Tell me everythings gonna be alright

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Main Question or Discussion Point

I got this girl in my class with whom I've been sitting next for the second semester in college. She's got tan skin, deep big eyes, slender build and and a face that reminds of Jasmine from Alladin. She doesn't wear makeup to her hide features but to accent it. She dresses like Zoey Deschanel without the flare but with the dignity. She wants to become an engineer with those pretty little hands and innocence. Even the sound of her clearing her throat reeks of exquisite femininity.

Today she became friends with a different dude from my class whom I barely know. They talked and seemed to walk away together all while I was pretending to be concentrating. God, is there any stronger piercing feeling thru your heart than to lose your precious in from of your eyes. Truth to be told, I had many chances but I could not walk with her and make her feel safe and engaged.
 

Answers and Replies

  • #2
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Everything is gonna be alright, don't worry. After a while, there will be other women.

But if you want her, compete. Dont stay and look passively at how another man takes what you want.
 
  • #3
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Thanks I really needed someone to tell me anything.
 
  • #4
lisab
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DanP's right. This will pass, eventually. But it sure is a bad feeling when it's raw and fresh.

But it's not over. Make a point to talk with her more in the next few days.
 
  • #5
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But it sure is a bad feeling when it's raw and fresh.
Yeah, but here you get an unexpected ally from math. Regression to mean.

Chances are that after the worst day of your life the next day will be brighter. Its refreshing:smile:
 
  • #6
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You have to be direct. Go over to her, tell her your name if she doesn't already know it, and say that you have something important to tell her, so if she has a few minutes to go sit down somewhere and get a cup of coffee or something, you would appreciate it very much. Then, when you're situated to have a conversation, tell her you have been admiring her secretly but you were too bashful to say so, but now you realize it's important to tell her about it very plainly. Do NOT say that you are doing this because she's physically attractive. Explain that you believe that she and you could develop a real friendship, and you want to find out what interests she and you may have in common. If she tells you about her beliefs, ideas, hobbies, biography, etc., do mostly listening carefully to her, or asking her about herself, and only ten percent talking about yourself, unless she asks you for more details. If you find that there is anything you have in common, focus on that at first, so if you both like guitar music or ice skating or whatever it might be, talking about that common subject for about four minutes will make it easier to discover additional topics. Since you were in school together, you can also talk about "I found chapter five in that textbook to be the most difficult one", etc. If she reveals that she has a worry or a problem, communicate the fact that she may feel free to talk to you about her feelings at any time, and you will always be there to be a good listener and a good friend. Prepare in the near future to give her a non-intimate gift, for example, an unusual brand of herbal tea, or a book about art, or something like that.
 
  • #7
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Destroy her new found friend and claim her as your own!
 
  • #8
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I think I may have just got testosterone poisoning.
 
  • #9
turbo
Gold Member
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Just say "hi". If you're a bit fragile or unsure of yourself, some ladies will be drawn to you. No harm, no foul.
 
  • #10
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It's so much better to be shot down by a woman than to imagine hundreds of way you could be together while other guys pick her up.
 
  • #11
106
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You have to be direct. Go over to her, tell her your name if she doesn't already know it, and say that you have something important to tell her, so if she has a few minutes to go sit down somewhere and get a cup of coffee or something, you would appreciate it very much. Then, when you're situated to have a conversation, tell her you have been admiring her secretly but you were too bashful to say so, but now you realize it's important to tell her about it very plainly. Do NOT say that you are doing this because she's physically attractive. Explain that you believe that she and you could develop a real friendship, and you want to find out what interests she and you may have in common. If she tells you about her beliefs, ideas, hobbies, biography, etc., do mostly listening carefully to her, or asking her about herself, and only ten percent talking about yourself, unless she asks you for more details. If you find that there is anything you have in common, focus on that at first, so if you both like guitar music or ice skating or whatever it might be, talking about that common subject for about four minutes will make it easier to discover additional topics. Since you were in school together, you can also talk about "I found chapter five in that textbook to be the most difficult one", etc. If she reveals that she has a worry or a problem, communicate the fact that she may feel free to talk to you about her feelings at any time, and you will always be there to be a good listener and a good friend. Prepare in the near future to give her a non-intimate gift, for example, an unusual brand of herbal tea, or a book about art, or something like that.
Mushy.

Look good, be clean, get noticed, invite her out on a date, don't tell that "you admiring her secretly", you dont want her to know she owns your world , let her know you are interested (forget real friendship, it wont get you a second date in most cases) , forget talking about textbooks. Gifts ? After she is your girlfriend. Not before.

If she reveals at the first date that she has "a problem" you can expect an endless string of problems to come later. Run while you can.
 
  • #12
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I think I may have just got testosterone poisoning.
How does it feel ?
 
  • #13
Choppy
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When I was fifteen I knew a girl I was too shy to ask out. I just admired her from afar and instead of who she really was, she became this ficticious, perfect person. The longer I waited, the more she became this artificial person - an extrapolation based on what she looked like. As time went on, it got more difficut to approach her because that risked shattering everything I had built her up to be.

