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The importance of dating

  1. Feb 12, 2010 #1

    in the last couple of days, thoughts about relationships and dating (currently, I am absolutely unactive in these fields) have bothered me a little. I recently opened a thread about relationships here (https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?p=2574663), but I also have a different question, a question about the importance of dating.

    I am an undergrad Physics student (not too long till I will have reached the B.Sc. degree) and I will soon turn 23. I do not go out very much and I haven't dated anybody for 2 years now. I spend a lot of time with my studies, and I have two hobbies to fill my time when the lecture period is over. Although, of course, sometimes I feel rushed by the feeling of loneliness and the wish to a date, I am generally actually quite happy to spend my evenings with either studies or hobbies. One of my hobbies is drawing / painting, and I specialize on the human form, esp. the female form. Now one might jump to the conclusion that nothing is more nerdy than drawing instead of dating women. Nevertheless, my results are remarkable. I may lack a special talent for Physics (I have to study a LOT to get my A's), but I believe that it might be true that I really have some kind of talent to render female beauty. I know it sounds strange, but I progressed a lot with my anatomy drawing in a rather short time (1.5 years since I have been drawing regularly/seriously). Anyway, it's a whole lot one can do in figurative drawing, it's an exciting field and very unlike science, and when I am not studying or dealing with my other occupations this fills my day.

    So my question is: Do I have to worry about NOT dating? It seems to me that many people at University have relationships, some are apparently even lasting relationships. My plan is that after I get my M.Sc. degree within several years I will a) move away from my parents and b) will know whether I am a talented artist or whether my results were just good luck or good will to see something there isn't. I think at this point I would be more independent, less insecure (I'll know I have a M.Sc. and I will have some better understanding of who I am), and then I would perhaps be able to face women, talk to them, date. Right now, I feel insecure and I would rather spend more time on studies/hobbies and push these as far as I can. Of course, if it happens that I run into a wonderful girl, I certainly would not run away from her. But that hasn't happened to me in the last 2 years.

    Does that sound acceptable or just cowardly or idiotic? Would I be doing something wrong or even harmful to myself if I don't date or go out etc. right now? Honestly, I don't care much about being not independent because I live with my parents (I feel I'll have more than enough time to get 'independent' in the future) and I don't care much about common friendships with males/fellows students (I experience them to be highly superficial and rarely want to change that). It's just that I am worried about how I behave with, how I deal with women. Because as a matter of fact right now, I don't really approach them, I am passive, just studying, drawing, developing intellectual skills. I am worried about missing something, missing the opportuinity to learn 'human interaction' (with women), but then again, I am not worried because I can do that later and it appears I have very important things to do first (study Physics and find out how far I can go with art). Personally, even though it appears I behave as one, I do not consider myself as a nerd. I do sit in front of my computer all the time, yes, and I don't go out much and don't talk to people very much. But on the other hand, I am not an all maths/physics kind person, I have other thoughts about the world too, and I try to express myself in art and try to create expression in human faces and poise. And the girl I was with 2 years ago thought I was the most romantic person in the world (and I believe there is at least some truth to that). And I know a lot of people in the Physics department (ours is not that huge), and there's no woman among them with whom I am romantically attatched (those I find interesting apparently don't find me interesting etc.). Still, I would adore (really adore) if my girlfriend would be a scientist too, and I can't imagine myself sitting in bars and talking to some women, I simply don't like the idea of that.

    Anyway, what I'm saying is I don't really know whether I behave the right way concerning women/dating (or rather not dating), and I wanted your view on that. Is my status quo OK over bad?
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2010
  2. jcsd
  3. Feb 12, 2010 #2


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    If you don't feel a need to date right now, especially since you are focussing on your education, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    Sounds like you are level headed and have a plan in mind for what you want to do. That puts you light years ahead of many your age.

    Too many people feel that they have to have a romantic interest in their life and spend a lot of time trying to make it happen and end up suffering for it. Even worse, they talk themselves into an unhealthy relationship just so that they can say they have one.
  4. Feb 12, 2010 #3


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    Let go of the urgency, and just go out and meet people, or more specifically women.

