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Programs Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applicatio

  1. Jul 14, 2011 #1
    My mother had a dream that there should at least be one child who goes into the field of medicine and comes out as a doctor. She always used to motivate me to excel in studies be it any subject, mathematics, sciences, geography etc. But as time passed my interest developed more towards the branch of science which is known as the mother of all sciences, Physics. I always had that feeling inside me as to why things appear as they do, the fundamental questions like how and why things function the way they do, why universe exists the way it does, the role of electrons, protons in universe caught my eye and there was no looking back and I took up Physics at high school level and the journey still continues.

    I completed my B.Sc. (Hons.) Physics from Sri Venkateswara College, University of Delhi. The program enriched my knowledge with a diversified range of subjects like Physics of Materials, Electronics, Mathematical Physics, Mechanics, Electromagnetism and many more.
    The hunger for knowledge didn’t end at the B.Sc. level as I was too fascinated by the logical and harmonious solutions physics provides to the problems encountered. I have completed my M.Sc. in Physics from University of Delhi (INDIA) with specialization in Physics at Nanoscale comprising both experimental and theoretical work. I also have theoretical specialization in Plasma Physics as well as Advanced Solid State Theory. The course Physics at Nanoscale was introduced for the first time and I just couldn’t take any other course as at that point of time I knew that it will certainly help me in my career as it is just not restricted to the domain of physics enabling me to widen my career prospects as it has an interdisciplinary approach.

    During the nano science course in the 3rd and the 4th semester of my M.Sc. course, I had the opportunity to do various mini projects on a scale of research level which enhanced my knowledge on how things work at nano level . I operated sensitive and costly equipments (AFM,SEM,Impedance spcetrometer etc ) myself which increased my confidence and instilling in me the faith that I am capable to work in a research based environment. Another important event that further instills confidence in me to go ahead with a research career is the dissertation that I undertook during my fourth semester. In less time, a lot of work had to be done such as preparing glass and then studying its various properties. Some days I was the only student doing my work late at night with just one goal in mind that I should present a successful seminar at the end of my work . The work was greatly appreciated by my supervisor. The experience of doing a dissertation gave me a lot of confidence and faith in my abilities that I have that scientific temper and approach that is needed to have as a future researcher.

    On the theoretical aspect of the nanoscale course, the thing that I relate to is the biological aspect of the nanoparticles such as sensors, drug delivery mechanisms etc. My father who was a victim of cancer which still kills millions of people worldwide can now be tackled with rapid developments taking place in the field of nano medicince. This hugely motivates and propels me to achieve and make a mark in this field. I just feel connected to it as I see myself indirectly helping the society at large with my research in nano bioscience. Also indirectly this enables me to partly realize my mother’s dream of going into the field of medicine. Though not a doctor but with research in the field of nano bioscience I will surely help society at large.

    The XXX is a world renowned institute and the kind of research being currently undertaken at your institute is not present in my country. Thus I want to join XXX and do research in the field of nano bioscience which will surely help me widen my knowledge as well as develop skill set and an enhanced outlook in the field of nano bioscience ultimately leading to the realization of my sole aim as a researcher that is to help the society and mankind .
     
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  3. Jul 14, 2011 #2

    EWH

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    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    Not bad. I have some picky little changes to suggest:

    "My mother had a dream..." this should be about your motivation, not your mother's. (Though no doubt she has ways of persuading, the professors aren't subject to them.) Rework.

    "I always had that feeling inside me as to why.." reword for clarity.
    "...universe caught my eye and there..." need a sentence break in there somewhere.

