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The EX

  1. May 14, 2005 #1
    everyone comes on here and complains about there girl problems, so i want to complain about my boy issues....

    I broke up with my fiance a while ago. Weird circumstances, its for the best, but it killed me.... he'd found another girl....
    so i had just met this guy, and he and i became friends, and then we started like, dating i guess... i dunno... i wasn't ready for a relationship at all. and i'm still not... and i've told him this...
    i'm so weak, i can't stop trying to talk to my EX. i feel awful. i always have to ask him about things. i ask about this new girl. i tell him how upset i am. i tell him about my new guy, and how confused i am. i tell him how i look at our old photos... i ask if he does. i ask if he remembers that time... or what he did with the poster i made him. or the videos i created. tell him i hate him for doing this to me, tell him it was best that we broke up.... ugh... i'm horrible. Everyone says i just shouldn't talk to him. but i dunno... i'm not that way... i dunno...

    i feel horrible for this guy i'm semi-dating... he's super nice, and i do like him a lot. but how do i know if he's a rebound guy? or something more? or nothing?

    my EX has such a nice family.... i miss that most. it is best we broke up, but its things like his family that i miss. and i miss having someone to take goofy pictures for. and i miss phone calls before bed. i don't miss him so much in particular anymore. he wasn't right for me obviously.
    i hate him.
    i love him.
    i kinda am indifferent in some ways.

    i don't want to get back together at all. i want to move on.

    heh, before we broke up, i had excellent grades, then we broke up... and the started dropping steadily until the end of the year.... that makes me feel so stupid you know? letting it effect me like that. i didn't even realize it. thats the worst part. i thought i was fine.

    this has to be the most incoherent thing i've written... its all over the place. but thats how i am right now. i need to just move on. i suck at it though. maybe... i think i'm moving on... but everyone else says otherwise. i mean, i'm hurt. and i want to validate my feelings, and i want to feel good.... but i'm trying to move on as well... i dunno...
    thoughts? advice? help?

    maybe i shouldn't see this new guy anymore eh? i wonder if thats made things better or worse? maybe i should just be single and lonely for a while. or maybe i shoul date more? no relationships, but lots of casual flings? i dunno... its weird... so much stuff going on right now... yet i feel like its nothing... yet a ton... and i dunno....

    augh, i'm done, sorry...
     
  2. jcsd
  3. May 14, 2005 #2
    Every relationship that I've seen end has led to some form of a rebound one. My friend broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years and then dated someone he hated for a long time - they only lasted a month or so.

    I think the problem is that being with someone can become so comfortable that when he or she gets taken away, an emotional part of you is temporarily taken away until you can recover and adapt.

    I can't say whether this new guy is right for you or not, but is it fair to him that you still talk to your ex? Or that you think about your ex alot? Does your boyfriend know about this?

    Relationships can suck,
    Jameson
     
  4. May 14, 2005 #3

    Evo

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    Your post makes perfect sense to me. You're in mourning over your relationship. Sounds like your ex and his family were a big part of your life and now that's gone. There would be something wrong with you if you weren't going through this kind of emotional and physical readjustment.

    It's very hard to go through what you are going through right now and there is no one answer that will "fix" things. It's just going to take time for you to readjust.

    You've been honest with the new guy and he's chosen to stick around you even though he knows what you're going through. Not your fault. Just continue to be honest with yourself and him about your feelings.

    Gale, you are so smart and so cute, and funny, and witty, and clever.

    I wish I could give you the secret to getting over a lost love, but I don't have it. Sometimes it's easier to get over someone if you stop talking to them and sometimes it's easier if you slowly wean yourself away. Try both and see which makes you feel better. (damn I'm good at giving out advice!! I could be the next Dear Abby). :biggrin:

    One thing that helps is crying a lot, seriously. You'll feel better after a good cry.
     
  5. May 14, 2005 #4

    loseyourname

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    Aren't you 17? Even if you weren't, you sound to me like the last person on earth that should be getting engaged to anyone. Take it easy and stop worrying so much. If you have a good time with the guy you're going out with, keep doing it. Just have a good time and forget about how to label and pigeonhole your relationship. It is what it is and let it be just that. It will end, and when it does, that's perfectly all right.
     
  6. May 14, 2005 #5

    JamesU

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    Believe me, we do not need any more complaining in this forum

    sen your ex pictures of you and this new person. Then key his car and put popcorn in the exhaust pipe(if you're really mad) :devil:
    get over it, he found someone else. unless you want to go for the impossible and do what they do in those stupid romantic movies
     
  7. May 14, 2005 #6
    ummm.... hmm..... well.... hmm.... yes, i'm 17.... i er....

    this new guy isn't my boyfriend... i really don't want a new boyfriend. i mean, i'd love, LOVE the security of a new relationship, but i'm soooo not ready. and i we're just like... dating... not bf/gf... thats allowed right? at the same time though, sometimes i get into moods where i just want to be cared for and about, and i dunno... i wish i was better at just casual flirting... thats what i want right now... i think...

