So finding one's soul mate is/is not a lasting thing?

  • Thread starter DoggerDan
  • Start date
  • #1
DoggerDan

Main Question or Discussion Point

So finding one's "soul mate" is/is not a lasting thing?

Demi and Ashton often described themselves as "soul mates." Yet, they're not splitting up. It appears to be Demi's choice, yet Ashton appears to be accepting it without a fight.

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/apnewsbreak-demi-moore-divorce-ashton-kutcher-212845226.html

This isn't about Ashton and Demi, though feel free to use them as an example.

It's about the concept of a "soul mate." I'm not sure I buy into that, particularly if it implies there's "only one" person out there who could be one's "soul mate," as I've met half a dozen ladies over the years with whom I could have steadfastly bonded for the remainder of our lives. I knew it, and they knew it. Unfortunately, my ex wasn't one of them, and those who were, were married, so we didn't go down that road.

I recently met someone who meets a loose description of "soul mate" but who is not married. Being with her is like being with the best friend I've ever had. We just seem to get one another, and enjoy hanging out together. I think it's because we share the same faith, and have shared similar experiences. We both know where things look like they're heading, but we're taking things slow, yet steady.

What do you think about the "soul mate" concept? Yeah? Nay? Somewhere in between?
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
rhody
Gold Member
630
3


It's about the concept of a "soul mate."

I recently met someone who meets a loose description of "soul mate" but who is not married. Being with her is like being with the best friend I've ever had. We just seem to get one another, and enjoy hanging out together. I think it's because we share the same faith, and have shared similar experiences. We both know where things look like they're heading, but we're taking things slow, yet steady.

What do you think about the "soul mate" concept? Yeah? Nay? Somewhere in between?
First, congratulations, I am happy for you Dogger, life is short and we all should try to be happy (with or without a significant other) as we work our way through it. I know what you are saying, some people are more compatible than others, and if the shared values are similar enough and your personalities are compatible enough, then that other person could qualify as a "soulmate" as you prefer to call it. I believe Demi called Aston her "soulmate". That being said, their backgrounds may have stacked the deck against them. Sad to see it play out in the public eye. See the articles from the two sources listed below: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2063270/Ashton-Kutcher-bisexual-Demi-Moore-divorce-amid-claims-couple-practiced-open-marriage.html?ITO=google_news_rss_feed" and if the information written is accurate is a bird of another feather.
'I think they probably had a lot of good times with some other women... Clearly they had a lot of threesomes, that led to twosomes without Demi and that leads to a divorce. I absolutely feel for her.
and
Psychoanalyst Fran Cohen Praver, author of The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain's Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship and a blogger for Psychology Today, feels that Kutcher and Moore's marriage "was doomed from the start. They came together out of weakness."

Praver suggests that Kutcher's cheating ways may have been an attempt to "act out his adolescence. He missed out on that; his fraternal twin brother has a mild case of cerebral palsy and had heart problems, and Ashton was intent on helping out." In marrying the older Moore, Praver adds, Kutcher might have been seeking "a solid mother figure," since his parents divorced when he was a teenager.

Moore's background was equally "unstable," Praver posits: "Both parents were alcoholics, and they moved 40 times. She didn't marry an alcoholic, but she married a cheater, which is the same thing. So both (Kutcher and Moore) never really resolved their pasts. Two halves don't make a whole; both people (in a marriage) have to be strong and independent."
I believe there are people you meet that you may develop that special bond (soul mate) with, regardless of the baggage you bring to the relationship. I have met one or two in my day as well. You never forget them. Best of luck, "taking things slow, yet steady." I wish you well.

Rhody...
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #3
Astronuc
Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
18,749
1,805


I think it depends on the two individuals involved. Both sets of grandparents were together until my grandmothers died, and my parents just passed 55 years together as a married couple, and they were engaged for about 7 years because the universities didn't accommodate married students. So my parents have basically begin together for 62 years.

On the other hand, the majority of couples I know have divorced, at least of my generation and younger.
 
  • #4
rhody
Gold Member
630
3


I think it depends on the two individuals involved. Both sets of grandparents were together until my grandmothers died, and my parents just passed 55 years together as a married couple, and they were engaged for about 7 years because the universities didn't accommodate married students. So my parents have basically begin together for 62 years.