    "...and the journey still continues." cliche

    "diversified range" -> "diverse range" or "wide range"

    "provides to the problems encountered." -> "provides to problems."
    "(INDIA)" -> "(India)"

    "at Nanoscale comprising" -> "at Nanoscale, comprising" (comma)


    "The course Physics at Nanoscale was introduced for the first time and I just couldn’t take any other course as at that point of time I knew that it will certainly help me in my career as it is just not restricted to the domain of physics enabling me to widen my career prospects as it has an interdisciplinary approach."
    Rework to something like:
    "My university introduced a new [course? program?][ in "Physics at Nanoscale". I knew I had to be part of it; the possibility of exiting work and applications and its interdisciplinary breadth made it irresistible."


    "3rd and the 4th semester" spell out 3rd, 4th

    "various mini projects" -> "various small projects"

    "on how things" -> "of how things"

    "how things work at nano level ." ->"how things work at the nanoscale."

    "I operated sensitive and costly equipments" -> "...equipment"

    "...which increased my confidence and instilling in me the faith that I am capable to work in a research based environment. " -> ",[comma] which increased my confidence that I am capable of working in a research-based environment."

    "Another important event " -> "Another important experience"

    "me to go ahead with a" -> "me to pursue a"

    "that I undertook" -> "that I produced"

    "In less time, a lot of work had to be done such as preparing glass and then studying its various properties." to something like:
    "I had to do a great deal of work in very little time - for instance, preparing many samples of glass and measuring and recording their various properties."


    "one goal in mind that I " ->"one goal in mind: that I"

    "The experience of doing a dissertation gave me a lot of confidence and faith in my abilities that I have that scientific temper and approach that is needed to have as a future researcher." -> "The experience of doing a dissertation gave me a lot of confidence in my abilities, a faith that I have that scientific temper and approach needed to be a researcher."

    "My father who was a victim of cancer which still kills millions of people worldwide can now be tackled with rapid developments taking place in the field of nano medicince. " to something like:
    "My father was a victim of cancer, [a type of?] cancer which millions of others have, which can now be tackled with rapid developments taking place in the field of nano-medicine. "

    "I just feel connected to it as I see myself indirectly helping the society at large with my research in nano bioscience." -> "I feel connected to it; I want to help society with my research in nano-bioscience."

    "Also indirectly this enables me to partly realize my mother’s dream of going into the field of medicine. Though not a doctor but with research in the field of nano bioscience I will surely help society at large." - cut this.

    "The XXX is a world renowned institute and the kind of research being currently undertaken at your institute is not present in my country." -> "The XXX is world-renowned and the kind of research now being conducted at your institution is not being done in my country."

    "Thus I want to join XXX and do research in the field of nano bioscience which will surely help me widen my knowledge as well as develop skill set and an enhanced outlook in the field of nano bioscience ultimately leading to the realization of my sole aim as a researcher that is to help the society and mankind ." to something like:
    "Thus I hope to be able to study at XXX, helping with the work being done there, and, I sincerely hope, helping humankind throughout my career as a researcher.


    ***
    Also, off topic, this reminded me of an http://www.gocomics.com/doonesbury/1972/03/19" [Broken] (Too bad it's a bit hard to read.)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 5, 2017
  4. Jul 14, 2011 #3
    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    thank you so much for your suggestions
     
  5. Jul 15, 2011 #4
    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    any more improvements people ?
     
  6. Jul 17, 2011 #5
    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    My only suggestion is reword the last sentence, it's way too long. Just break it up a bit.
     
  7. Jul 17, 2011 #6
    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    Get rid of the first paragraph.

    The most important advice that I have to give to anyone writing a Ph.D. statement of purpose is *DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD*. Nobody on the admissions committee cares about your childhood, especially after they've read several dozen statements in which people talk about their childhood, and basically say the exact same thing.
     
  8. Jul 17, 2011 #7
    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    Second problem. Not enough detail. I can't tell from this statement what research you did. If it's a good statement, then I should be able to go into a literature database and get some citations, but I can't figure that out out from what you have written. If you have them, it helps if you name your professor and if you have any pointers to papers that your group has written, that would be useful.

    Just as an example of the problem: Another important event that further instills confidence in me to go ahead with a research career is the dissertation that I undertook during my fourth semester.