    I'm sick of crying... but i know what you mean evo. i kinda wish i could cry, but i have nothing to cry about... so i feel stupid crying. i hate sobbing, and being like "god, i just feel miserable... but everything seems to be working out quite normally... AUGH!" you know? i mean, i really believe its best we broke up... so why am i so sad? i don't want to get back together... and i'm not even very lonely cause at least i have someone else to be around. so i feel miserable, and i can't justify it.

    the other thing is this: before my EX and i broke up, i asked for a little time off... i wanted to adjust to college and everything, and i wanted a little freedom to meet people without feeling so attatched to him. when i was with him, i was very uptight, and i didn't talk to any other boys cause i was afraid my ex would think i was unfaithful. so i wanted to take a break from the relationship a bit... so that i could meet new people, including guys, and not feel so weird. another reason was because my ex couldn't do math.... i know it sounds lame... but i started just getting really... he couldn't even do algebra.... i just started thinking "i'm gonna spend my whole life with someone who can't do algebra?" and it weirded me out. this new guy also isn't very good at math... i think he's better at algebra, but not much.... i feel shallow... at least with this new guy, i don't feel like i'm gonna be with him forever, so the math skills isn't such a big deal. but i also just feel odd spending time with him, assuming that we'll break up or whatever.

    another, other, thing: i really really want a family. My family is really disfuctional, and i hate being home, cause we all can't stand eachother. My ex's family was soooo nice. they had parties and barbeques, and i played with the cousins, and it was so awesome. when i thought i'd be getting married soon, i loved imagining that sort of stuff in my own back yard. I was really looking forward to starting my own family... i know i'm young... i know i know i know... and everytime i mention this to someone, they're like "you're nuts! you're a kid!" but i dunno... i know i have to wait, but... i dunno.... i just miss thinking that that reality was so close.....
     
  8. May 14, 2005 #7
    I am pretty sure this is what's really bugging you. You feel you've lost alot more than just a boyfriend: more like a whole different lifestyle that really appealed to you.
     
  9. May 14, 2005 #8

    Clausius2

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    :rofl:

    this comes to demonstrate women are the most difficult thing to understand in this world. I hope some day I'll be able to do it.

    I have seen only few times a person with such ability for expressing her thoughts so explicitly as you make it when writting. It seems you are printing your thoughts exactly as you feel them.

    I would say your last fiance has been an stupid guy. Don't worry about him and his family. You are too young and surely you will find someone much better.
     
  10. May 14, 2005 #9

    cronxeh

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    Gale:

    been there, done that. statistically speaking there are a million guys better than him and more perfect for you.

    go with the rebound guy, map him down to last chromosome and see if he is right, if not - search for a new guy.

    simple.
     
  11. May 14, 2005 #10

    dextercioby

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    Ya,ya,ya,especially the chromosome test.Vital.:approve:

    BTW,you have an enormous amount of thnking,now that school's over...

    Daniel.
     
  12. May 14, 2005 #11

    cronxeh

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    is this guy running for the fastest sperm award or what
     
  13. May 14, 2005 #12

    dextercioby

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    I have a hunch she doesn't know his "speed" yet...:tongue2:

    Daniel.
     
  14. May 14, 2005 #13

    cronxeh

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    i thought there for a moment i was talking about you... :confused:
     
  15. May 14, 2005 #14

    dextercioby

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    What? What does that have to do with her and this thread....?:bugeye:

    Daniel.
     
  16. May 14, 2005 #15
    Gale, how cool are you? You're so cool. Just do what you think is right and get through it all and in the end you'll be stronger and cooler for it. And don't let your weaknesses (family etc) have any control over you, those problems are your own (in theory :biggrin: ) and shouldn't affect your relationships (if only I could follow my own advice... :rolleyes: )
     
  17. May 15, 2005 #16
    heh... i'm cool eh? heh... that made me smile.

    anyways, i just felt crummy this afternoon, and i'm sorry for being a whiner... but thanks to everyone who said nice things. sometimes stuff just gets so overwhelming... its been a month since he slept with that other girl, and somedays i think about it and it still just bothers me. and heh, ya, its sometimes just helps to get the thoughts out of my head and down on paper... and thanks for calling that an "ability." i tend to think of it as more incoherent blabbering nonesense. it just pours out of my mind and into print. but it makes me feel better. so thanks for just listening... or reading or whatever and just saying nice things. really. it helps so much just to see people being and nice, and knowing that the world doesn't suck... thanks.
     
  18. May 15, 2005 #17
    When you're down

    Just remember:

    YOU

    ARE

    PILLOWHEAD!
     
  19. May 15, 2005 #18
    hahahaha.... sheesh... and icvotria had just convinced me i was cool.... but dammit you're right... i'm just a goofy 17 yr old who likes to pretend she's a pirate while wearing her bed cushions as hats.... gosh, what boy doesn't love that??
     
  20. May 15, 2005 #19
    Pillowhead is the coolest pirate ever. Everyone loves Pillowhead. I have secretly been selling bumperstickers that say "Got Pillowhead?" I can't keep them in stock.
     
  21. May 15, 2005 #20

    cronxeh

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    pillow.. and head..

    usually applicable to not-so-hawt girls where u just square the body off mentally and draw the pillow-head conjunction in your head...

    im sure he didnt mean that :grumpy:
     
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