On the other hand, the majority of couples I know have divorced, at least of my generation and younger.
Funny, you bring up the subject of longevity in marriage, a co-worker who has three brothers and three sisters (all married), and between them, now grown adults in their mid to late forties, they have 15 grandchildren, and get this, they are all still married to their first spouse !! The subject of marriage and divorce came up at work today, and he told us his family's amazing story.

Rhody...
 
  • #5
191
3


I don't really agree with the concept of a "Soul Mate", it's all a bit wishy washy, Mr(s) Right is out there, find your Prince(ss) Charming and live happily ever after, fated to be, etc, it makes me sick.

However, I have met a few people over the years that I will be glad to know for the rest of my life. My ex-girlfriend, now just a good friend is one of these people, and I have a male friend that kind of fits this description too. We think the same way, can finish each others sentences, understand each other's quirky humour, like the same music, movies, books, outdoor activities etc...

It's just a compatible personality thing IMHO, I can get along well with almost anyone, but there are a few people in particular who I really click with.
 
  • #6
Evo
Mentor
23,127
2,577


Funny how everyone has a soul mate within 20 miles of wherever they live. :tongue2: If I have a soul mate he's either dead, gay, or married to someone else.

What matters is that you're happy.
 
  • #7
256bits
Gold Member
3,048
1,078


Funny how everyone has a soul mate within 20 miles of wherever they live. :tongue2: If I have a soul mate he's either dead, gay, or married to someone else.

What matters is that you're happy.
My soulmate.
She is somewhere is eastern Europe - I don;t know exactly where, so that makes my soul mate so much more mysterious and interesting and desirable. For only a small sum I can bring my soulmate princess and her family over and we can be together forever and ever in everlasting happiness. If I could only find her.
 
  • #8
Evo
Mentor
23,127
2,577
  • #9
22,097
3,279


Funny how everyone has a soul mate within 20 miles of wherever they live. :tongue2:
Hmm, so somewhere out there is my soulmate... Now the only question is how do I meet her? :biggrin:
 
  • #10
Evo
Mentor
23,127
2,577


Hmm, so somewhere out there is my soulmate... Now the only question is how do I meet her? :biggrin:
She ran off with my soulmate. :frown:
 
  • #11
22,097
3,279


She ran off with my soulmate. :frown:
Awww :frown: Wanna get virtually drunk again?? :tongue:
 
  • #12
Evo
Mentor
23,127
2,577


Awww :frown: Wanna get virtually drunk again?? :tongue:
Let's do it. I want bailey's irish cream.
 
  • #13
22,097
3,279


[PLAIN]http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/10/20/129005629420382342.jpg [Broken]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #14
Evo
Mentor
23,127
2,577


[PLAIN]http://images.cheezburger.com/completestore/2009/10/20/129005629420382342.jpg[/quote]ooohh!!!! [Broken] :!!)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #15
chiro
Science Advisor
4,790
131


Demi and Ashton often described themselves as "soul mates." Yet, they're not splitting up. It appears to be Demi's choice, yet Ashton appears to be accepting it without a fight.

http://omg.yahoo.com/news/apnewsbreak-demi-moore-divorce-ashton-kutcher-212845226.html

This isn't about Ashton and Demi, though feel free to use them as an example.

It's about the concept of a "soul mate." I'm not sure I buy into that, particularly if it implies there's "only one" person out there who could be one's "soul mate," as I've met half a dozen ladies over the years with whom I could have steadfastly bonded for the remainder of our lives. I knew it, and they knew it. Unfortunately, my ex wasn't one of them, and those who were, were married, so we didn't go down that road.

I recently met someone who meets a loose description of "soul mate" but who is not married. Being with her is like being with the best friend I've ever had. We just seem to get one another, and enjoy hanging out together. I think it's because we share the same faith, and have shared similar experiences. We both know where things look like they're heading, but we're taking things slow, yet steady.

What do you think about the "soul mate" concept? Yeah? Nay? Somewhere in between?
Some people have put forward that the idea of a soul-mate is related to that of karma. The idea is that the two souls are ones that have karma related to each other. It's along the lines of people having a strong bond based on their experiences of past lives and the interactions that is contained in these experiences.

Also to the moderators: I know this is scientific forum, and I'm not arguing the veracity of these claims, I'm just putting it out there, so don't extrapolate anything unnecessary out of this please.

But in terms of finding people you can be happy with, I agree there are probably many people that fit this description. Just probabilistically, I can't imagine that for a planet of approximately 6 billion human beings that only 1 in roughly 3 billion is worthy of eternal companionship of that sort.

