So is it worth losing a best friend on the slim chance that something more could happen?

 

[BenG549]

The problem is that I can't stop thinking about her! Never in my life have I met a girl and been so attracted to her - usually it takes a lot before I begin liking anyone. I find myself addicted to this girl, our personalities just seem to match perfectly and talking to her is so easy. I feel like a kid when I'm around her.

Looks like you've answered your own question there.

I was this exact situation last year, I told her, we spent a few awesome months together and then decided that given the geographical challenges of living on other sides of the world we should probably drop the bf/gf labels and just take things as they are (i.e. two people who love spending time together just having some fun) I really wanted her but this was far better than sitting in my room on my own wondering what might or might not have happened. And now I have another good friend who I still regularly chat to on skype, and things are good.

Just go for it man, better to regret things you've done than things you haven't, at least then you know and you won't beat yourself up in the future wondering what could have been!

Think of it this way: if you tell her you like her and the feeling is not mutual, you have not lost a friend, she won't stop talking to you because you effectively paid her a compliant.

You will however feel sick every time you see if you don't and (heaven forbid) if some other dude askes to take her out and she says yes... and you never took your chance... well that's just a world of pain.

In summary... Go for it, and good luck!

 

[Aveoamacus]

(heaven forbid) if some other dude askes to take her out and she says yes... and you never took your chance... well that's just a world of pain.

So true! She told me last night about some guy that hit on her and I felt sick. Then I was angry at myself for letting myself feel this way about a girl (I promised to avoid it). Another thing is that she mentioned she didn't want to find a relationship here because it complicates things. While I agree with her (like I said, I wanted to avoid it), I still can't stop thinking about telling her how I feel.

I hope you're right that if it doesn't go as planned, she'll just take it as a compliment and still be friends

 

[Lavabug]

I recently moved to USA to study. I'm staying in a dorm with a lot of international students and I've made a lot of friends, but one girl in particular stands out. She's by far my best friend here and really is the only person I feel like I've connected to. We often stay up for hours just talking about our lives back home (she's also an international student) and how we feel about being here.

The problem is that I can't stop thinking about her! Never in my life have I met a girl and been so attracted to her - usually it takes a lot before I begin liking anyone. I find myself addicted to this girl, our personalities just seem to match perfectly and talking to her is so easy. I feel like a kid when I'm around her.

Is it a good idea to tell her how I feel?

Reasons against:
She's beautiful, so pretty to the point that I'm pretty sure she's out of my league
She's my best friend here and I couldn't handle it if I make it awkward and lose her as a friend
We both are here for only 1 year, so if anything happens it won't last

Reasons for:
I've never felt like this in my life and I'm 24. I'm pretty sure this means she's special!
We both are here for only 1 year, so maybe I should make the most of it?

So is it worth losing a best friend on the slim chance that something more could happen?

I had a similar situation. She was an exchange student from another uni in the country and was having problems with a bf back home until eventually (near the end of the year) they both called it quits. We spent a LOT of time together, realized we had tons in common but she would tell me some of her relationship problems. I had long accepted that I would only remain a friend(not to mention I thought she was out of my league), but near the end of the year (after she had broken up) I couldn't take it anymore and made a move, ended up with a pleasant surprise (well in all honesty, she gave me some unmistakable signs). We still keep in touch a lot and have plans for meeting , plus it just so happens we are both aiming for the same places for graduate school. It's not ideal, but it can work out if both parties really want it to happen. YMMV, but you'll never know if you don't do something eventually.

 

[Evo]

So is it worth losing a best friend on the slim chance that something more could happen?

Has she shown signs of being romantically attracted to you?

You seem to realize that if she doesn't feel the same that it might be too awkward for her to continue to be friends, I'd say go ahead if you feel that strongly.

 

[Aveoamacus]

Has she shown signs of being romantically attracted to you?

You seem to realize that if she doesn't feel the same that it might be too awkward for her to continue to be friends, I'd say go ahead if you feel that strongly.

She's said I'm different from the other guys she's met before (in a good way). She also thanks me a lot for the times that we talk because I've helped her get over some problems. As for being romantically/physically attracted to me, I'd have to say no. I haven't seen any signs at all. Sadness!

 

[Evo]

She's said I'm different from the other guys she's met before (in a good way). She also thanks me a lot for the times that we talk because I've helped her get over some problems. As for being romantically/physically attracted to me, I'd have to say no. I haven't seen any signs at all. Sadness!

Hmmm, maybe she never considered it, but wouldn't be opposed to it if she knew you were interested.

I am so glad that I don't date anymore!

 

[Aveoamacus]

Hmmm, maybe she never considered it, but wouldn't be opposed to it if she knew you were interested.

I am so glad that I don't date anymore!

I think I'll go for it and tell her.

I'm sure you'll date again some day Evo! (unless you're married)

 

[Andre]

... As for being romantically/physically attracted to me, I'd have to say no. I haven't seen any signs at all. Sadness!

Are you sure that you'd recognise -non verbal- signs, given that you post here? For instance, what happens if you happen to touch her arm or so, inadvertently or the other way around. Smile? Shock?

 

[Aveoamacus]

Are you sure that you'd recognise -non verbal- signs, given that you post here? For instance, what happens if you happen to touch her arm or so, inadvertently or the other way around. Smile? Shock?

I'd like to think I'd recognise the signs, but you're right, I'm not exactly an expert when it comes to this stuff. The only time we touch is if we're sitting on a sofa next to each other or something like that, close enough to each other so that we're touching. I usually feel awkward being that close to people but it's different with her.

I really don't think there are any signs that I've been missing

 

[Andre]

Ok, their is no way to analyse the situation giving that. There may be a lot of misunderstadings. On the one extreme, if she does not give signals if you happen to touch her, she may not be looking for a more close relationship. On other extreme, she may have perceived that you are reluctant her entering your confort zone and it may be she who wonders what to do for you to open up, being cautious not to be too audacious and frighten you off. Anything in between goes too.

 

[256bits]

Reasons against:
She's beautiful, so pretty to the point that I'm pretty sure she's out of my league
...

That is a pretty stupid reason. Don't rationalize against yourself like that.

I really don't think there are any signs that I've been missing

She told me last night about some guy that hit on her

You missed a good opening to discuss a relationship.

Then I was angry at myself for letting myself feel this way about a girl (I promised to avoid it). Another thing is that she mentioned she didn't want to find a relationship here because it complicates things. While I agree with her (like I said, I wanted to avoid it),

Both of you two must be more white and pure than the Pope. A relationship complicates things. Wow. What a revelation. But, I do understand and sympathize with that point of view.

You either do or you do not. Take some initiative.
Take her out to a movie and some food and give her a little peck on the cheek and grab her waist on the way home, and see what happens.