    During high school and university, I went out with girls I met during a job, or in class, or whom I just happened to meet on campus. Usually it was a single date, but sometime more. I really didn't push the bf/gf relationship - but I usually just let it happen. Even then it wasn't until I changed majors (from physics to nuclear engineering) and university, that I quite accidently met the woman I eventually married. If I hadn't met her, I probably would have met someone else.

    At the time I met the woman I married, I was seriously involved in my academics with plans to complete an undergrad degree, then going on to grad school.

    The dates I went on were casual dates, and sometimes, I just joined a girl (and other friends) for dinner or drinks at a local bar.
  5. Feb 13, 2010 #4
    I think you should merge your drawing with socializing with women. I learned this from another artist years ago: sit and draw in cafes where people can see what you're doing. You'll notice people lurking nearby to watch. If it's a guy, ignore them. If it's a girl look up and say "Hi", and invite them to have a closer look if they want. You strike up a conversation. They'll ask you questions. You can say "Have a seat and let me try a quick sketch." Go with what happens, make friends with them. Some will volunteer to model, some will also be artists so you can invite them to sit and draw with you. Go to the same cafe at the same hours the same girls will come back and check in with you. Sometimes they bring friends: you meet more girls. You don't have to regard any of them as potential dates, it's just a way for you to stay in touch with girls, not get alienated.
  6. Feb 24, 2010 #5
    dating is n`t all thing in our life but i ythink it is very important thing esp it push you to do many things and make you to see many things you couldn`t see it like kisssing and many good feelings plz don`t forget me if u success in dating with any one ?!!!!!
  7. Feb 24, 2010 #6
    Why would you want anybody's view on this ?

    Do you really not want to date ? Then don't date, and you shouldn't give a dime about what other humans think.

    Do you think that you would in fact like to date but you are afraid because you feel insecure ?
    Then go date.
  8. May 7, 2010 #7
    Dating is important to get to know the other person. You are still studying right now, you should know your priorities. If you find the other person attractive, let her be your inspiration to achieve your dreams...

    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2010
  9. May 7, 2010 #8


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    I know my priorities. Dating or spending Friday night on Physics Forums. I think the proper priorities are pretty obvious.
  10. May 7, 2010 #9


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    Hi powerflow. When I was in school, I didn't date either. There was no way I would have had time.

    There will be plenty of time for that later. Just keep yourself on track for now!
  11. May 8, 2010 #10
    Asking a person on a date is the socially acceptable way of saying 'Hey, I like you, but I don't even know you, and delude myself that I want to 'get to know you' while actually I just like to spend time with you in an environment that masks that I don't have to be able to say a word with to you.'...
  12. May 8, 2010 #11
    The biggest draw back is having no money to date with! As most women want you to spend a couple of thousand of quid/bucks on them before you can go any further.
  13. May 8, 2010 #12
    This is more or less what I'm talking about, both you and the women. Wake up people, think less in social norms and just do what thou wilt here.
  14. May 8, 2010 #13


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    You need to find a woman that reciprocates. I will let a man pay on the first date if he asked me out and he insists, but then I insist on paying for the second date. I always go to a first date prepared to pay incase I can't stand the guy, so I can pay and leave.
  15. May 8, 2010 #14
    Don't worry about the status quo. In another 15 years if you go back to your high-school reunion you'll see it doesn't matter one bit. Status is 'right now'. Your effort will provide you with something that people who are mostly concerned with status will never have. That could be money, knowledge, self-respect, a loving family; whatever it is you value and put effort into.

    If you want to date then you can. You don't need superficial status unless you want superficial dates. What you would need to do is to put effort into making a connection with someone you are interested in who is also interested in you. You'll have opportunities. Many people find intelligent and hard-working people attractive.

    Not really related to you, but I notice that having a large pool of possible dating opportunities doesn't seem to help in finding a person that one is interested in. Appealing to a wide variety of people doesn't peak the interest of anyone in particular in a meaningful manner. Having a smaller niche to work with, people seem more likely to form stronger bonds. But that's just me babbling again.
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