- #1
thankz
- 265
- 40
here is my dilemma,
I grew up in the ghetto lol, no but really I have been struggling most of my life just to be free. I was removed from my house when I was little and had to live in group homes, then it was juvenile jail when I was 17. I had my first apartment when I was 15 and was working, been working from then until I was 25 when I went crazy with what I was told was schizophrenia but I'm not sure I even have that, I'm only on 10mg of prolixin and it's been that way for 6 months now and I haven't gone crazy yet, I'm supposed to be on 25mg but I can't trust the psychiatric industry to do what's right for me. when I first came out of the hospital I had private psychiatrists diagnose me and eventually I got down to 100mg of Seroquel, they say the minimum effective dose is 150mg but at 100mg I was feeling great, working out again and able to learn again. when I first went crazy I couldn't even read. I don't know if I'm actually schizophrenic or not but I'm scared to stop taking this medication, I can't get a straight answer out of my mother as to weather my father was actually schizophrenic or not (she lies to me). they say my brother is schizophrenic too but he was listening to the same type of music that was lacing us with schizophrenia so I don't know. now thinking clearly I went to my psychiatrist just wanting to get more medication and got into an argument over my mother being let into the session against my wishes and threatened him and walked out. he called the cops and as I was walking home the cops tried to arrest me,(and I know for a fact I wasn't going crazy) I pulled a knife on the cops (at that point I was ready to kill a cop to get them off my back), they tased me and to took me to the hospital where my psychiatrist tried to jack up my medication to 600mg. I lost the case against my doctor for the simple fact that the hospital (they were on my side at first) didn't want to go against a doctor. so I ended up doing 5 years in a mental hospital under conditions which I can only describe as torture, then was given a choice of 5 years in a rehab type program or 2 years in jail. I choose the 5 years in the rehab program because at least I'd have some kind of freedom. now my question is should I try living in another country seeing that I can't seem to get by in the us. in Maryland they don't expunge assault charges unless I get a pardon by the governor (which I'm working on now). I don't want to struggle from now till forever just to live, I can work but my current situation is making it hard. so should I just scan all my books and pack up and make a move to California or the untied kingdom. I'm going to give it 5 years and get my math done but by that time if I'm still not in a good situation I'm really considering just up and moving to a whole nother area. I'm not going through a john nash type situation, I read his bio and have already been through most of the stuff he experienced and I think I've beat it all. I've been though most of the east cost so I know what I'm leaving. in a year i'll be moving to either Fairfax,va or providence, ri where I've lived before and had family. I have no friends I can count on to help me, lost most all of them as soon as I went crazy, guess they weren't friends to begin with. the thing is I have some money saved up and I get a ssdi check and could work to supplement my income, enough for rent and food with a little extra left over for the necessities. I guess my question is should I make a move and where too. how hard would it be to get a job in the uk? I'm at the point where I have nothing to lose.
I grew up in the ghetto lol, no but really I have been struggling most of my life just to be free. I was removed from my house when I was little and had to live in group homes, then it was juvenile jail when I was 17. I had my first apartment when I was 15 and was working, been working from then until I was 25 when I went crazy with what I was told was schizophrenia but I'm not sure I even have that, I'm only on 10mg of prolixin and it's been that way for 6 months now and I haven't gone crazy yet, I'm supposed to be on 25mg but I can't trust the psychiatric industry to do what's right for me. when I first came out of the hospital I had private psychiatrists diagnose me and eventually I got down to 100mg of Seroquel, they say the minimum effective dose is 150mg but at 100mg I was feeling great, working out again and able to learn again. when I first went crazy I couldn't even read. I don't know if I'm actually schizophrenic or not but I'm scared to stop taking this medication, I can't get a straight answer out of my mother as to weather my father was actually schizophrenic or not (she lies to me). they say my brother is schizophrenic too but he was listening to the same type of music that was lacing us with schizophrenia so I don't know. now thinking clearly I went to my psychiatrist just wanting to get more medication and got into an argument over my mother being let into the session against my wishes and threatened him and walked out. he called the cops and as I was walking home the cops tried to arrest me,(and I know for a fact I wasn't going crazy) I pulled a knife on the cops (at that point I was ready to kill a cop to get them off my back), they tased me and to took me to the hospital where my psychiatrist tried to jack up my medication to 600mg. I lost the case against my doctor for the simple fact that the hospital (they were on my side at first) didn't want to go against a doctor. so I ended up doing 5 years in a mental hospital under conditions which I can only describe as torture, then was given a choice of 5 years in a rehab type program or 2 years in jail. I choose the 5 years in the rehab program because at least I'd have some kind of freedom. now my question is should I try living in another country seeing that I can't seem to get by in the us. in Maryland they don't expunge assault charges unless I get a pardon by the governor (which I'm working on now). I don't want to struggle from now till forever just to live, I can work but my current situation is making it hard. so should I just scan all my books and pack up and make a move to California or the untied kingdom. I'm going to give it 5 years and get my math done but by that time if I'm still not in a good situation I'm really considering just up and moving to a whole nother area. I'm not going through a john nash type situation, I read his bio and have already been through most of the stuff he experienced and I think I've beat it all. I've been though most of the east cost so I know what I'm leaving. in a year i'll be moving to either Fairfax,va or providence, ri where I've lived before and had family. I have no friends I can count on to help me, lost most all of them as soon as I went crazy, guess they weren't friends to begin with. the thing is I have some money saved up and I get a ssdi check and could work to supplement my income, enough for rent and food with a little extra left over for the necessities. I guess my question is should I make a move and where too. how hard would it be to get a job in the uk? I'm at the point where I have nothing to lose.