That summer she moved away. I barely said five words to her all year.

There was another girl the next year - just as hot if not more so. She worked at McDonald's with a few of my friends. I never worked there myself, but it was something of a local hangout. Eventually I worked up the nerve to ask her out.

She totally shot me down.

But you know it really is the one that I didn't make a play for that I regret the most.
 
  • #14
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I think the best thing you can do is just ask her out to coffee or something. As long as you at least try asking her out, I think you'll be able to move past this if it doesn't work out, because there is nothing worse than just thinking if only I did such and such we would be dating right now.
 
  • #15
Dembadon
Gold Member
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I think I may have just got testosterone poisoning.
:rofl:

I got this girl in my class with whom I've been sitting next for the second semester in college. She's got tan skin, deep big eyes, slender build and and a face that reminds of Jasmine from Alladin. She doesn't wear makeup to her hide features but to accent it. She dresses like Zoey Deschanel without the flare but with the dignity. She wants to become an engineer with those pretty little hands and innocence. Even the sound of her clearing her throat reeks of exquisite femininity.

Today she became friends with a different dude from my class whom I barely know. They talked and seemed to walk away together all while I was pretending to be concentrating. God, is there any stronger piercing feeling thru your heart than to lose your precious in from of your eyes. Truth to be told, I had many chances but I could not walk with her and make her feel safe and engaged.
DanP has the right idea with regards to being proactive about engaging with her in some way, but I'd advise against seeing her as something you need to claim.

Asking her out to coffee (or on a date) might be a bit too bold for your current situation. You need an "icebreaker." Wait for an opportunity to discuss something related to a class assignment or something similar. Casually mention your struggle with a concept and/or specific problem from a recent assignment; ask her how she did on a particularly difficult section; or simply smile at her from time to time. I can tell that you are apprehensive about approaching her, but you're going to need to gather some courage and take a step. Trust me, it's not going to be as bad as you think it's going to be, but it will end up much worse if you take no step(s) at all.
 
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  • #16
378
2
I got this girl in my class with whom I've been sitting next for the second semester in college. She's got tan skin, deep big eyes, slender build and and a face that reminds of Jasmine from Alladin. She doesn't wear makeup to her hide features but to accent it. She dresses like Zoey Deschanel without the flare but with the dignity. She wants to become an engineer with those pretty little hands and innocence. Even the sound of her clearing her throat reeks of exquisite femininity.

Today she became friends with a different dude from my class whom I barely know. They talked and seemed to walk away together all while I was pretending to be concentrating. God, is there any stronger piercing feeling thru your heart than to lose your precious in from of your eyes. Truth to be told, I had many chances but I could not walk with her and make her feel safe and engaged.
I was interested in a a girl like that very recently. More I knew her, more retard she appeared. Maybe I went with bit high expectations.
 
  • #17
106
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I was interested in a a girl like that very recently. More I knew her,
more retard she appeared. Maybe I went with bit high expectations.
Have you done her ?

Our perceptions change drastically depending whatever we are rejected or not. Being shut out makes one vindictive. Think about it ?
 
  • #18
378
2
Have you done her ?

Our perceptions change drastically depending whatever we are rejected or not. Being shut out makes one vindictive. Think about it ?
Nopes, never asked her out. My perceptions changed the moment I talked to her the first time :rofl: OP doesn't seem to know the girl other than how she looks. I was trying to make a point that you need to know more than looks before giving in... (maybe).
 
  • #19
106
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. I was trying to make a point that you need to know more than looks before giving in... (maybe).
Well, chances are you aint gonna marry her anyway. So why don't give it a shoot ? Maybe it works out for the best :P
 
  • #20
BobG
Science Advisor
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When I was fifteen I knew a girl I was too shy to ask out. I just admired her from afar and instead of who she really was, she became this ficticious, perfect person. The longer I waited, the more she became this artificial person - an extrapolation based on what she looked like. As time went on, it got more difficut to approach her because that risked shattering everything I had built her up to be.

That summer she moved away. I barely said five words to her all year.

Sometimes you're better off with just a picture of her.


Paul Simon said:
If you took all the girls I knew
When I was single
And brought them all together for one night
I know they'd never match
my sweet imagination
everything looks WORSE in black and white

Kodachrome
They give us those nice bright colors
They give us the greens of summers
Makes you think all the world's a sunny day, Oh yeah
I got a Nikon camera
I love to take a photograph
So mama don't take my Kodachrome away
I like this song. I have a Nikon Coolpix P5000. Much better than that old Olympus I used to have. That one had a tendency to jump out of my backpack and hide in the branches of pine trees. It's probably still hanging from a pine tree up on Almahgre Mountain.
 
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  • #21
106
1
Sometimes you're better off with just a picture of her.
Why "her" when I can use a picture of Jessica Biel :devil:
 
  • #22
19
1
Why "her" when I can use a picture of Jessica Biel :devil:
Because Jessica Biel is even more fictitious!:tongue:
 
  • #23
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1
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