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Stephan Hawking report

  1. Apr 22, 2006 #1
    I know this isn't secience realted but this is about a famous physicst.
    I had to right 24 sentnces this weekend(It's not the finale report) about him.
    The entire report is worth to test grades.I just want to make sure the infromation and gramer is correct
    Is there anything worng?
  2. jcsd
  3. Apr 22, 2006 #2


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    Erm, i am no master of the english language but, (he was been) sounds a
    little strange.
  4. Apr 22, 2006 #3


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    I think there are some minor errors in your passage:
    Stephen Hawking was born on January 8 1942 exactly 300 years of the death of Galileo. His parents were Frank and Isobel Hawking; he had two younger sisters and (there should not be an 'and' here, you can try a comma instead) Philippa and Mary, and an adoptive brother, Edward. They moved to St Albans,England while when he was eight and he later went to St. Albans school when he was eleven. He went to Oxford University to study cosmology. When he was 21 he was diagnosed with Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS); when he was diagnosed he was expected to live for 2 years. Even though he is (Should there be an 'is' here?) expected to live for only 2 years he married Judy Bachrach. They had three Children; they had one daughter, Lucy, and two son., (It should be changed to ': one daughter, Lucy, and two sons,') Robert and Timothy. He later wrote a popular cosmology book called a brief history of time. He wrote it because he needed money for his nursing cost and he wanted money to help pay for his children's education.His most famous work in cosmology is on the (not sure if there should be a 'the' here or not...) black holes. He discovered that the second law of thermodynamics, entropy could be applied to black holes which means that what has entropy has tempter has radiation and what has radiation means that it can emit light so he found that black holes aren’t black they glow. He became the lucasian professor of mathematics at Cambridge university a position once held by Sir Isaac Newton. He was been (this should be 'was', or 'has been') given many awards. He became a commander of the British Empire and became a companion of honor. He works at Cambridge university.
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2006
  5. Apr 22, 2006 #4
    VietDao has pretty much corrected your writing; however, the following could be written in a better way.

    He discovered that the second law of thermodynamics, entropy could be applied to black holes which means that what has entropy has tempter has radiation and what has radiation means that it can emit light so he found that black holes aren’t black they glow.

    Notwithstanding my lack of knowledge on this particular subject, I'd write it as:

    He discovered that the second law of thermodynamics, entropy, could be applied to black holes. This means that if something has entropy, it also has tempter and radiation... and something that has radiation can emit light. So he found that black holes aren't black, but that they glow.
  6. Apr 22, 2006 #5


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    Below, I suggest corrections to factual accuracy, grammar, spelling, and style. It's very possible that many of the errors are just typos or came about from being a little absent-minded. So, when I point out errors that are in fact errors of carelessness, I'm not trying to be mean or petty. And I'm not much aware of Hawking's biographical details, so I can say nothing about that.

    --begin text--
    Insert comma after 1942
    A period would be preferable to a semicolon
    Remove the "and" and put in a comma.
    It isn't elegant to say where they moved to, unless you've previously mentioned where they lived before they moved. Perhaps, in your opening line, you could say where Hawking was born.
    Capitalize the L and S in 'lateral sclerosis'.
    This is redundant. I would replace this segmet with 'and'.
    This part of the sentence is also redundant. You could instead use something like "Despite this knowledge..."
    Probably just a typo, but 'son.' should be 'sons'. The use of "they had" after the semicolon is redundant. 'Children' should not be capitalized. In fact, that entire first clause ,"They had three children," is logically redundant, given that they had a daughter and two sons.
    The title of the book should be capitalized and italicized - A Brief History of Time.
    That should be 'children's education'. Do you have a direct quote from Hawking where he gives these reasons for writing the book ?
    That's fine.
    This last sentence is incorrect in terms of the physics. But if you insist on keeping it, it is also grammatically wrong and could use splitting up into 2 or 3 sentences. And 'tempter', I think, should be spelled 'temperature'.
    Capitalize L and P in 'lucasian professor', and U in 'university'.
    I would write is differently :
    He has been given many awards and titles, including Commander of the British Empire and Companion of Honour.

    Note the capitalization and spelling changes.
    In it's present form, this is virtually redundant. I would eliminate it, or merge it with the content of the other similar statement.

    --end text--
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2006
  7. Apr 23, 2006 #6
    Thanks for the help.I added everything that you suggested.
    This what I have so far.
    Gokul4301, can you please tell me what's worng(in physical terms) about black holes or did Geographer corect it.
    I don't have a quote form Hawking.But it did say in his biography and my teacher already has the notecards for the resarch.
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2006
  8. Apr 23, 2006 #7


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    Why don't you just write about a more important physicist, like Einstein, Newton, Evo, or maybe a great mathematician like Euler or Gokul?
  9. Apr 23, 2006 #8
    I did Einstien last year.I'am going to report on Newton later(maybe next year)
  10. Apr 26, 2006 #9


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    Here are a few more suggested edits.. actually i notice a few of mine are also mentioned by Gokul, but you haven't changed them yet..

    (suggest) ... exactly 300 years since the death of ...

    [Also ... the three little dots means there is more text before (...text) or
    after (text...) but don't include the dots in your final text.]

    (suggest) ... and an adopted brother ...

    (use while or when, not both of them)

    (suggest) He was 21 when diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) and expected to live only two years.

    (suggest) ... They had three children; a daughter Lucy and two sons, Robert and Timothy.

    (suggest capitalizing and italicizing title of book) A Brief History of Time
    (suggest) ... nursing costs and to help pay for his ...

    (suggest deleting the three little dots) it also has radiation and something that has radiation, can

    (suggest deleting what I bolded, you already covered that)

    (suggest) capitalize first letter in Mathematics
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2006
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