    You can at least put the title of your dissertation here.

    Third problem. You talk about the research at the institution that you are applying to, but I can't figure out what research that is.
     
  9. Jul 18, 2011 #8
    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    Deleted the first paragraph , made some changes .

    I completed my B.Sc. (Hons.) Physics from Sri Venkateswara College, University of Delhi. The program enriched my knowledge with a diverse range of subjects like Physics of Materials, Electronics, Mathematical Physics, Mechanics, Electromagnetism and many more.

    The hunger for knowledge didn’t end at the B.Sc. level as I was too fascinated by the logical and harmonious solutions physics provides to the problems. I have completed my M.Sc. Physics from University of Delhi (India) with specialization in Physics at Nanoscale, comprising both experimental and theoretical work. I also have theoretical specialization in Plasma Physics as well as Advanced Solid State Theory. My university introduced a new course (Physics at Nanoscale) for the first time and I just knew I had to be a part of it; the possibility of working in an exciting environment comprising sophisticated instruments, applications and interdisciplinary breadth made it irresistible.
    During the nano science course in the 3rd and the 4th semester of my M.Sc. course, I had the opportunity to do various small projects on a scale of research level which enhanced my knowledge of how things work at nanoscale. I operated sensitive and costly equipment (AFM, SEM, Impedance spectrometer, etc.) myself, which increased my confidence that I am capable to work in a research based environment. Another important experience that further instills confidence in me to pursue with a research career is the dissertation (Ion Transport Mechanism in Glasses) that I produced during my fourth semester. I had to do a great deal of work in very little time - for instance, preparing many samples of potassium silicate glass with different composition of potassium in the mixture which was a difficult task under available conditions. After annealing, cutting and polishing the samples, these were subjected to conductivity tests through an Impedance spectrometer and structural tests through a raman spectrometer. Some days I was the only student doing my work late at night with just one goal in mind that I should present a successful seminar at the end of my work. The work was greatly appreciated by my supervisor Dr. Sevi Murugavel. The experience of doing a dissertation gave me a lot of confidence in my abilities, a faith that I have that scientific temper and approach needed to be a researcher.

    On the theoretical aspect of the nanoscale course, the thing that I relate to is the application of nanoparticles to the subject of biology leading to development of bio sensors, NMR, drug delivery systems, cancer treatment etc. My father was a victim of tongue cancer and millions of others suffer from some form of cancer which can now be tackled with rapid developments taking place in the field of nano-medicine. This hugely motivates and propels me to achieve and make a mark in the field of nano-medicine. I feel connected to it; I want to help society with my research in nano bioscience. Though not a doctor but with research in the field of nano bioscience I will surely help society at large.

    The XXX is a world-renowned institute and the kind of interdisciplinary research in the field of nano-medicine, bio engineering now being conducted at your institution is not being done in my country. The kind of exposure in the field of nano bioscience that will be available to me after joining your institute will be invaluable for my career as that of a researcher. Thus I hope to be able to study at XXX , helping with the work being done there, and, I sincerely hope, helping humankind throughout my career as a researcher.
     
  10. Jul 18, 2011 #9
    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    This is not supposed to be some flowery piece of prose. I agree with the other posters that the first paragraph had to go, but seriously consider a more concrete letter. I don't know if you're applying to US colleges, but their eyes then to glaze over at every cliche and every "I want to change the world". For your own sake, I would look over this again and make it as clean, professional, cliche-free, and specific as you could.
     
  11. Jul 18, 2011 #10
    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    suggest the changes ,this is the first time I am writing a motivation letter ...
     
  12. Jul 18, 2011 #11

    jk

    User Avatar

    Re: Suggest improvements in this motivation letter which is to be sent for PhD applic

    This is probably a cultural thing but your tone comes off as a little rude. Try the following:
    "Please suggest the changes..."
    This kind of stuff is very important to learn
     
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