Personally I think its better to meet many different people in one way or another to really get more out of life because the variation is what gives you great insight, appreciation, and exposure to life in general.
 
  • #16
DaveC426913
Gold Member
18,643
2,115


Recently overheard:

If I had a soul, you'd be its mate.
 
  • #17
1,466
372


Let's do it. I want bailey's irish cream.
I love that stuff!
 
  • #18


I have found my soul-mate. The day we part from each other is the day I'll die. I had to look for him, but I realized quickly that I was looking in the wrong place all along. Then, as if destiny had smiled upon me, he was just there looking back at me.

Through the mirror.
 
  • #19
Evo
Mentor
23,127
2,577


I have found my soul-mate. The day we part from each other is the day I'll die. I had to look for him, but I realized quickly that I was looking in the wrong place all along. Then, as if destiny had smiled upon me, he was just there looking back at me.

Through the mirror.
lol.
 
  • #20
Deveno
Science Advisor
906
6


if there is such a thing, it must be rare. the odds are stacked against it: how many people are in the world, and what tiny fraction of them are you ever going to meet?

and how many of us even deserve such a thing? we humans are a tawdry lot, given to short-sightedness, and preoccupation with the trivial. an eternal, perfect love? why does this conjure up the idea of some hideous but lucrative infomercial?

and what of the people we are with, the people who we mistook for soul-mates, but actually aren't? who are we to say that any person we know is not deserving of the best we have to give them? surely treating other people with a certain lack of love and respect is a greater mis-deed than failing to find a soul-mate.

as for myself, i have resigned myself to give up such a quixotic notion. perhaps i am the less for it. perhaps someone out there would be "a perfect match", but (expletive deleted).

because you know what? the woman i am with may not be perfect for me. we fight sometimes, she is not my perfect sexual fantasy, often we don't even understand each other. yet, i am happy. i strive to be as kind and compassionate as i can....for i know not if she may be god sent down to judge me. i believe that almost anyone has wonders to share, if you are patient enough, and tend their garden well.

my advice is: take what love you can find, and give what love you have, where you are, right now. life is short, and the idea of a soul-mate is perhaps a pitiful excuse to be less than we could be, perhpas even a pernicious idea that does more harm than good.

(dryly, i note it DOES help to sell magazines)
 
  • #21
101
0


the important thing is that you find the girl or guy of your dream
 
  • #22


I'm not sure that i believe there is such a thing as a "soul mate" but if I did, I've got two. They consider me theirs. Really it's just about a bond we have, even if we aren't together romantically. One is my best friend--we are very, very different people but have had similar adversities; the other is my ex--and again it's about a fundamental need being met, that you can't just get everywhere that sort of creates a bond, and forces acceptance. To this day, he and I can talk forever about something and there is closeness in that because it's not something we can do with just anyone. But even "soulmates" aren't necessarily meant to be together.
 
  • #23
DaveC426913
Gold Member
18,643
2,115


I have found my soul-mate. The day we part from each other is the day I'll die. I had to look for him, but I realized quickly that I was looking in the wrong place all along. Then, as if destiny had smiled upon me, he was just there looking back at me.

Through the mirror.
And a bonus side effect is that your soul mate will never 'not be in the mood' when you are...

OTOH, children are out of the question.

:devil:

And you get to wear this cool T:
mirror_gawker_narcissist_light_grey_tshirt-p235120005705405147z7s3d_152.jpg
 
Last edited:
  • #24
918
16


What you see in a soulmate depends on you, not them. For instance, in my soulmate I see a charming carefree will o' the wisp with a beautiful heart. On the other hand my wife sees an interfering homewrecker.
 
  • #25
Deveno
Science Advisor
906
6


What you see in a soulmate depends on you, not them. For instance, in my soulmate I see a charming carefree will o' the wisp with a beautiful heart. On the other hand my wife sees an interfering homewrecker.
i laughed so hard i choked on my cofeee
 

Related Threads on So finding one's soul mate is/is not a lasting thing?

  • Last Post
2
Replies
32
Views
5K
Replies
16
Views
3K
  • Last Post
Replies
11
Views
4K
  • Poll
  • Last Post
3
Replies
50
Views
10K
  • Last Post
Replies
23
Views
3K
  • Last Post
Replies
11
Views
2K
  • Last Post
2
Replies
31
Views
3K
Replies
40
Views
10K
  • Last Post
2
Replies
29
Views
3K
  • Last Post
Replies
7
Views
3K
Top